Hi Mumsnetters, would like some feedback on some of the things going on in my relationship.
I have been with dp for four years. Two of these years is us in a 'proper' relationship, prior to that we were just seeing each other.
He is a very laid back, untalkative person. He is not great at communication and likes to keep his business/problems to himself. I on the other hand like to talk things out, share info etc.
He is very matter of fact/black and white/ doesnt admit when he is in the wrong.
My childhood was not very secure. I moved over ten times and went to even more different schools. My mother had lots of men in and out of our life. I have had more people (including family members) in and out my life then I can count (mostly men). This has resulted in two things, 1: me coming across a certain way to new people (different topic) and 2: feeling insecure.
Right now I do not feel secure in the relationship. We are planning to have children and he has says marriage and old age is in the future (not sure when marriage will happen). However I just don't feel secure in the relationship. I live in his home so I do not feel secure there and look for plan b's such as places to live, jobs abroad 'just incase'. I do not have any family and nowhere to turn to if things did go tits up.
He is so matter of fact and he does tell me he loves me but theres no wild declarations of love or 'you are the most important person to me' or 'you are the only one for me' etc. He thinks these are lies men tell. If I say why dont you say something like theres no one else out there for you etc he will say well theres 2 million women in London if we break up I won't be single forever and neither will you. Are you telling me you would be single for ever?
Or the old saying 'I would die without you' he would say well no I wouldn't die I would be upset but I would move on.
I feel if we broke up he would not be that bothered. When I have said this he gets angry and says he doesnt understand why I think that.
We have been arguing the past few weeks due to me feeling that I am not his priority for eg booking a holiday with his friends before our holiday, or going to a bbq with someone at work and not inviting me but taking his brother. He got really angry and said I am his priority but I should expect to be THE PRIORITY.
We haven't argued this week because I have tried not to complain. It is not like he has done anything majorly wrong and tbh he is a great partner generous, affection, kind but I just don't feel secure.
I dont know if its him or me?
Thanks for getting through that if you did x
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Dont know if it is me or him.
BurgaQueen · 20/07/2014 16:46
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