A bit of history for anyone wanting to catch up; Post One and Post Two.
Tonight, heart pounding, I went to the flat with my mum. From the moment I opened the door, it was obvious that no one was in, so I went into the kitchen, where I had left my second note to Spencer and Sweetie, and found a note from them in return:
"*My name,
Sweetie and I received your note however we are both away this weekend and leaving straight from work. Sweetie is working Monday night, therefore it might be best to talk Tuesday?
[Sweetie working on Monday night isn't unusual, as she does it every week. This part didn't concern me, but...]
Text me on [number] and let us know what works for you!
[This is a blatant mockery of my phrasing from my first note, when I ended almost the exact same sentence with an exclamation mark because I thought a full-stop made it sound too much like an imperative.]
My reaction last night expressed disappointment and hurt towards a note you left us asking us to move out. You had all evening to talk to us or indeed wait until the next day to speak to us face to face. Coming home late on Tuesday to a small note hanging on our door was upsetting.
[This is pretty much what he kept repeating when we had our "conversation" (when he was 'full of rage'), despite me saying that I left the note because I wanted to give them as much notice as possible and let them know that evening. Also, take note he's still demanding me to acknowledge that what I did was wrong, wrong, WRONG; good luck there mate.]
Your latest note makes me feel like a criminal for no reason. Statements such as "I'm not comfortable being around you alone at the moment" are unfair and unjustified. I made several attempts after quickly sharing my thoughts [CAN WE ALL JUST LOL AT THIS FOR A MOMENT] to pause the conversation and save it for another day but you persisted to badger me.
[Let's just reflect... him furiously aiming accusations at me, and me giving reasons for each action he had fault with, counts as me 'badgering' him. As for 'quickly sharing my thoughts'... HAHAHAHA.]
Regardless of who said or did what this all could have been avoided and a lot easier if you spoke to us. [Translation: admit you were wrong. YOU WERE WRONG BECAUSE I SAY SO. I AM THROWING MY TOYS OUT OF THE PRAM.] Perhaps we should all draw a line in the sand and talk about it on Tuesday as we should have done to begin with.
[Translation: You're still wrong, and I'm angry because I'm a control freak who doesn't feel in control of this situation and I'm having a major tantrum.]
Speak soon, have a good weekend."
[Translation: go fuck yourself.]
My mum is also raging because, as she rightly puts it, there's nothing to actually talk about. I own the flat, and I've asked them to leave, that's all there is to it. Mum thinks he so desperately wants this talk because he wants to try and regain some control over the situation, and I agree. Well, he's got another thing coming. I won't deny that I'm still scared of him but now it's slowly turning into anger. I'm FURIOUS. He's not going to find me easy to bend, and I'm certainly not breaking, not with my entire family behind me (even my grandma, who arrived from Birmingham on Wednesday, and whose first words to me were "I've bought my boxing gloves, for your mate").
I'm at my flat now, with the door securely bolted - you can't enter once it's bolted from the inside. Tomorrow I'm seeing my parents and trying to make a concrete plan of action. My mum has told me not to be hasty but I'm adamant that at the slightest hint of him losing control when we (eventually) have our talk, they're getting booted out.
As far as living arrangements, I'm not sleeping here while either of them are here. Despite my mum's protests, I've not the smallest doubt that the second he tries to start any bullshit, they are GOING. I live on the same road as two language schools, and there are three more within a five minute walk (I work as an EFL teacher but not in the are where I live). During the summer season, host families are in extremely high demand and it'll be no hassle to get a nice female student in for six weeks. It won't pay as much as they currently do, but it'll be worth it.
This morning, at my parents' house, I woke up for the first time in weeks purely because I woke up, not because of numerous doors slamming. It was utter bliss.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
follow-up to last night's problem lodger update
peachgirl · 27/06/2014 23:48
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