I'm 33 years old and have been in my relationship for eight years. After that amount of time we've both become a bit bored, we admit it. There have also been infidelities on both sides that we've worked through but they've left their scars, especially around trust. I love him hugely, I want only good for him. He loves me and we respect each other. However, along with the trust stuff, which we've worked very hard to get over, there are other issues. He's depressive and low energy, though he acknowledges this and does his best. But I look for positivity and fun more from friends and family than from him. We don't share the same sense of humour and we're not having as much sex as I'd like. Though he is amazing in a crisis, kind and hugely solid and wise, he's a heavy presence sometimes. I find myself thinking a lot about other relationships, just in theory, not with anyone real, just imaginary.
This worries me as I want to have a baby. He does too but we both feel trepidatious about it, for all the normal reasons I think, plus a little bit of doubt about the 'rest of life' partner aspect.
in short I'm considering us trying for a baby but I always thought that would happen from a place of absolute relationship bliss and strength. Whilst we're not angry or chaotic, it's a bit tired, like some relationships get ten years in and I do feel a bit like I'm settling and there is something a little damaged, a little sad, after an affair I had and his retaliatory infidelities a few years ago.
I know no one can advise this really but I find myself swinging almost hourly between desperately wanting to become a parent with him and fantasizing about leaving and trying to find someone a bit more upbeat, supportive of me, who makes me laugh. I know this sounds immature but it's one of those moments that feels like a potential life mistake, a major fork in the road. We've worked on a lot of stuff so I feel we know the essence of each other. The idea of losing him makes me feel distraught, but the thought of being with him for another twenty years makes me feel depressed.
Has anyone been in a similar position or have any insight into the best ways to stop over-thinking and just act?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Breeding or Leaving
BloodontheTracks · 24/06/2014 23:57
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