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what to do now. hand holding

(22 Posts)

Tonight i was getting dinner ready and sorting things out for fathers day like a normal grown up does. My in laws arrived said a quick hello and went straight to see dh in garden i carried on with my duties. Five minutes later i pop out and ask if a drink has been offered and would they like one yes please from all.i Carry on with things. Then dh comes in and accuses me of having an attitude problem as they had asked should they go home. I cant bloody win if i dont clean and tidy mil looks around disapprovingly and they were the fucking ones who went straight in the garden.
so following this i decide to go out with tea and apologise despite me not being in the wrong. Then dh flies of the handle and goes upstairs in a mood because i have done the wrong thing again. This then causes a blazing row for an hour how he does not like me anymore and he has not been happy for a while and i should move out more arguing everything blamed on me despite me spending 18months getting our mrraige bk on track he wont work through his problems wont go to counselling and i cant do anything right. I dont work and am a sahm. Wise ladies what do u think of this behaviour has someone turned his to behave like this? I have told him no one else has a problem with my personality like he does. We have argued alot like this before but i think this time i need advice on what benefits i am entitled to as he is not interested in working on our marraige. And i dont want to be with someone i cant laugh with or be myself.

Lweji Sun 15-Jun-14 21:06:29

The usual response to this is that he has someone else.

In any case, don't chase him. It can only damage your self esteem.

I'd advise you to ring CAB to understand what benefits you can get, check the Child Maintenance calculator if you have children and get legal advice (many solicitors offer free initial consultations).

He sounds like a twat, btw.


Thanks yes have one dd.
he also has said he doesnt think hes the right man for me and that i should sleep with others because he couldnt perform a couple of times and go to sort the problem. So hurt and fed up with this shit.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sun 15-Jun-14 22:25:24

Yep, causing rows, giving you excuses to leave. He has something to hide and he's trying to turn it round on to you.

I'm so sorry. But you seriously don't need this in your life and you know it.

wafflyversatile Sun 15-Jun-14 22:31:55

Tell him that if he's not sure about the marriage he had best move out to give you both time and space to consider your positions.

Lweji Mon 16-Jun-14 04:04:09

Is he blaming you for his performance problems?

Do you often apologise even though you were not in the wrong?
It's interesting that you called "duties" making tea for your OH and his parents.
It sounds like you can run and run and it will never be good enough for him.

This is the time to detach and let him go. I suspect he'll backtrack soon enough if you don't play his game.

You are a SAHM with a DD, so he should move out. Get legal advice on forcing him to move out.

BuzzardBird Mon 16-Jun-14 06:07:40

Yes, he should leave. You should be happy.

MissMarplesBloomers Mon 16-Jun-14 06:27:31

Please don't move out. Get some legal advice & check what benefit support you can get.

Are you joint owners of the house or renting?


Yes i am constantly apologising for things i dont need too.
After a long talk it seems because i am changing and dont worship the ground he walks on anymore its caused him to loose patience with me. And if i start being how i used to be he will change.
I mean wtf? I have been horrible to him for ten years apparantely when recently he has been one kicking doors due to not being able to talk like an adult. He i think has been angry since i told darling ex colleague to piss of and leave him alone on twitter last year. And even if there was nothing he was getting a boost from their 'online' friendship when his rule is always add colleagues after they leave. I am not allowed to be angry and pissed off though i have to sit and be nice. Yes its joint morgtage.


Cant remember last time we laughed or i felt to be myself. Feel sad this morning.

Star8369 Mon 16-Jun-14 08:18:02

do you think he might be having an affair?


I dont know he is always at home if he was it would be at work in work hours.
The colleague i was talking about has left now. But i did leave a post the other week how the lady in sandwich shop acted all weird on me when i went with him

Vivacia Mon 16-Jun-14 08:42:37

he also has said he doesn't think he's the right man for me and that I should sleep with others

I think people say this when they want to sleep with others, or they already are.


I have been wondering if someone is making sexual advances at work. When he is nice he is charming attractive and has lots of good qualities. When someone has their head turned they only seek the good thing about them.

Lweji Mon 16-Jun-14 11:25:52

I really wouldn't worry about other people right now and just tell him to go.
Help him by packing his stuff.

Christwaddle Mon 16-Jun-14 11:31:22

There's someone else.
Sorry op.
Pack his bags.
Get on with your life x


Thank you for your advice been speaking to with rl friend who has also put the picture into place. From someone who has just been in one relationship i dont feel now its a healthy one even a friend from church thinks there may be someone else. i have alot of thinking to do because my dd adores her dad so will need to do things carefully. Has anyone else only got one dd and split how did they deal with it?

Lweji Mon 16-Jun-14 14:04:43

Look, he's the one throwing the relationship out of the window.
You cannot live like this just so that your DD has a father at home. Particularly a father who behaves like this in relation to her mother. It's not a good example and it is not healthy for your DD.
Remember that children need good fathers, not just any father.


Absolutley. He has sent me a text as if nothing happened last night i feel that i have nothing else to give things have changed so much i am loosing weight and cant function properly in the day because of it. I think despite doing the right thing for 18 months i need to think of my health and my daughter now. I mean ffs why should i be made to say please asking for a cup of tea.

Lweji Mon 16-Jun-14 19:37:24

It sounds like time for a leaving plan.


Yes. I have looked at flats and could afford one near dds school. I think its a matter of thinking what i want now. I have given alot of my emotion to him that has been constantly ignored and all our problems are suposingly my problem. so now its time to think about me and my happiness.

MissMarplesBloomers Thu 19-Jun-14 09:58:49

Good for you Round prioritise yourself for a change.

Just make as many plans a you can before telling him. They often kick off in the nastiness stakes once you've had the audacity to decline a life with the wonderful husband they think they are!

Keep strong & post here for advice if you need it.

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