Feeling sick. Brother told me he thinks our stepdad has been spying on him. Advice needed urgently please

[BillyBobbed]

Have name changed. Brother confided in me that he is sure our stepdad has been watching him through the crack of his bedroom door, as well as the keyhole. He has caught our stepdad numerous times outside the door for no reason, and said he acts very flushed and awkward if my bro opens it. My bro told me that he had been getting changed the other day when he caught sight of stepdad in the mirror opposite the door peering round the corner to look at him. Bro is in pieces understandably, as he didn't want to believe it was actually happening.

So not to drip feed, he is 20, stepdad in late forties. He said stepdad has been extra nice lately too, doing his chores around the house and stuff. I don't live with them, so haven't personally noticed anything. I will admit we've always thought he was a bit innapropriate and flamboyant, but I just feel sickened at all this. The guy has raised us from kids that's what makes it worse. Please please what the hell should we do? Mother is crazy about him. Anything we can do for time being? Anyone have experience of this???

[ImperialBlether]

Your brother needs to get out of there and deal with it all from outside. Would he be able to stay at your home until he gets somewhere of his own?

[BillyBobbed]

I have offered him to stay at ours but we live far away and he has to get to work, that's the only issue. God I just feel sick my poor bro

[ImperialBlether]

Just be practical for a moment. Does he have friends he can stay with? Does he have enough money to move out? Do you have enough money to help him?

[BillyBobbed]

He does have mates fortunately yes, not enough money though and we are skint too. I wish he could just drop work and move in but it's not practical. I've been looking at hidden cameras, is it worth getting one to catch our stepdad or is it just stupid

[BlackDaisies]

Don't bother with hidden cameras, all they would do is show what you already know. For now, your brother needs to make sure his room is secure. Block the key hole and maybe put a bolt lock across the top (just so he feels more relaxed in his room and not worried about being walked in on.) Long term he needs to plan moving out. He can start by looking up flat shares to see what's available. Confronting your step dad would be difficult. He would simply deny it I imagine.

[FannyFifer]

Would he not ask him why the fuck he is spying in him?

Not like he is a child, he is 20.

[Locketjuice]

Sorry to be blunt.
Whys he spying on him?

[VerityWaves]

I don't understand this at all. Surely he can't see much through a keyhole and why doesn't your brother ask him why he is doing such a thing?

[DottyDooRidesAgain]

He needs to ask him what he is doing. What would be the reason your SF would be spying on him?
Your DB is 20 years old. He needs to confront him or move out.

As it stands there is no actual proof of him spying and I am not sure what he could see through a key hole? Tell your brother to put a t-shirt over the door handle to cover up the key hole in the mean time.

[BOFster]

Draught-excluding tape and blutac, Bob's yer uncle. Is he called Bob?

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

Forget asking him what he is doing or why he is doing it. You both know what he is doing and there is mo reason that makes it ok so 'why' doesnt matter. Brother needs to move out and tell your mum exactly why.

[BOFster]

Is 'flamboyant' code for 'gay', btw? Or just a little bit fabulous? Just so we know.

[STOPwiththehahaheheloling]

And he doesnt need to confront your stepdad. SD will just deny it. He just needs to tell your mum so that she knows what sort of person she is living with.

[DottyDooRidesAgain]

Inappropriate how?

Flamboyant in what way?

[BillyBobbed]

My brother suffers from serious anxiety which is why he hasn't confronted him. And by flamboyant I mean my stepdad is very loud and demonstrative. He is not gay as far as I am/was aware, although he has been spying on my brother. Did some not read the OP correctly? I said my brother has caught him numerous times outside his door, caught him near the keyhole and caught him looking at him whilst he was getting changed. Bro can also hear the creak of the floorboards outside his door on a regular basis when our mother is elsewhere. He is a very shy non confrontational person which is why I said he is in pieces. It's a shit situation.

[BillyBobbed]

Innapropriate I mean in the sense that he will make dirty comments and things about us and our big sister, but we always thought this was just him being him. We don't really find that kind of banter too funny, although I'm a are some wouldn't see it as an issue.

[BillyBobbed]

Telling our mum I don't think is an option tbh. She is crazy about him. I've taken the advice on this thread about telling my bro to move out. Thanks

[GirlWithTheLionHeart]

You should tell your mum, don't protect the pervert. She has a right to know who she is with. My stepdad used to do the same to me as a child.

[BillyBobbed]

Girl - I'm so sorry it happened to you too. I don't think my mum would believe us at all, hence why I talked about getting a hidden camera. I honestly think she would either minimise it or just make an excuse

[KarlWrenbury]

I've heard of a v similar case of voyeurism. It's evidence that's missing here.
If you want to confront him or your mum you need evidence.

[Hissy]

So you think your DM will choose a sneaking pervert over her son?

I agree, your db needs to get out asap and the DM does need to be told.

Poor db, poor you, this is very sad and extremely disturbing for you both! :(

[KarlWrenbury]

Yup. Women often do this

[BillyBobbed]

I do think my mum would choose him, in a way. I don't know it's just so sinister what he's been doing. Don't mean to drip feed, just going on what bro is confiding every now and then but he says he feels the atmosphere in the house has changed and that stepdad is acting awkwardly. He was actually crying to me. Feel awful I'm not with him, this is going to send his anxiety into overdrive now.

[BillyBobbed]

Bro has told me so many times he's come out of his room after hearing the floorboards creak, to find stepdad right behind his door. Then stepdad jumps and says things like "oh you made me jump" etc, trying to cover his tracks. But seeing him the other day watching him in the reflection of the mirror and the kneeling behind the keyhole has pretty much confirmed bro's suspicions, and mine.

[ThePrisonerOfAzkaban]

My step dad used to do this to me, he also made a tiny hole in the ceiling above the bath and would go into the attic to spy on me from there. We had those windows over the doors in our house and he would climb onto to handrail of the landing to spy and would duck down if I looked up. It took me years to build up the strength to open the door on him and catch him in the act even though I knew it was going on. I would try and record it, you never know if you would need the evident and it may help your mum if he did tell. My mum took my step dad's side at first, quickly turned around and then believed me but only because I had evidence to back myself up, I was 15. Hugs to you and your brother, but try and get him out of there ASAP, have you looked to see if there any charities to help, like a male women's aid?