Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Quick help before I go on this date tonight please?

(87 Posts)
akaWisey Sun 15-Jun-14 16:53:54

Guy on zoosk. Looking for relationship. Messaged a few weeks ago and he disappeared after giving me his number. I assumed he was player so left it. He got back in contact a week later - he'd been in hospital with an acute attack of a chronic syndrome he's got.

Resumed messaging. By this time I'd arrange another date. I told him this and he said he'd rather not date someone who is multi dating. So we agreed to leave it. 10 days ago - he got back in contact and asked if I was seeing anyone because he wanted to meet if I still wanted to. I said I wasn't so we agreed to meet today.

Lots of contact on phone. He tells me he's spoken to loads of very troubled women online, he did some training as a counsellor and can't help trying to help. Has asked a lot of questions about me - as if he's trying to find the 'issue' in my background. Obviously I'm not going there. So he cancelled our date originally for this afternoon….and asked to meet tonight instead, something about his grown up kids had arranged a surprise dinner for him today. I was pissed off as just about to leave to meet him half way between where we each live. Really got the impression he was bailing and felt a bit defensive. So said look, if you want to call it off just say so I'm cool. But no, he really wants to meet but felt he couldn't blow off his DC's. All very understandable.

So I went online to alter my profile. I'm not online now. Got a text him saying how could you you're online!x. I said yes and your assumption is? He said joking. I said well that's a strange joke.

I think it's strange. Or is it me. Im supposed to meet him at 8 which means leaving at about 7.30. What would you do? He just text to say it's fine if I'm talking to other guys we haven't met yet and why am I being a silly billy.

Sorry, bit long. It was going really quite well, but i'm thinking he's either looking for excuses to bail or he's maybe a bit something I can't put my finger on.

Bluestocking Sun 15-Jun-14 16:55:46

I think the red flag is the bit about how he "can't help trying to help" all these troubled women who flock to him online. Makes him sound a bit vampiric.

EBearhug Sun 15-Jun-14 16:57:58

I think I'd be running from this one, and I think your instincts are telling you the same with the "bit something I can't put my finger on." But I wouldn't want people trying to counsel me tell me how to live my life unless I'd asked them to. He sounds a bit weird.

CatKisser Sun 15-Jun-14 16:58:16

Far too much hassle already, IMO. Alarm bells were ringing for me at the "troubled women" stuff. I had an ex who claimed all his exes had massive issues and problems, and he drove me half mad telling me I was unstable.

He just doesn't sound right at all and I'd block him immediately and move on.

akaWisey Sun 15-Jun-14 17:00:43

I've told him he's barking up the wrong tree with me because there are simply no hidden 'issues', nothing for him to get his teeth into if you'll pardon the pun.

Maybe I'll be too boringly normal for him then grin

SanityClause Sun 15-Jun-14 17:01:12

He sounds like hard work, TBH.

akaWisey Sun 15-Jun-14 17:02:10

Yes. Last text "why are you feeling like that Wisey, I was pretending to be insecure"

To me, it felt like he was trying to catch me out.

CatKisser Sun 15-Jun-14 17:04:43

HE sounds deeply unattractive and although I don't know you I'm CERTAIN you can do better! DONT meet him, he's weird!
but if you do be sure to report back to us on how awful it was

Scarletohello Sun 15-Jun-14 17:05:17

Feels like he's playing games with you already and just sounds like hard work!

Scarletohello Sun 15-Jun-14 17:05:49

What do you like about him?

He sounds like a pain in the neck. I wouldn't bother with him.

expatinscotland Sun 15-Jun-14 17:08:47

I'd text back cancelling and enjoy the evening with a large glass of wine and a hot bath.

akaWisey Sun 15-Jun-14 17:09:48

What I've liked about him so far (til right this moment) was his openness about himself. Plus he's laid back it seems. And good looking. And solvent. Non smoker.

What has turned it all a bit is today. The date was going to be cut short so he could have dinner with DC's. Fine. Then it was cancelled. Then it was back on. Then I got the 'joke' text. Thing is, even if I hadn't been online it's a strange kinda joke don't you think? AND suddenly I've got a problem hmm

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Sun 15-Jun-14 17:11:07

Yep, hard work and horribly insecure. Cancel and block.You're best off out of it.

Bluestocking Sun 15-Jun-14 17:11:21

I didn't know you could end up in hospital with an acute attack of Pain in the Arse Syndrome; he must have an unusually bad case!

Caramelle Sun 15-Jun-14 17:11:40

When I finally found a guy who was no work at all, that's how I knew he was the right one.

I also don't love the way he kept jerking you around. I'll see you, I won't see you, I'm interested, I'm not interested...ugh.

expatinscotland Sun 15-Jun-14 17:11:44

Don't bother, seriously. This guy is weird. 'I'd rather we not meet. Good luck to you in the future. Bye.'

akaWisey Sun 15-Jun-14 17:13:00

YOu think he sounds insecure? I didn't get that at all before. Not at all. But he is rather over invested in me telling him stuff about me.

ohldoneedtogetagrip Sun 15-Jun-14 17:13:33

Cancel date and block. Too much like hard work.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 15-Jun-14 17:14:11

Do not bother with this man, this man is bad news. Red flags a fluttering in the breeze here a plenty. Ignore those at your emotional peril.

What is your own bottom line when it comes to relationships?. It may be that your own relationship bar is still set way too low.

niceupthedance Sun 15-Jun-14 17:14:53

What was he doing online if it's such a big deal?

I don't know, I might meet him for an hour just to definitely know one way or the other, maybe he's just nervous about meeting? But I agree, sounds like a bit of a nause.

expatinscotland Sun 15-Jun-14 17:15:35

He sounds fucking weird, and flakey and hard work. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. 'I'm not interested in meeting up anymore. I think it's best we move on. Good luck and goodbye.'

Scarletohello Sun 15-Jun-14 17:17:07

I think you should go meet him.... And then come back and tell us in detail how much of a weirdo he was! smile

akaWisey Sun 15-Jun-14 17:18:10

But that's just it! My relationship bar is set high and I don't play games. So. I've played it completely straight.

He said he was joking about my being online…..that was my first thought, what was he doing online if he's supposed to be having dinner. No. I think he was testing me. And maybe checking on me, saw I was online and thought he'd 'catch me out'. Then when I challenged him he backed down and made it 'funny'.

He's bad news.

angryangryyoungwoman Sun 15-Jun-14 17:19:38

He does not sound worth the effort to me, but that's my personal gut reaction.

However, everyone sometimes has last minute changes of plans etc, so that in itself isn't a problem on its own. I have a problem with the text because it's not funny, as a joke should be, it's actually a bit passive aggressive.
Your subliminal mind is telling you something, listen to it.

There are possible warning signs here, but if you think they can be cleared up, go on the date.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now