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A ladies point of view please im sorry its so long

(187 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

bigbear38 Wed 09-Jul-14 16:54:32

I have been with my partner for 8 years now. We have 1 son. She moved in with me pretty much straight away. I have always been very sucessful and ran my own business own my own house and have a savi business head. She has never really had any great jobs that really brought in much money. When my son was born she wanted to go back to work part time and put my son in nursery but with the nursery fees she would be hardly earing much more money so i told her she should stay at home and help me with my bills and paperwork and i would giveher some money to help her pay for the bills but she wanted to go back as she wanted her own freedom and her own money so she went back to work. We agreed that when she isnt at work she would spent the other days dedicated to doing my company work but everytime i got home hardly anything had been done. She would make an excuse up saying that she had to clean the house or take car of the baby Or that i hadnt given her a list of what to do but anyone with half a brain would know to look on the computer and go through the accounts, do a bit of research but with her always a reason why not to do something.It would really annoy me because i would fall behind with sending out my bills and so therefore in turn i wouldnt get paid. She cant understand that its important to get this stuff done because its our family business, although she does pay all the utility bills, i still pay for the mortgage, repairs on the house and any little treats at the weekend plus buying the nice things for the house. She gets really angry when i call her up on it and says i shouldnt be pressurising her and making her feel inadiquate when i dont share my chores with the baby but at the end of the day i am working a manual job and running around all day (mostly after everyone else) she is just sat at a desk all day when shes at work. She also really annoys me because her idea of cleaning up is throwing everything into a cupboard instead of clenaing it properly. I told her the other day that she should do one of her super cleans in the kitchen bcasue it gets grubby from the toddler but she just find any excuse not to do it. Some days i get up to go to work only to find there are no clean work clothes what does she do all day?????? We had a huge row last week because i got home from a really busy day and she had made me soup i was so pissed off!! Had i have known she had made me soup i had got myself some lunch. I was starving and had to then go out to a shop and buy junk food. Another thing that really gets my goat about this person is she just isnt like a real women she isnt bothered about nice soft furnishings for the house like pictures and nice cushions etc if i call her upon it she says she cant afford it after paying the bills and the 2 sofas that she pays for but yet she can go out and buy coffee with friends. Other women make such an effort with their house and make sure that it well presented but its like shes just not bothered she would rather bury her head in the sand like a moron. I feel like she isnt being a partner towards me and that she is just taking and not putting in. I feel that she is not making any contribution or effort towards our home. I looked after my son the other afternoon for a couple of hours but was pissed off to find there was not any baby food for him. She said it was because he no longer has jars and she cooks him pasta or fresh food but to be honest i just thought it was an excuse because of her laziness. In the morning when she gets up and gets him ready for nursery she gets him ready on the bed where im sleeping its so annoying and disrespectful. I think she would rather lay in bed all day festering than do anything productive. She says im abusive towards her but im just telling her for her own good because she comes from a diferent back ground than me. She has come from a background where having a nice house and nice things isnt important hence the reasons of why i think she is lazy when it comes to the upkeep of the house.Can anybody offer me any advice as to what to do with this person or any similar experiences? i feel that i am gouing round in circles with her. She is ruining our family. Do i just cut my losses and find someone who can step up and be a women and appreciate the things she has????? Thank you in advance

Spanglecrab Wed 09-Jul-14 16:57:51

2 out of 10

BathildaBagshot Wed 09-Jul-14 16:57:52

Honestly? I wouldn't expect much sound advice from women on here, as you sound like a dick.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jul-14 16:59:31

Frankly, if she's such a terrible disappointment to you, set the poor woman free rather than keep criticising her. hmm You sound very unpleasant and I think she could do a lot better

GoatsDoRoam Wed 09-Jul-14 16:59:49

You clearly don't like her.

And you clearly only want a partner who will do things exactly as you want and think they should be done. (hint: there is no such person.)

Trampampoline Wed 09-Jul-14 17:00:17


2. Yes, you are abusive and controlling.


BathildaBagshot Wed 09-Jul-14 17:00:49

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

angryangryyoungwoman Wed 09-Jul-14 17:01:41

This is a joke, right? Except it's not funny.

Trampampoline Wed 09-Jul-14 17:02:13

ooh I hope the DW turns up

forumdonkey Wed 09-Jul-14 17:02:30

LTB - she can do better than you

bialystockandbloom Wed 09-Jul-14 17:02:42

Are you serious?! This is not the 1950s anymore. She is not your servant - she is working full-time either at her job, on 'your company', and looking after your son who is a toddler, so will be very time-consuming.

She has the gall to get your son ready on the bed where you're sleeping? Omg how very dare she.

I didn't know to qualify as a "real woman" you had to have an interest in cushions and soft furnishings shock

You mention respect - think you need to look in the mirror.

This must be a joke, though, right?

myusernameis Wed 09-Jul-14 17:02:54

I was with you up until she stopped being a real woman because she isn't interested in soft furnishings..

ilovelamp82 Wed 09-Jul-14 17:02:57

If this isn't a reversal, you have the wrong audience. No
advice really. 'Find someone who can step up and be a woman'. Wow!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 09-Jul-14 17:03:16

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monal Wed 09-Jul-14 17:04:03

Previous posters: how did you even read this? Kudos.

forumdonkey Wed 09-Jul-14 17:04:21

I'd like to high five this woman, for not washing this dickheads clothes for one and putting up with a moaning whining twat as long as she has

momb Wed 09-Jul-14 17:05:09

Goodness. That is difficult to read as there are no paragraphs so forgive me if my summary is incorrect:
I think that you are saying that your partner, who works and is the primary care giver to your son, does the household management and pays the household bills, does not do your business accounts without being given guidance , once changed the baby on her own bed, once gave you soup for dinner, is not interested in cushions....and for these reasons you are speaking of her with disrespect and considering ending the relationship?
well I like to think I'm a Lady so here is my point of view: biscuit

KittiesInsane Wed 09-Jul-14 17:05:26

I love the 'had to go and buy junk food'.

Nice touch, OP.

QisforQcumber Wed 09-Jul-14 17:06:35

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SolomanDaisy Wed 09-Jul-14 17:07:01

Gosh, will nobody think of the cushions?

headlesslambrini Wed 09-Jul-14 17:07:54

I second the use of paragraphs

Bigbear - really you couldn't think of a better NN?

Bifauxnen Wed 09-Jul-14 17:07:57

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BeetlebumShesAGun Wed 09-Jul-14 17:08:23

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CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jul-14 17:08:38

LOL! It was the phrase 'savi (sic) business head' that I liked. So thick, yet so full of himself.

forumdonkey Wed 09-Jul-14 17:09:38

But should the cushions match the curtains?!!

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