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social servies has destroyed our family

(83 Posts)
Familyjustice2014 Tue 08-Jul-14 14:13:23

hi in jan me and my girlfriend had an argument which next door neighbours called the police and i got arrested and i got relisead no futher action but social servies got involed and had already removed my girlfriend and our 1 month old baby and took them to her mums house but when i seen my gf she said she was sorry and they told her to move away and she was really scraed couple of days later she said she wants to move back in as she dont like her mum but she said social servies told her if she moves back they take our son away and i was only allowed to have superviesed contact with my son and my gf mum was spose to supervised the visit and she dosent like me at all so she didt let me in so i asked social servies if my dad can do the suprevised contact and they could come back and live with me and my dad be with us 24 hours they said he has to pass police check which we waited for 4 weeks and my gf mother didt like the idea so she kicked them both out and i pickd up and the next day social servies said we broken the rule and she wasent suppose to come back but where can she go if shes been kicked out so they forced to go back to her mums house then i got arrested agian for making threats which i never did
then they moved my gf and our baby to a mother nad baby unit in an secrate location i was only allowed to see my baby for 1 hour a week but after a week my gf turend up at my house and she was crying and saying she dosent like that house so i calmed her down she came to me almost everydy in secrate but 2 days before her 3 months assesment has finished they found out she was comming and they failed her and they failed me for not sharing information about she was coming to see me and thn a week later i resvied an non molestion order against me and my gf has made up lies about me and im 100 % sure she has been forced to do this as they have told her she will lose our baby if she dosent listen to them and split up with me and social servies are saying u nee dto forget about her and she dosent want to be with me but i know this is not true because she was coming to me in secrate and i have photo to prove it and i have text masseges that she said she cant hadle it in there and they are forcing her to split up with me i have attended court for th enon molestion order i have contest it i have to go back to court agian in about 1 month and im really confused wat to do on my gf statement said i have been hitting her and being volient to her but this is not true and i can prove that if i was so bad person why would she come with me andwhen we are all happy toghther the social servies wouldt leave us alone and her mum is backing her story up and she dosent like me since the day i said i wana stand up in my own feet and got a house toghther so shes trying to take them away from me social servies are nasty people they twist and turn things how the hell can they get away with it how can i take them to court ? and tell them to get away from us and how can i get my gf and my baby to come back home so we can be a family ? they have taken away her phone they have made her lie in court what can i do and i cant get silicitor as i dont have any money please help

kaykayblue Tue 08-Jul-14 14:25:10

Your story reminds me a lot of an article I read about a South Korean film director who was kidnapped by the previous North Korean regime whilst on holiday in Hong Kong. He was chucked into a labour camp when he tried to escape, and then after a few years, released and basically forced to produce films in North Korea to "glorify" the nation.

At a film premier in Vienna, this chap managed to leg it to the American embassy, and was given political asylum.

Kim Jong II was absolutely convinced that this director had been kidnapped by the Americans, and was being forced to say bad things about him.

In this analogy, you would be Kim Jong II by the way. I point this out because it seems like you might have an ability to ignore blazingly obvious issues if they are inconvenient to you.

So basically, yes, perhaps the world is against you, but you sound like a man very deeply, deeply in denial about what is going on. I used to work with social services (with, not for), and they sure as fuck didn't have the time or resources to harass families for the fun of it. There was a reason that your partner and child were removed from you and put into a protected location! Do you honestly think that's standard procedure??? Do you really think the police and social services do that to every single domestic argument call they get?

The answer is no by the way.

Also, abused women have a tendency to "return to the vomit" (if you will) because it's all they know - their self esteem has been completely shattered by their partner. It's like a moth to the flame.

For the good of humanity I suggest you take a long, hard look in the mirror and think about how you have been behaving. If everyone else is looking at something and calling it "blue", and you are the only one insisting that it's "red".....

It's most probably not red.

sommerfugl Tue 08-Jul-14 14:29:12


I hope the baby is with people that don't fight so loudly the police are called.

My x spent hours roaring at me and fih
Ghting so im lucky nobody called the police.

He is adamant he did nothing wrong. All everybody else's fault.

Kaykayblue+1 , good post

NCISaddict Tue 08-Jul-14 14:30:48

Hear hear kaykay Poor baby, I hope him and his Mum stay safe and have a chance at a good life.

PetiteRaleuse Tue 08-Jul-14 14:33:17

Fabulous post kaykayblue ! <applauds>

Namechangearoonie123 Tue 08-Jul-14 14:34:22

Get a job.

Pay child support.

Turn up to all contact centre visits.

Work towards unsupervised contact.

Never under any circumstances harass/text/email/phone the mother of your child.

Comply with everything SS tell you to do.

Be a good father and take some parenting courses.

Do all of the above and hopefully you will be able to be the father your child needs.

sommerfugl Tue 08-Jul-14 14:37:41


I had to put down my phone and pick up the lap top to respond properly.

My x denied that he ever hit me because he doesn't realise that he did. I guess it depends on your definition of hit. He 'just' pushed me a bit to begin with, then he pushed me a bit harder, and then the pushing came with a finger in my face, and a raised voice, then a rougher push, the finger closer to my face, the teeth bared in anger, the voice raised so loud the villae in my inner ear vibrated as he roared at me.

He denies 'hitting' me though. Because hitting is when you take a punch at somebody, like boxing.

If your girlfriend returned to you I wonder why that is. Maybe she has nowhere to go and no money when she gets there.

QuintessentiallyQS Tue 08-Jul-14 14:43:07

Why have you been happy to live in your home, while your girlfriend and baby has been moved here and there to keep safe? Why are you happy for them to be virtually homeless?

Why have you never volunteered to leave the home so that mother and baby have a safe home to live in?

turnaroundbrighteyes Tue 08-Jul-14 14:45:34

No matter whether you think they are right or wrong if you think you can take on SS you are wrong. You will lose.

So you have a decision to make. Is your baby the most important person in the world to you and are you prepared to open both ears, listen to SS and do anything they ask of you? Because that's the only way to get through this.....

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Tue 08-Jul-14 15:01:48

It sounds like your aggressive and violent behaviour has destroyed your family and social services are protecting your child in this shit storm of a relationship.

Familyjustice2014 Tue 08-Jul-14 15:14:20

wow i really didt think i get this negitve feeback first off all all the guys are not the same
and yes i did offer to social servies to move out and let them come back to our house where all there stuff is and my baby has his own room

i did offer that i would go to all these classes and go see a doctor and all the other stuff but the thing is it was her who picked up the knife and try to stab me because her mother had said if shes with me she is no longer her daughther so i stoped her stabbing me and pushed her and the the whole thing turned around and i was to blame as u see every 1 is good at judging pepeopl because its always the guys fault and i cant get acroos to any 1 who will listen and try to help and not judge to quickly and she came back to me alot of times and i was fooled by her she kept saying soory my mum mad me do this and the socia lservies but bless her she is in the middle of all these and most of all ourt son is in the middle of all this and i just asked how can i get some help ss are forcing her to get away from me because they are concerd or what ever but thiswas all made up against me and can i just add the day we got our house her mother didt like it at all that she had to move out and go to our house she made our lifes hell and she is playing an inceont person

sommerfugl Tue 08-Jul-14 15:18:38

Well, if things are so bad between you that she picked up a knife and tried to stab you then please accept that it's a relationship that isn't right and shouldn't continue. whether or not your xgf sent you texts saying that she wanted to return or not is not the point. YOur home life sounds like it was hell on earth and your child is better away from it. Hopefully your gf will flourish away from you.

Please support the social services.

Namechangearoonie123 Tue 08-Jul-14 15:19:01

You still need to do everything I said in my post. So instead of blaming anyone you still need to do the list.

Do the list. Don't bother blaming. You have responsibilities.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 08-Jul-14 15:20:31

Stop communicating with your girlfriend/ex.
Let SS know when she contacts you and call the police if she turns up at your house.
Ask SS what you need to do to be in your child's life, then do it.

There are no shortcuts here OP, the shit has hit the fan and if you ever want to be a part of your child's life, you are going to have to be a very good boy and do exactly what SS tell you to do. No excuses, no blaming your girlfriend, her mum, your dad, SS or anyone else.

Parsnipcake Tue 08-Jul-14 15:28:07

If you are going through the Family court process you are entitled to legal aid for a solicitor. So get one. The fact you say you can't afford one makes me doubt everything else you say.

I am a foster carer, and the most damaged children I work with are those that have grown up with domestic violence. They do not see the difference between power and love ( not all, but most). This can wreck their own relationships. Most a users are dismissive of their own role too. If you are the innocent party you should not have met your partner secretly, but should have informed the SW

If you are truly innocent, you should work with the system. It's not perfect but I can honestly say that I have never been involved with a case where social services have removed a child wrongly. They don't have vendettas against families, they are over stretched as it is.

Familyjustice2014 Tue 08-Jul-14 15:28:32

i have done all u said on list but not got unsupervised contat yet and i have also been arrested 4 time under differnt things
attcking her
kidnapping my child and threats o kill my self and him
being in an gang
having weapons guns and knifes
all of them no further action
and in her statement was i threat to kill my self an my son and her mum said i made threat to kill her and her family its clearly they are lying and im not blaming no body but how come they are letting my son to be with her and taking her side even tho she is just turned 18 and has pervoiise drug abuse and perviesly had attepted to kill her self

all i want to know what is the end of all this they gonna keep her away and i just visit my son that will destroy him when his growing up
and i pay money to her account and everytime i go to visit i buy him nappies food and clothsand everything else if i was the bad guy i would never do any of this and i would of saying u know what u all can F**k off but i havent done anything am getting accused of somehting she made up and i still forgived her because i knew what possition she was in she was getting bullied by her mum but social servies dont see that and since she got with me she didt touch the drugs at all i understad her really well but since we got our own place and our baby was born her mum just poisend her and now she has relised that but now social servies are bulling her its agians her humn rights if she wants to be with me or not they cant decide for her and make threats i have offerd social servies let them come home i will not go near hem and get court orders or what ever u want i will only contact them under your supervision and i will not mve back in untill we both pass what ever asesment u want but they are not listing and they more instred about making both of us go against each other so then they say none of u are fit parents so they take our son away

Confused26 Tue 08-Jul-14 15:28:51

Trust me when I say that you need to cut off contact from your ex for the sake of your baby. It doesn't matter who did what, who said what and what your MIL thinks. Your relationship was volatile and unhealthy for your son to witness.

If you want to be involved in your DS's life then you need to comply with all classes, recommendations and meetings social services suggest and arrange. Do not contact your ex and tell social services whenever she contacts you.

If your ex continues to try to involve herself with you there is a very good chance social services will look at having him removed from her care as she is failing to safeguard him.

Seriously, it's not about the two of you anymore. You need to concentrate on what is best for your DS.

Familyjustice2014 Tue 08-Jul-14 15:32:33

there is a non melestion order aginst me and i have not accepted it and i went to get silicitor and they said i cant get legal aid but they gived me an advise to offer an undertaken which is what im going to but my court is on 7 agu and they asked me to do an statement but i havent made 1 so what can i do ? shall i contact my gf silicitor and say i dont want to give an statement and want to ofer an undertken

Familyjustice2014 Tue 08-Jul-14 15:35:43

i know its not about us 2 anymore and about our baby thats why i said social servies want us to fight in court but i dont want that i just want to go and offer an under taken but the issue is the social servies have twisted this and destroyed us how can they get away with that they are playing god somebody need to do something about it how come they have such a big power and no 1 can challange them

AuntieStella Tue 08-Jul-14 15:38:10

Is she still living in mother and baby unit? Doyou know if it's the sort of unit where she will get the support she needs and the baby is safe?

Do you still have supervised contact with your DS?

Namechangearooie and Dione's advice on the steps you need to take is good.

MillyDots Tue 08-Jul-14 15:38:53

If what you say is true FamilyJustice then your girlfriend is not fit to be bringing up this child either. If she is attacking you with a knife and trying to kill herself then this child is in danger.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 08-Jul-14 15:43:30

You have not done everything on my list.
You have responded to your GF's communications.
You haven't called the police when she turned up. Instead you took her in, then saw her every day "in secret" when you knew it was forbidden.
You are blaming your GF, her mum and SS for this mess.

Stop it. Also don't "say" you will go on courses or to Counselling, just do it. If your GF and her mum are as bad as you say, take out a Non Molestation Order against them and PHONE THE POLICE if they break it. What do you work at OP?

gelati3 Tue 08-Jul-14 15:46:08

I am puzzled. You say you have no money and that the Solicitor told you that you won't get legal aid?

Familyjustice2014 Tue 08-Jul-14 15:52:13

that was before when they took her to the unit she was coming to me and she was saying sorry but i forgived her all i wanted to do was my baby to have a mum and a dad and then i got back stabbed after 3 months she went and got non molestion order against me thisis because the ss forced her to do and i nver said those thing to social servies before but now i have and they think im lying and they have moved them some where i dont know for about 2 months now i havent had contact with her and i still have contact with my son and since i proved to social servies about her lying and her mum is evil i asked to stop my son seing her mother and they listend to me but when i say to them i want all of us be toghther fo the sake of my son they keep saynig get it in your head she dosent want u and i said to them why u always talking about relationships im talking about being a parent to my son i just dont know when all this war will finish my gf is scared off her mum and ss and all she wants is an roof over her head but social servies dont listen i even offerd to go live in hostel and they can put a tag on my leg or wat ever they want just let them back to our house and i will not go near them and if i wanted to them it can be suprives visit

SittingNextToSanta Tue 08-Jul-14 15:53:36

Gelati, legal aid finished.

OP, you need to stay away from the Mother of your child, do not answer her texts, do not open the door to her.

Next book yourself on some parenting courses, some counselling, contact the CSA and start paying, get your life on track and show SS that you want to give your child some contact with it's father.

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