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Advice on ex partner's ex wife.

(43 Posts)
Pinkballoon Sat 28-Jun-14 11:52:00

Advice really needed here.

My ex partner (who I have a child with) divorced from his ex wife 6 years ago. He was having an affair with a work colleague and she obviously found out. When I met him, that affair was coming to an end and he was very remorseful about what he had done etc etc (or so he claimed, obviously have the benefit of hindsight here.) They had children together.

It transpired that he had significant alcohol and perhaps mental health issues, and it is these together with unfaithfulness (again, surprise surprise), and is attitude towards our daughter and me, that led to our split. At the time, his ex wife was also launching tirades of abuse at both my children and me by email (including investigations into us!) following the birth of our daughter, which led to the Police being involved. It was a totally shattering experience. They issued her a harassment warning at her workplace, told her that she had narrowly avoided arrest (only because she stopped the abuse for a short period of time - the original plan was to transport her to my local police station from her work for questioning) and advised me that if she contacted me again, it would be arrest.

My ex said that he was confident that she would never do such things again blah blah blah. But he stuck his head in the sand the whole time, and from what I can make out, told everyone what they wanted to hear.

I don't have contact with him anymore because of his alcoholism (quite severe) and constantly harassing me with texts and emails through the night making bizarre (probably drink and drug fuelled) accusations. Repeatedly asked him to stop, particularly as am trying to deal with my mother having been taken into hospital with a heart attack and Lung Cancer (as well as raising two kids on my own and working.) Just got a load of abuse back. So warned him to stop. He's also been texting my friends through the night too, which they've ignored. sad sad I've asked him to go into rehab and then come and talk to me about contact with DD. He had quite a nasty car accident a couple of years ago (undoubtedly drink related) and there is no way she is getting into a car with him at the moment. We have a court hearing about other matters coming up soon, and he has one with his ex wife about finances in a couple of months.

Anyway, back to his ex wife. Bearing in mind the police harassment warning that was issued to her at her work, that she lives hundreds of miles away, that I am no longer with my ex (her ex husband.) Onto the mat this morning plops a bright red debt recovery letter - she has registered one of her debts at MY address.

Any thoughts?????

forumdonkey Sat 28-Jun-14 12:09:15

I'd say you need legal advice. I have absolutely none but I would return to sender 'Not known at this address' on the envelope x

Madlizzy Sat 28-Jun-14 12:11:55

I'd send it back with her address on it so they can chase her. I'd also report your ex for harrassment now.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 28-Jun-14 12:12:25

A few things spring to mind. One is to return the debt recovery letter with 'not known at this address' to the collectors. Another is to open the letter and contact the debt recovery people directly... explain that there has been an error & give them her actual address if you have it. Given the harassment history, I think you should also advise the police that she is now committing fraud. It would be worth getting a credit report from Experian or similar and seeing if there are any other financial transactions being fraudulently attributed to your address. Good luck

Madlizzy Sat 28-Jun-14 12:13:57

Or what Cogito said smile

Pinkballoon Sat 28-Jun-14 12:16:23

I'm just totally gobsmacked that she would do such a thing. What on earth is she thinking? I've never even met the woman, have nothing to do with her. And now this!

Allalonenow Sat 28-Jun-14 12:25:41

I don't think that simply marking the envelope "Not known at this address" and returning it to the sender will actually achieve anything. That is the first thing that anyone trying to evade a debt does, so debt collectors will ignore it.
You need to contact the agency and give them her address, also tell the police what is happening. Keep copies of all correspondence and keep a detailed log of these events.

Dwerf Sat 28-Jun-14 12:29:52

I had a debt letter for my ex's ex spouse at an address that neither he nor she had ever lived at. Turned out my dd (12 at the time) shared an initial (and surname) with her. I opened the letter and rang the company explaining that the person they were looking for was not my child. I may have also given the street where she lived. I didn't know the number. So, in short, I'd open it and ring them.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 28-Jun-14 12:30:38

"What on earth is she thinking?"

You don't know when the debt was taken out. You mentioned financial problems between your ex and his exW and she's clearly very unstable given the previous behaviour. She could have taken out all kinds of loans using your (his) address if she has a bad credit score at her own address and it could have been going on for years. You only know about this one because she's defaulted - hence why I suggest getting a credit report pronto.

Pinkballoon Sat 28-Jun-14 12:41:08

I'm already on Experian. There's nothing on there about her. Have gone through all the various sections on there.

Its really freaked me out TBH. Its just so weird.

LisaMed Sat 28-Jun-14 13:11:45

OP other credit reference agencies exist. Just in case it may be worth checking Equifax and I forget the other one.

I'd actually go to the police as this could potentially be harrassment. It could equally be a debt collector's fishing expedition but you need to cover yourself.

Good luck

WhizzFucker Sat 28-Jun-14 13:12:36

Do what Cogito says. She probably put your address down ages ago when all the other harassment was happening and it has only just got to the stage of debt recovery.

Pinkballoon Sat 28-Jun-14 13:16:04

Its just that she was warned by the police in the strongest terms that if there was any more behaviour, she would be arrested. And the police did this at her workplace (as she was doing it from work.) You'd have to be stark raving to go on and do this……...

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 28-Jun-14 13:26:00

Stark raving seems to describe her to a tee though... Make that call.

Butterflyspring Sat 28-Jun-14 13:29:32

Just a thought, are you sure it is her that has done it - could it be him who has taken debt out in her name at your address? It seems an odd thing for her to do, especially in light of the police warning.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 28-Jun-14 13:33:33

It's not for the OP to work out who did what and why. They simply report the fraud and let others do the rest.

Pinkballoon Sat 28-Jun-14 13:35:30

It definitely looks like it relates to her. I looked up the company that the debt collectors are acting for, and it is an upmarket car finance company. I remember he told me some time ago that she was very angry at having to trade down from her £40k car (yes, really) to a smaller different model as a result of a previous financial hearing in court. So, looks like it relates to this.

MuttonCadet Sat 28-Jun-14 13:38:53

Contact the agency and explain the situation, it's up to them to chase her. It's nothing to do with you.

sisterofmercy Sat 28-Jun-14 14:01:29

Contact the debt agency and give them her details if you have them. Don't worry too much about them as you have plenty of proof she doesn't live at your address so will not be liable. Even if someone turned up at your door you have that proof.

Contact the police and tell them her harassment has started again. Get legal advice on what to do about your ex as you may need the same protection from him.

Good luck!

Butterflyspring Sat 28-Jun-14 14:07:54

I would go to police I think - fraud no matter who did it and you don't want or need the hassle of debt collectors.

Pinkballoon Sat 28-Jun-14 14:10:47

Just gets worse.

Thought I'd just do another financial search on myself with Equifax this time as another poster was suggesting.

I was apparently being traced by a Private Investigations Agency last year (when all the harassment was going on.) Shows a trace done on my name and their name. Just looked them up and one of their specialisms is surveillance in matrimonial matters. Un….inbelievable.

I know that his ex wife did this to the woman that my ex went off with. Obviously she's started on me now. And the thing is that last year I kept thinking that I was being paranoid because there were unexplained cars outside the house with just one person sitting in etc, turning round etc.


TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 28-Jun-14 14:43:47

Fuck, she sounds utterly barmy, calling the bloody police, she has no need to approach you at all since you're not in contact with your ex anymore.

TiredCassandrasbed Sat 28-Jun-14 14:53:20

Was she still married to your ex when she was doing the PI? Was that for a divorce to prove adultery?

I agree if it was him or her that set up debt in your name, this is fraud and needs reproting.

I think you had a lucky escape finishing with this Man and all the mess he brought into your life.

TiredCassandrasbed Sat 28-Jun-14 14:55:16

I would also report that Private Investigator firm to the police, they will have told someone all your details, and that can't be legal can it? They are probably partly to blame for this fraud and the police should know about this.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 28-Jun-14 14:58:37

Fortunately debts are attached to people and not addresses, so if this debt-recovery letter is addressed to her and not to you, there's nothing to be feared for the moment. WRITE back to the debt-recovery firm, enclosing a copy of their letter and tell them the person who are seeking to communicate with does not live at your address and never has. Give them any addresses you have for her, most especially her work address.

Next, take that letter to the police and give them the information you have about the investigations agency.

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