I have been with my h 8 years, married 6. We have two dc age 2 and 4.
We've not been getting on for a while. The main issue is that he has a problem with weed and alcohol (doesn't see it as a problem though). And in the past I have got so fed up of him being stoned at home with me on his days off that I have wanted it to be over and told him so. He admits it's a problem at the time, says he promises to stop, lasts a few weeks/sometimes months before talking me round again promising it'll be occasional and that it'll make him happy and that he won't overdo it. Then it just escalates to him doing it every night til it's gone and the cycle then just repeats itself.
We got to a crisis point a few months ago where we were arguing a lot over it and since then he's pretty much had none. He hates and resents me though for controlling him, he says he wants the freedom to do it whenever he likes and so now he's just grumpy and volatile towards me all the time. We keep trying to work things out but all it boils down to is that he wants to get stoned and I'm stopping him. There seems to be no resolution, he acts like everything's ok and tries to sweeping under the carpet when deep down I feel like he doesn't really care about me and isn't happy at all. I just want u s to be happy together.
I hate the stuff, it changes him, makes him angry and grumpy the next day. He doesn't want to get up and has no patience with the kids. I feel it makes us distant. He has lied and done it behind my back probably more times than I realise. He sees nothing wrong in it whatsoever and fully believes that it's good for you and your soul. He thinks I am just a killjoy. May be I am. I don't know because my perspective is all skewed now I panic when he has some.
The alcohol runs alongside this. Apart from when he's at work, he drinks quite heavily most nights. . And I can sense his agitation on nights where he hasn't got any alcohol or run out.
He says I'm no fun to be around, controlling, always negative and will say things like god formid anyone ever have fun when you're around. He has nasty outbursts where he totally slags me off then just blames it on feeling stressed or giving up smoking (tobacco). But the things he says to me hurt my feelings I then feel low all day so he has a go at me for being miserable.
I don't know what I'm asking really. Just want someone to tell me what to do to make it better. And I want the dc to be happy above all else.
I do love him, when we're good we have fun, laugh together got a lot in common but at the moment we're snappy with each other. I am walking on eggshells around him. I'm not totally innocent thoughand have said some home truths in the past, it just seems to wash over him. I have been thinking on and off about whether to break up for a while now but it feels like such a massive thing. I suggested some time apart but he just says it won't be him who leaves the house so asks me where I will go then.
We're on holiday at the moment and I feel like I can't escape and it's his birthday tomorrow so I've got to pretend everything is ok. He's out swimming at mo with dc1 but when he's back might not get chance to reply much. Home in 2 days though.
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Relationships
Do I call it a day? Just don't know what to do.
feelinglostandsad · 09/07/2014 15:43
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