I have been dating a woman, so I'm biased. I know that. She is mid 20s. She has a male friend who is early 50s (I'm going to try to make this as non-identifiable as possible, but it's hard)
They met when she was an undergraduate and he was a member of a university society, but they became close a few years later when she was living abroad, feeling a bit homesick, and so messaged him, and now they're best friends.
He is married and has been for the past 10 year or so. It's his 3rd wife, and there's quite a big age gap between them. When he met his wife, she was only 20 I think and he was mid 30s (nothing wrong with that, but inb my mind it's painting a bigger picture)
My girlfriend has a tricky relationship with her parents and admitted to me she sees this man as a father figure. He is quite well off, and when she was living abroad, she decided she wanted to move to her home town - he gave her money and offered her advice. They have bought a house together (an investment for him, and somewhere to live for her to get on the ladder, etc).
They go away on holiday together (they've been to China, the US, and they're planning a trip to Asia). Apparently his wife and him have an agreement where he can do this.
In some ways, a lot of this is positive. I can see that. But it seems as if he is treating his wife badly, and also, that she is not living her life, making friends, relationships and so on. Since they became close, she hasn't had a boyfriend. Since we started dating, I've seen them texting and she admitted he was saying things about me like "he's only trying to get in her pants" - and she has stayed over once. As soon as she was up, he texted her "you stayed over at his last night, didn't you?"
She admits to me that he gives her confidence, she admires him, but it seems he has an awful lot of subtle control over her. She's incredible. Before they were close, she had lived and worked in several countries. She got the job she has now over 100 candidates.
I can't see it working out between me and her because of this friend. Is this strange? I want her to see herself for the strong independent woman she is? Do I walk away, or try to help?
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Relationships
My potential girlfriend is being controlled by a surrogate father figure - can I help or walk away?
MonetsGarden · 19/07/2014 13:13
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