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A ladies point of view please im sorry its so long

(187 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

bigbear38 Wed 09-Jul-14 16:54:32

I have been with my partner for 8 years now. We have 1 son. She moved in with me pretty much straight away. I have always been very sucessful and ran my own business own my own house and have a savi business head. She has never really had any great jobs that really brought in much money. When my son was born she wanted to go back to work part time and put my son in nursery but with the nursery fees she would be hardly earing much more money so i told her she should stay at home and help me with my bills and paperwork and i would giveher some money to help her pay for the bills but she wanted to go back as she wanted her own freedom and her own money so she went back to work. We agreed that when she isnt at work she would spent the other days dedicated to doing my company work but everytime i got home hardly anything had been done. She would make an excuse up saying that she had to clean the house or take car of the baby Or that i hadnt given her a list of what to do but anyone with half a brain would know to look on the computer and go through the accounts, do a bit of research but with her always a reason why not to do something.It would really annoy me because i would fall behind with sending out my bills and so therefore in turn i wouldnt get paid. She cant understand that its important to get this stuff done because its our family business, although she does pay all the utility bills, i still pay for the mortgage, repairs on the house and any little treats at the weekend plus buying the nice things for the house. She gets really angry when i call her up on it and says i shouldnt be pressurising her and making her feel inadiquate when i dont share my chores with the baby but at the end of the day i am working a manual job and running around all day (mostly after everyone else) she is just sat at a desk all day when shes at work. She also really annoys me because her idea of cleaning up is throwing everything into a cupboard instead of clenaing it properly. I told her the other day that she should do one of her super cleans in the kitchen bcasue it gets grubby from the toddler but she just find any excuse not to do it. Some days i get up to go to work only to find there are no clean work clothes what does she do all day?????? We had a huge row last week because i got home from a really busy day and she had made me soup i was so pissed off!! Had i have known she had made me soup i had got myself some lunch. I was starving and had to then go out to a shop and buy junk food. Another thing that really gets my goat about this person is she just isnt like a real women she isnt bothered about nice soft furnishings for the house like pictures and nice cushions etc if i call her upon it she says she cant afford it after paying the bills and the 2 sofas that she pays for but yet she can go out and buy coffee with friends. Other women make such an effort with their house and make sure that it well presented but its like shes just not bothered she would rather bury her head in the sand like a moron. I feel like she isnt being a partner towards me and that she is just taking and not putting in. I feel that she is not making any contribution or effort towards our home. I looked after my son the other afternoon for a couple of hours but was pissed off to find there was not any baby food for him. She said it was because he no longer has jars and she cooks him pasta or fresh food but to be honest i just thought it was an excuse because of her laziness. In the morning when she gets up and gets him ready for nursery she gets him ready on the bed where im sleeping its so annoying and disrespectful. I think she would rather lay in bed all day festering than do anything productive. She says im abusive towards her but im just telling her for her own good because she comes from a diferent back ground than me. She has come from a background where having a nice house and nice things isnt important hence the reasons of why i think she is lazy when it comes to the upkeep of the house.Can anybody offer me any advice as to what to do with this person or any similar experiences? i feel that i am gouing round in circles with her. She is ruining our family. Do i just cut my losses and find someone who can step up and be a women and appreciate the things she has????? Thank you in advance

Why do "They" think a convincing username is a female first name + number? They have clearly not been paying attention.

NickiFury - was he a member of minor royalty?
Did he expect his slippers warmed and a pint of Best on a Friday?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 09-Jul-14 19:43:16

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lurkingaround Wed 09-Jul-14 19:43:38

Who knew. Cushions are the key to 'keeping' a husband.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Wed 09-Jul-14 19:45:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FoolishFay Wed 09-Jul-14 19:52:10

I've got lovely cushions.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Wed 09-Jul-14 19:53:18

I've got lovely cushions made me grin

lurkingaround Wed 09-Jul-14 20:05:24

Actually I just had a thought while thinking and fussing about my soft furnishings! Natalie98 should link up with the OP. They are perfect for each other. Isn't that excellent??
So OP, cut your losses, free leave your wife and hook up with Natalie98.

I love it when a good plan comes together.

Singsongmama Wed 09-Jul-14 20:07:13

I have grammar rage today. I normally would never comment on it but seeing as the OP is such a camel's toe if you are going to write a clichéd pile of waffle, at least structure your chauvinistic thoughts into some kind of order. Surely someone as well successful as you needs to use language your bizzzznizzzz.

I have no doubt that this is fake, the only thing missing was - she doesn't dress nicely, appreciate my manliness or kiss me goodbye at the door after handing me my briefcase and pack lunch.

My advice? Find a rock to crawl under and only come out when you are prepared to be a real man who doesn't abuse his partner.

Bifauxnen Wed 09-Jul-14 20:15:41

It's the lack of full stops that grates with me. It makes the op's sound like Vicky Pollard and I find myself taking big breaths to compensate.

Lweji Wed 09-Jul-14 20:18:52

Aren't men supposed to hate cushions? confused

kaykayblue Wed 09-Jul-14 20:23:03

I just asked my fiancé what he thought about our cushions and "soft furnishings".

He stared at me in a blind panic.

To the OP - I did outline your concerns to my partner, as to elicit a male opinion for you. His take on it was as follows:

1) Who the fuck doesn't like soup? Do we have any soup by the way?
2) So he is unhappy that she isn't spending lots of money on useless shit around the house? Is he Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen?
3) Maybe she doesn't wash his clothes because he refers to her as a moron.

There you go, sorted.

lurkingaround Wed 09-Jul-14 20:24:00

Lweji, I believe they do hate them. DH and I have regular ahem polite discussions about the necessity of cushions. However he is happy to give in indulge me in my wifely <shiver> need to prettify the home and indeed recognises this is what every good wife does.

IthoughtATMwasacashpoint Wed 09-Jul-14 20:25:09

Soup is a capital offence? Who knew?

Singsongmama Wed 09-Jul-14 20:38:09

I loathe posts without full stops. Full stop.

My husband hates cushions. I have at least EVERY room (not the toilet, that'd be weird!)

Lweji Wed 09-Jul-14 20:48:32

My ex didn't like soup.
But then, he sat on his arse all day and didn't prepare fully cooked meals regularly. Except he didn't have a job.
And didn't even get out of the house to have coffee with his mates. He had none.

It's funny how it switches from "my company work" and "giving her money" to "our family business".

Also funny how the OP had failed to notice so far that the baby didn't have jars anymore. And how preparing fresh food for the baby equals her laziness - but presumably the OP was prepared to stuff the child with off the shelf jars.

I think this could easily be a reverse thread, btw.

TheGonnagle Wed 09-Jul-14 20:49:03

PARAGRAPHS. For the love of everything holy, won't you please use PARAGRAPHS.

BlackeyedPetitsPois Wed 09-Jul-14 20:49:24

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheGonnagle Wed 09-Jul-14 20:50:12

So blinded by all the drivel I forgot the ?

NickiFury Wed 09-Jul-14 20:52:45

Gilbert yes, some of you may know him as "King Joffrey Baratheon" wink

YetAnotherHelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 09-Jul-14 21:04:16

Evening all.
Rather remarkably, we can't really give you any guidance on whether this is a troll or not, except to say that he's not ringing any of our alarm bells. We are not sure which is the better result, tbh. smile

Scornedwoman67 Wed 09-Jul-14 21:08:38

I think the OP has disappeared. Perhaps she laced his soup with arsenic.
I find it rather amusing that these Neanderthal men (look it up OP..its a bit like a hairy cave-man) think we don't realise. The appalling grammar (your sentences don't make sense) and inability to use any form of punctuation ( the dots at the end of the lines )give it away. Now go back to your Sun crossword. There's a good boy. grin

Needasilverlining Wed 09-Jul-14 21:11:07

DH has mentioned a woman at work who has antimacassars on every chair. And doilies.

He's going to leave me, isn't he?

(Can anyone tell me what the fuck an antimacassar is, so any future relationship isn't ruined by insufficient upholstery?)

Bifauxnen Wed 09-Jul-14 21:11:45

<pokes alarm bells and peers suspiciously>
Have you changed the batteries?

FFSFFS Wed 09-Jul-14 21:15:57


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