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Should I lose weight for my husband?

(68 Posts)
Brockbaby Tue 15-Jul-14 23:48:31

I am overweight. I am a size 18. I have been married for 6 years and it has been over a year (possibly two years I can't quite remember) since my husband and I were intimate. My husband has told me that it would help if I would lose weight. I feel very hurt and resent this. The main reason that I resent this is that when we met and married I was only one dress size smaller (I was a size 16) than I am now. One of the main reasons that I married him is that I believed that he loved and accepted me for who I am. My parents are very happily married. My mum has told me that it never made any difference to my dad what size she was - he loved and desired her the same. My friend's mum says the same. My husband is slim (and always has been no matter what he eats). He asked me if I would want to be intimate with him if he put on weight and I, honestly, would still want to be intimate with him if he put on weight - unless he became morbidly obese. Perhaps I am not being realistic. Should I lose weight for my husband?

ILoveTIFFANY Tue 15-Jul-14 23:50:45

Why not if he was 'morbidly obese' tho? What's the difference?

dickiedavisthunderthighs Tue 15-Jul-14 23:52:20

You've spent a third of your marriage without sex, it sounds to me like your husband is looking for excuses. How is your marriage apart from this?

Fishstix Tue 15-Jul-14 23:55:14

The only person you should ever lose weight for is you.
As you have said, you were only a dress size smaller when he met and married you. If he is not sleeping with you then I'd say that weight is not the issue. Sorry he is being such a knob.

rainbowsmiles Tue 15-Jul-14 23:55:35

no you should lose weight because it feels great to feel fit and healthy and in control.

Darkesteyes Tue 15-Jul-14 23:57:22

a. you are only one size bigger.
b. there should be more to a relationship than size.
c. I was in a similar situation and I lost ten stone and it made no difference (not to DH anyway) still no sex after 7 years I ended up having a long term affair after I lost the weight which ended 6 and a half years ago.

evelynj Tue 15-Jul-14 23:59:04

Not for him, but for you. I need to lose weight too, am probably bigger than you-16stone 19lb & 5 ft 8.

However, it's good that he can be honest (providing he did it in a kind way), although it's never easy to hear 'you need to change to be better'

BUT, if you decide to do it-for you....good luck. I find slimming world easy to follow & not too restrictive smile you could lose a lot if you stick to it, jus in the first few weeks even x

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 15-Jul-14 23:59:26

If you want to lose weight, do. If you don't, don't. I really find it hard to believe that a dress size has made a completely healthy sex life disappear. Did anything else happen around that time? Was your sex life great before? Could your DH be; gay; depressed; having an affair; wanting an excuse to leave?

Eekaman Tue 15-Jul-14 23:59:42

Perhaps you should lose weight for yourself, it will improve your health and it does seem to prey on your mind quite a bit.

Brockbaby Tue 15-Jul-14 23:59:43

My marriage, apart from the intimacy issue, is a good one. My husband is hard working, honest, reliable and a very good father. He is always trying to make me happy. I believe he loves me.

JoyceDivision Wed 16-Jul-14 00:02:02

you could drop about 12stone pretty quick,<boom boom>

you say you were a 16, what size appxare you now, is it a small increase or a large increase insize?

nobody shouldchange for someone else's preference, but desire and love will be partlybased on physical attraction.

i wonder of you had posted, 'Do ineed to put on weight for my husband?' and posted that you had a clothes size that was at, lets say,the smaller end of oasis clothes storesfor example,rather thanthe top end, and you had gone down by another clothes size if not two, if people would be saying how you should focus onhealth and maybe put some weight backon and look after yourself andbe healthy, yet it seems we daren't saythis on the increasing ofsomeones size as it looks like we are being mean.

Op, I'musually a 16, but i have gone up to nearly a 20, it doesn't suit me, I feel dreadful, I look like a barrel and have gone out ofa nice curvy shape to ajust abig round barrel shape, i don't feel attractive,

How do you honestly feel about yourself at the moment?

Darkesteyes Wed 16-Jul-14 00:03:21

evelyn that's where I lost my weight SW a stone a month for seven months (ten stone in total ) complete with gallstones as a result. After this experience I do NOT advocate or encourage fast weight loss.

I went back to SW last year and in the last year have lost 2 stone 8 pounds. At the age of 41 its not as fast as it was at 29.

Brockbaby Wed 16-Jul-14 00:05:06

I agree that I should lose weight for myself. "MrsTerryPratchett" what happened at the same time as our sex life disappearing is that I had our one and only little boy.

Frogisatwat Wed 16-Jul-14 00:05:21

Sorry but if I married a lean and fit man and he became overweight I wouldn't be happy..
ok yes you should love someone regardless. .. but where do you draw the line? Stop washing? 'Fill your boots dear I married you for 'you' not your fragrant smell'
Tooth brushing - hell why bother? Now we are married we have no need for fresh breath!
Fat and proud? Great we know where we stand but don't move the goalpost!

Darkesteyes Wed 16-Jul-14 00:06:06

OP a one dress size increase is fuck all. The issue is his. Hes projecting.

Boudica1990 Wed 16-Jul-14 00:07:53

You should want to loose weight because you want to not because someone else has placed an ultimatum on it. Realistically a dress size is about a 8lb gain that's all,so you ccould loose that in about a month and a half 6 weeks really, but only if you wanted to.

I want to shift my baby weight ASAP once baby is here, and it's not for DP benefit, it's for mine. I like being slimmer, DP has assured me it makes no difference to him in the long run as he loves me and my body has been a home for our child to grow, but for me it's my body so my choice how much I weigh within reason.

JoyceDivision Wed 16-Jul-14 00:08:04

Sorry, didn't see theinfore size.

it'snot a huge change, it is for me as I'm5 foot and seems to be the tipping point of really changing my body shape

So no, don'tchange for your h, change for you

Brockbaby Wed 16-Jul-14 00:08:22

"JoyceDivision". I am now a size 18 - just one size bigger than I was when we married (when I was a size 16) and before we had our son! That is what gets me. If I was much bigger - rightly or wrongly - I feel he would be more justified.

Darkesteyes Wed 16-Jul-14 00:08:25

Ive gone from a 22 to a 16 in the last year.

In 2002/03 I went from a 28 to a 12/14. Hasn't changed anything at home.

Do it for yourself OP IF you feel you want to.

Darkesteyes Wed 16-Jul-14 00:09:29

How old is your son OP?

Brockbaby Wed 16-Jul-14 00:10:36

Oh and loving your comment "JoyceDivision" you made:-

"you could drop about 12stone pretty quick,<boom boom>"

Thank you!

Brockbaby Wed 16-Jul-14 00:11:17

My son is four.

Darkesteyes Wed 16-Jul-14 00:12:36

OK Did sex resume much after baby? (I am going somewhere with this)

Brockbaby Wed 16-Jul-14 00:15:46

"Frogisatwat". I take your point but my husband did not marry a lean and slim woman. He married a size 16 - curvaceous, confident and happy woman. I deliberately did not diet to get into a smaller wedding dress because I believed that I wanted somebody to love and marry me for me.

Brockbaby Wed 16-Jul-14 00:17:40

No "Darkesteyes" sex never resumed much after baby - probably had sex a handful of times over the last four years. Our sex life was healthy up until I got pregnant.

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