Does anyone remember? Things are pretty crummy now

[wavesandsmiles]

Links to earlier posts

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1813521-Waves-is-determined-to-keep-winning-now-that-Acrobat-has-arrived

My little acrobat is nearly one. This time last year his MN aunties were cheering him on. I've survived a year but things are tough. I have pnd which has been worsening, and was signed off work a couple of weeks ago.

My new job is very stressful but also Twunt continues to mess with my head. I cannot let go. He clicks his fingers and I'm like a bloody lap dog. I hate myself.

I'm not really eating anymore. I find it hard to smile. It feels like my children would really be better off without me.

[maras2]

Of course you're remembered and with great fondness.Not a week goes by that someone doesn't ask about you and your 3 cubs.Sorry that things are not so good.Will be back later as just about to take DGD to the doctor.Don't go away. xxxxxxx Mx.

[ToucheAwayyyyy]

Hello waves I followed your threads last year, though I never posted on them, but having just read the last line of your post, I can't read and run.

What you say is so heartfelt, and I daresay that many mothers the world over have had those dark thoughts at some point in their children's lives, I know I did.

But as hard as it was, I stayed, just as I hope you do. So that you can all (you and your little ones) continue to share smiles, hugs, stories, and the lives that you all have to come.

It took me 5 years or more to get my 'twunt' out of my system for good, and it wasn't easy, just as it isn't for you. But you will do it. I know this from the strength and bravery I saw in each post you wrote.

So keep posting. I will be here listening. Say what ever you need to say, you will be heard.

Warmest of hugs to you all.x.

[YvyB]

I remember your thread too.
Sorry things are still a bit grim but go easy on yourself. Think of twunt as a toxin: it takes your body quite a while to process toxic substances and then flush them through your system (remembers last hangover and shudders) and you usually feel pretty rubbish whilst the process is happening. It's the same with twunt - it will take a while to deal with the toxin and finally flush it out but it will happen. And there's no-one judging you on how fast it happens. It's not as if you havent been busy all year nuturing a whole new human being, is it?!

[mammadiggingdeep]

I remember you and your thread...

Sorry to hear you're not having a good time.

Your children need you here.

Do you have support in rl? Your MN friends are here.

[BirdhouseInYourSoul]

I remember you Waves.

You were an inspiration for a lot of people and although you may not feel it you showed a lot of strength in the face of some truly horrid behaviour.

It's OK to feel crap but please do not underestimate what you mean to your children.

Don't let the Twunt win!

You have support here so keep posting.

[Itsfab]

Not only are you remembered you are worried about.

Please go and eat a piece of toast now and have a drink.

I have replied to your PM.

You are not a lap dog and I am sure you feel as crap as you do because of TwatHead and if you didn't have him bothering you your depression would miraculously disappear.

You would be better off sleeping with all Acrobat's Aunties that this prat.

YOU are all they need.

HE is not fit to lick your shoes.

Start loving yourself for Gods sake or else not eating and PND will be the least of your worries.

You have free will. Use it. What is it that you need that you think you get from this cruel man?

[scarletforya]

Waves, someone only started a thread a few days ago wondering how you are.

I remember you. I'm so sorry to hear you're not well. Are you getting any help for the pnd?

Of course your children wouldn't be better off without you. That's the depression talking.

We're all here, keep talking to us.

[foolishpeach]

I remember. I'm pretty sure I posted on one of your old threads under a different nn.

I'm sorry that you have pnd. I've never had pnd specifically (no dcs yet), but have had depression in the past. I have always found that good self-care is the foundation of recovery for me. So, getting out for walks, eating food which is delicious and nourishing, taking care of myself basically.

As for Twunt, I think YvyB has it spot-on. It does take time to get toxins out of your system. You are not a bad person for struggling to free yourself from his clutches.

Please keep posting - I have wondered how you are all getting on, and I'm sure that mnetters can provide some emotional support to you if that is what you would like.

[mammadiggingdeep]

You ok waves?

[MissScatterbrain]

Sorry to hear things are still grim.

You really need to go no contact. That way he won't get to mess with your head and drag you down with him.

Hugs x

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Yes I remember your threads.

Your beautiful DCs are the way they are because of their mother - warm bright sparky and loving - so please don't ever think they'd be better off without you.

As for him - well he is in a class of his own and I don't mean in a good healthy way.

But good to see you post again.

[rollmeover]

I remember your threads and hard you were working for your wonderful little family. Though facing such adversity you always managed to sound upbeat and the sun in your personality came through.
I hope you can get help for what must be a terribly difficult situation. You are a fantastic parent and your children are lucky to have you. Please take care.

Oh, and your ex is a dickhead.

[inlectorecumbit]

Oh waves-another poster on your thread and the blanket!!!! but namechanger.
You were doing so well with your 3 lovely DC's and a terrific new job. Why that tosser has such a pull over you l will never know. He is not fit and never will be fit to lick your boots.
You are a wonderful mummy and the DC's need you very much. I remember how you used to batch cook while you were pregant ice cream etc. You are strong and you can do this.
Go no contact if he wants to see DS2 let someone else do the handovers, you don't need to see him.

[petalsandstars]

Yy ^^ this is good advice. You can and will find your way through and away from twatface.

[tribpot]

Waves, your depression is worsening because you continue to have contact with your unspeakable ex. You do know that, don't you? Why don't you do yourself a favour and simply stop seeing him? He will never do the decent thing and let you go, he doesn't care about you, he cares about what he can make you do to please him.

I'm sorry you're so down. You've accomplished amazing things this year. But you won't take the step that will accomplish the most for your long term happiness and wellbeing.

[isshoes]

I am another one who remembers you but hasn't posted before. I'm sorry to hear you are still caught in the clutches of this hideous man. You know this of course, but the reason you keep going back to him is because your self-esteem has taken a huge hit because of him. You hate yourself for going back which in turn makes you go back for more. The only way you are going to begin to recover and feel better is by breaking away from him - but again you know this. And as someone else said, he keeps you dangling because he is not a good man. It creates the impression that he can't let you go but actually it's not in his interests to - he is too selfish and lazy to let you go.

Your children would not be better off without you, and you owe it to them and yourself to allow yourself to heal. Please love and take care of yourself.

[dramajustfollowsme]

Waves you were truly remarkable, the way you coped with everything thrown at you during your pregnancy. Your children always sounded so fab. That is down to you. They wouldn't be better off without you - far from it.
You are feeling this way because of your pnd and the twunt. you can and will get better. He, on the other hand, will always be a twunt.

[lalalonglegs]

waves, I remember you too although I didn't post very often. The most important thing you can do right this moment is force yourself to eat. Once you have some brain and body fuel inside you, it will be so much easier to take the next important step which, as you know, is to have minimum contact with your ex - custody arrangements only preferably sorted out by email, someone else to take charge of hand overs. Your life will get unrecognisably better once you achieve this.

It goes without saying that your children absolutely would not be better off without you - go and eat something now for their sakes, get some sleep and for the next few weeks just concentrate on yours and your children's needs.

[NettleTea]

I remember you too and just want to send some positive vibes your way.

[DrFunkesFamilyBandSolution]

Glad you're posting here again.

Here to listen xx

[ljny]

I also remember you, you were amazing. So sorry to hear Twunt is still dragging you down. Your children need you, we're here for you, sending hugs and best wishes.

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

I remember you waves, you're amazing.

Please try to eat, even just a mouthful as often as you can, a big plateful can be intimidating. Or just have a glass of milk.

Your children adore you, they can't manage without you.

You've done the best thing posting here today. There are lots of people who want to help.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Good morning

Last time I caught one of your threads (autumn?) you had landed a great but demanding new job, were raising your family virtually single-handed and had got new lodgers. Did you ever secure an au pair or a local lass to help out?

Were you able to access some counselling?

I take it your divorce came through? though as he is still on the scene it didn't mark the end of an unpleasant era.

It's all been said before so I won't lecture you but you know that old saying, if you sup with the Devil use a long spoon. Waves you need a long long spoon. PND doesn't help but he remains your biggest problem.

So what are your plans for today? Your older DCs will be finishing term time soon?

[ArtyBat]

Morning Waves

I hope you are reading all this and feeling all the love and care people have for you.

[maras2]

Still here Waves.Keep posting if you're safe to do so.Maybe take your thread to the 'other place'.