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Bad fight and I think I crossed the line

(315 Posts)
chickieno1 Fri 27-Jun-14 00:58:47

Had a very stupid argument with dh this evening. At the dinner table ridiculous about chicken! He got on his high horse about wanting to make his point and I said forget about it and he said he had to make his point. I then got up and took my plate with me and said if he really felt he couldn't leave it then I was going to finish my dinner elsewhere. He then said it was very ignorant of me to leave when he had cooked the dinner etc. I went to the kitchen and he was still going on and then said you can fuck off! Now I don't think we swear at each other and I saw red. I came back into the dining area and said what did you say and he said fuck off again. He was sitting at the table and I pushed him so hard both him and the chair fell over sad. The 9 month old baby was in the high chair next to him and the almost four year old was sitting on the sofa watching something before bath time. Dh got up went upstairs and either slammed a door really hard or hit a wall

We haven't spoken or looked at each other since. I feel really bad and don't know what to say or do sad

Trollsworth Fri 27-Jun-14 01:02:51

You assaulted him, and you need to leave. Go and stay with someone else. Don't take the baby, this is your doing and she doesn't deserve to be uprooted.

Boudica1990 Fri 27-Jun-14 01:05:32

I mean the argument over a chicken was petty but physically abusing him is horrendous!!

Im not surprised he's gone upstairs in a huff, what a horrible thing to do.

The thing is now, where do you go from here, you obviously need to apologise and nobody is to blame but yourself over this physical outburst.

You need to grovel my dear, and see if he wants to stay with you, because I can guarantee if the rolls were reversed and he pushed you everyone would be telling you to leave him.

All I can say is apologise, talk to him and see what he wants to do as you have assaulted him.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Fri 27-Jun-14 01:08:11

Is he hurt? Does he need to be seen by a doctor/A&E?

I agree i think you should leave. He wont feel safe with you there after this. Do you know if he has called the police or if he intends to?

wannaBe Fri 27-Jun-14 01:11:47

At least one man is killed every month by their violent partner.

You are a violent partner and your husband and your child are victims of domestic violence.

You need to leave and see where your husband wants to go from here, assault charge, divorce, supervised contact only to your baby.

What you did is unforgiveable.

chickieno1 Fri 27-Jun-14 01:13:50

He was not physically hurt but the look on his face was terrible sad. Shocked and upset. I've never done anything like this and we very rarely even argue. If we do it ever goes far before one of us laughs it off or tries to calm things down. I know this is really bad.

chickieno1 Fri 27-Jun-14 01:15:16

I will talk to him in a bit. He's going away in a few days for a week so that will give him time to think and me too. I really can't believe this

Trollsworth Fri 27-Jun-14 01:17:00

Don't talk to him in a bit, don't talk to him until he wants to talk to you, and I will reiterate, YOU SHOULD LEAVE.

denisetyrer Fri 27-Jun-14 01:17:59


How long would you suggest she leave for?

Trollsworth Fri 27-Jun-14 01:19:09

You need to remember tat he doesn't owe you any comfort, that he doesn't want comfort from you. You have assaulted him in front of his children and I doubt he wants to be in the same building as you, never mind have a nice reassuring chat about how sorry you are.

Go and sleep somewhere else.

Trollsworth Fri 27-Jun-14 01:19:43

Considering she was unable to keep her hands to herself with two small children looking on, forever.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Fri 27-Jun-14 01:20:33

He needs to feel safe in his own home, leave for those few days til he goes away. He may want to cancel his trip as i assume he would be leaving the DCs with you so he probably wont feel happy doing that.

NickiFury Fri 27-Jun-14 01:22:12

Are you your children's main carer OP? If so you can hardly leave your dc behind and only have supervised contact. I think that previous posters are so busy trying to treat you as they would a male abuser that they are not giving entirely sensible advice.

I fully expect to be roasted for that but it's what I think.

denisetyrer Fri 27-Jun-14 01:22:57


My thoughts exactly.

MexicanSpringtime Fri 27-Jun-14 01:22:58

Maybe you should think about some anger management course.

wannaBe Fri 27-Jun-14 01:23:18

"how long would you suggest she leave for?" she should leave on the understanding that her marriage is probably over and rightly so and that she will be lucky if he doesn't demand that she only have supervised access to her children.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Fri 27-Jun-14 01:23:38

Leave for tonight, or at the very least sleep in another rokm and dont approach him. Tomorrow source an anger management programme and enrol yourself. He may approach you to talk, he may not but it has to be on his terms. You have broken his trust- he has to feel safe talking to you and that wont come through you forcing conversation about this.

wannaBe Fri 27-Jun-14 01:24:45

"I think that previous posters are so busy trying to treat you as they would a male abuser that they are not giving entirely sensible advice." ah, so op should be treated differently because she's a woman? of course, because female abusers just aren't the same are they? hmm

denisetyrer Fri 27-Jun-14 01:24:51

STOP Why on earth would dh be unhappy about leaving DCs with her?

NickiFury Fri 27-Jun-14 01:26:16

Where did I say that wannabe you seem to have entirely made up a post from me confused

wannaBe Fri 27-Jun-14 01:26:49

because she assaulted him in front of her baby who was sitting in the high chair. He is now also a victim - social services take a very dim view of that.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Fri 27-Jun-14 01:26:53

Because she just pushed their father to the floor infront of them! They must have been frightened to see that. Goodness i am an adult and would be shaken up by seeing my mother push my father to the floor.

Redglitter Fri 27-Jun-14 01:27:09

Oh so because she's female and main carer of kids she should stay put.

DV is DV whether the victim is male or female. If the op had said he'd done this to her not one single person would be recommending her husband stayed in the house tonight

Boudica1990 Fri 27-Jun-14 01:27:59

nick so it's ok to smack your husband around as lomg as your the main cater for the children?! And should the marriage end due to physical violence on the females part. The husband should move out and get restricted contact to the children...yeah that makes sense.

Male abuser or female abuser, still an abuser. Mabne she should have thought of her children before attacking her spouse.

Equality aye?!?!

denisetyrer Fri 27-Jun-14 01:29:32

"Equality aye?!?!" Nope, just a deep breath and some common sense.

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