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He said he doesn't feel anything for me anymore-my life is completely shattered

(51 Posts)
Titsyandmitzy Mon 07-Jul-14 15:40:42

Please help me, I didn't ever think I'd be in this situation and I've got no one to talk to. This morning my husband told me he doesn't think he loves me anymore and I'm completely shattered by it.

We have been together 8 yrs and married for 4. We have a 2.5 yr ds. When he was 9 months old everything in my world fell apart. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my nephew was born at 26 weeks and very ill in hospital for months, my grandma died, my husband was made redundant and my dad then passed away. This all happened in a very short space of time. I suffer with anxiety which I've had to keep under control through all of this. I didn't take to motherhood easily and found/find it exhausting, I'm not sure if this is just because I'm crap or a knock on effect of everything else going on. I love my DS to bits and I think he's been the thing that's kept me going. But it's been hard raising him with all that going on too. It's safe to say I probably haven't been the best wife. It's been just over a year since my dad passed and I'm still grieving - it's still as horrendous as in the early months. I worry about my mum a lot and as I'm the only one around (both brothers live 2 hrs away) I spend time helping her etc. I also work 3 days per week. The past 2 years have been utterly shite.

His situation isn't easy either - he lost his job and has built up his own business from scratch during this last year. He's very stressed with the workload but bottles things up. During the horrendous time I've relied on him a lot for house work, cooking etc when I've just found it all too much with everything else going on. Not all the time but he's really stepped up and been amazing. But now this seems to have backfired he's stressed up to his eyeballs and I've made him fall out of love as I've been so useless.

We've had a few major arguments in this shit 2 years about the way he behaves when he goes out with friends. He will get himself in stupid situations like walking home through unsafe areas alone in the middle of the night, very drunk and vulnerable. We row because I don't understand why you'd put yourself in those situations when you have a family to consider. One occasion he did get attacked and ended up in hospital. This was the worst incident but there have been 4 or 5 major arguments in this bad period of my life where he's put himself in silly situations.

One row occurred last night and this is how it all came to head. He's extremely stressed with work and says he doesn't know where to turn or what to think anymore. His head is all over the place. He doesn't feel like he loves me. I feel like I've been a useless wife and my world has come crashing down because I haven't been making him happy. I never saw this for my DS and it breaks my heart to think of what his future might be. I don't think I can cope with al this. Sorry for rambling on, I just needed to get it out. I think I'm still in shock.

kaykayblue Fri 11-Jul-14 15:16:24

I just wanted to point out that even though you love this man and would obviously prefer him to be in your life, you managed perfectly well without him up until 8 years ago. You've already proved to yourself and the rest of the world that you can live without him. Of course you might not want to, but that's a separate kettle of fish.

You can do it.

I always assumed that the first relate session would be the worst, as it's when you pour everything out. It's only when you start working with the person in the sessions that's things start getting put back together again.

You really need to stop assuming what's going on in your husband's head. Him saying those things doesn't mean that he doesn't think they aren't fixable - maybe they aren't, but it's not like he said "I can't stand the sight of you and I cannot imagine my life ever being happy with you in it".

He was being honest with his feelings, and if the counselling is going to work, then you really have to not punish him for that. Otherwise he will simply stop doing it and bottle it all in again.

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