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Would you give this man a second date?

(83 Posts)
needsmorecake Fri 27-Jun-14 14:14:36

Im really in two minds.

We got on well, he seemed nice, normal. hes solvent and has a good job. He was interested in what i had to say and he felt very comfortable.

however, i did not fancy him at all, though its very clear he fancied me.

He has asked for a second date, Ive said yes, to see how it goes, but im not sure.

kalidanger Fri 27-Jun-14 14:18:56

You wouldn't touch him with a barge pole or there just wasn't a spark?

In the matter case I might go for a 2nd, just to make sure. If the former I guess it's best not to waste his time.

kalidanger Fri 27-Jun-14 14:19:15

Latter* not matter

needsmorecake Fri 27-Jun-14 14:21:17

hmmm, well, no, it wasnt ' wouldnt touch him with a barge pole'

just more of a total ' no'

but he was nice company.

Lweji Fri 27-Jun-14 14:23:01

What is your experience in other cases?
Fancying can increase over time, as we get to know people.

Pancakeflipper Fri 27-Jun-14 14:24:24

Well attraction might be slow burner ( it happens).

I would go and see how I felt.

If nothing then you have to be honest to him and say you like his company and would like to meet as friend but doubtful it will be anything else. And he decide if he wants a new friend or he wants to spend his time searching for love and romance.

NoMoreMarbles Fri 27-Jun-14 14:28:09


I met my DH and went on a date with him...i felt there was hardly any attraction there but decided to give him another chance...

it worked out very well smile fell in love, we moved in together within 6 months, had DD 18 months later, married after 3 years and now have been together 10 years...

an initial YES attraction is not the be all and end all....sometimes it can grow and you may have met the man of your dreams smile

good luck smile

hellsbellsmelons Fri 27-Jun-14 14:29:07

I think I would yes.
He may be a grower (oh-er).
You won't know unless you try.

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 27-Jun-14 14:32:47

I'd go. You had a nice time right?

Dating is supposed to be exploratory, not a commitment.

LoisPuddingLane Fri 27-Jun-14 14:33:07

Unless there is a feeling of "oh god, no, please don't try and kiss me", then I would say give it a second chance.

TheHoneyBadger Fri 27-Jun-14 14:36:45

i'm awful at knowing if i fancy someone or not until i've kissed them personally. it depends how it usually is with you. i've had guys who i never thought of that way and then kissed and the chemistry was awesome. likewise guys i really fancied the look of but no chemistry whatsoever. just me though obviously.

needsmorecake Fri 27-Jun-14 14:36:57

ok. thats what i thought.

im going to give it another go.

CanaryYellow Fri 27-Jun-14 14:37:56

If he leaned in for a kiss, would you think "hmmm ok" or "eeewwww no"?

From what you've said so far, I'd give it another date, just to be sure.

LoisPuddingLane Fri 27-Jun-14 14:38:18

Yup, it's the kiss for me too. And the touch. And the taste. <gets carried away...>

firesidechat Fri 27-Jun-14 15:56:23

When I first met my husband there was no spark at all, although we became good friends. We've now been happily married for 30 years. I think an instant spark can be seriously over rated.

Corygal Fri 27-Jun-14 15:59:50

Go for it. You never know...

Hesaysshewaffles Fri 27-Jun-14 18:00:15

I'd go for a second date. I went on a date with me ex and didn't fancy him in the slightest but we developed a good friendship which lasted a month before we realised we had feelings for each other.

Could you imagine being naked with him? I always consider the naked test. If the idea of being naked with a guy freaks me out and makes me feel queasy, it's not likely to change.

DaddyBeer Fri 27-Jun-14 18:59:42

Just to offer a bit of perspective, an American girl I once dated explained the etiquette of their dating rules to me. Apparently it is the norm to go on up to 4/5 dates with someone before deciding whether you would like to "go steady". It is also acceptable - and even expected - that you will be dating other people at the same time. Business-like maybe, but also very practical. We had a few lovely dates before deciding we weren't for each other. No harm done. Never forgotten her counsel.

And, like other posters have said, never underestimate the slow burn. Sure, chemistry is important, but so is giving yourself time to really see someone's true character.

Best of luck!

BeforeAndAfter Fri 27-Jun-14 21:48:30

If you liked his personality and you were not repulsed by him then I would. The slow burn is not to be under-estimated and I believe it can outlast the lustful butterfly lurch of attraction. Obviously certain boxes have to be ticked accordingly to your absolute no-nos (mine have to be funny/witty, have good teeth and good personal hygiene) but if that's all present and correct then why not? If nothing else you like his company and know you'll probably have a pleasant evening.

60sname Sat 28-Jun-14 00:14:37

I gave my now DH a second date because I liked his personality even though I didn't feel an immediate spark. By the end of date 2 we had clicked.

needsmorecake Sat 28-Jun-14 07:14:34

I don't know, I feel more annoyed by him now, he text me a bit after the date, then again around 5pm to ask if my ears were burning as he had met his friend, which I didn't respond to as I was out and busy, which I had told him. Then he messaged me again at 1.30 am to say ' must have been a good night then'

Now I'm just narked. I think if I had fancied him I would have been pleased to get those texts, instead I'm pissed off.

Optimist1 Sat 28-Jun-14 07:20:39

A text at 1:30am is intrusive from almost anyone IMO. Looks as though his over-enthusiasm is going to be a stumbling block, OP. I would have been encouraging you to try another date until I read your latest post. Don't waste your time!

frames Sat 28-Jun-14 07:25:24

He was pissed. Has been showing off to mates about you, he likes you. Wait and see if he sends text with semi apologies for cave behaviour

needsmorecake Sat 28-Jun-14 07:28:19

It's just really off putting.

I've been single a really long time, so, it might just be me.But he sent 3 texts without me replying to even one.

gingercat2 Sat 28-Jun-14 07:34:05

Oooh no. I would definitely not bother with another date with this one. That last text was rude, both in what it said and the time he sent it. He is needy and controlling.

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