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I'm upset but don't know why I'm posting

53 replies

Backdatednamechange · 23/06/2014 13:30

I am so upset. Really sorry, this is stupidly long.

I'm on holiday with my husband, 1 year old, and my husbands parents, who I get along with just fine. We are holidaying at my parents villa, so only needed to pay for flights and car hire, which was shared, and food, which we haven't discussed yet but they will probably pay a bit more.

I'm also 28 weeks pregnant.

Since we arrived, I have been made to feel like shite by my husband. Starting from getting in the car, I couldn't get the new sat nav to work immediately, so I said we could follow my written directions. He and his dad had a go at me, inevitably went the wrong way, and the atmosphere was very tense.

Something similar happened the next day. They keep swearing and being unpleasant in the car even when I ask them not to in front of the baby, it also ,ales me feel knotted up inside.

Also, I am finding myself doing the lions share of the childcare, despite my husband insisting that this was meant to be a holiday for me too (sahm at home). I looked after him the whole time in the airport and plane, despite my big belly and DS's desperation to be walking.

Yesterday we both got up with the baby, and DH let me go back to bed 9-11, then I took baby in for a nap 11-1. Thereafter, PIL watched DS while DH and I made lunch, then we all had some time by the pool. Come naptime, we both put DS down, but then DH riled him up and took him out of his playpen until he was hysterical and impossible to settle. I then had to take him, and it took me an hour to calm him down, I was nearly in tears as he has never been so upset before. What is worse, while I was doing this, DH and PIL all fucked off upstairs laughing and drinking. I keep getting left alone with the baby.

PIL will happily take him - when he is happy. Then I get a screaming baby handed back to me who is insanely difficult to settle.

Then DH came down and said he was putting DS to bed. I stayed downstairs until 10pm, alone, very upset. They were all happy without me. I couldn't bring myself to go upstairs after DH had been so dismissive. DH then ipad messaged me saying "my parents want you to come and sit with us", so I replied, "I don't care what your parents want, I'm too tired and upset".

DH came down, apologised, I accepted and went with him to make dinner. PIL were watching football, FIL was playing on DH's ipad. I received a message on my ipad from DH's, saying "yes I know what u think of my parents" - DH was in kitchen FIL was on his ipad....

So I told DH, who got really angry at the invasion of privacy, and sent me to the bedroom so he could speak to his mum. About an hour later he came to get me, he was hammered, reeked of fags ( I don't smoke, and the smell makes me ill, he has promised before that he won't smoke), and refused to tell me then what had happened, said to put a happy face on and he would tell me later.

After dinner, we went to bed, I went to shower, and DH got mad at me because I wouldn't have sex with him - just went to sleep ( stinking of fags when I had asked him to shower) without saying anything.

This morning, I got up with baby and took him to a separate living room off the pool so he could play safely and I wouldn't wake anyone up. I went back with him at naptime, but DH was still asleep. He woke up, ignored me, left me to put the baby down and buggered off to the pool with his family.

After an hour, DS still hadn't napped so I brought him out for lunch - really upset at the feeling of exclusion both from last night and today. DH came upstairs and started asking me why I wasn't downstairs. I told him how upset I was, (don't think he remembers much of last night) and he said sorry, which I said I'm not accepting as it won't get me anywhere, I shouldn't have accepted yesterday's apology. I feel like a glorified babysitter / hooker and not good for anything else. Anyway he got really angry when I wouldn't accept his apology, called me a cunt, told me I was ruining his parents holiday, brought my mum into it (we aren't getting on), and told me DS wouldn't want to spend the holiday with me either. He said a few other choice unpleasant things, but no need to go into all of them.

I was crying after all this doing the washing up, and PIL came upstairs behind me (didn't hear them) wanting to know what was wrong, I went to my bedroom and they knocked on the door demanding to talk to us.

But I don't want to discuss it with them, because I'm an adult, it's not their business, all they would say is "you both need to calm down/not argue" and they would refuse to acknowledge anything DH might have done wrong.

But I feel like shit because of the general atmosphere (very pissed), shit because I keep getting left alone with DS, shit because I'm pregnant and exhausted, shit about what FIL messaged as I assume he thinks I don't like them? (I didn't need to facilitate this holiday), and shit because of how DH is treating me. He has also refused to tell me the outcome of his talk with his mum regarding FILs message to me, which has made me feel very excluded.

I don't even know why I've posted except I feel very sad and alone, DH is at the shops and PIL are in the living room (outside my bedroom) playing with DS.

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bonzo77 · 23/06/2014 13:44

Get your passports, your changing bag, the buggy and the baby and go home. Taxi to the airport. Wait for a seat on a plane. Or better still take the hire car to the airport when they're all pissed.