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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I always feel so ridiculously alone.

49 replies

Hurr1cane · 14/06/2014 19:47

I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment but I just feel so shit and sad all the time. I live on my own with my little boy who has ASC, severe learning disabilities and an array of health problems. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. But I still feel really alone.

I have no family up here, my mum moved us about all over the UK chasing after men when we were kids and ended up staying where we are, near her family. But when DS was diagnosed with all his challenges they were all vile about him. So I don't talk to any of them anymore.

My dads family are ace, but all live miles away. They phone me once a week but it just isn't 'enough' if you know what I mean. I'd love to move to be closer to them but DSs dad is here and I don't want him to go through what I did when I was a child. I want him to have his dad near him.

I have a DP who I've been with a couple of years now but can only really see him once a week, we are rarely intimate as he's always really tired.

I have friends ish. But they all have children with disabilities and their own families so I don't see them often either.

I can't work because of the level of DSs needs so I'm just in the house or taking DS to places he likes.



You don't actually have to reply to this I just want a cry. I'm completely sick of life at the moment.

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Wishfulmakeupping · 14/06/2014 19:52

I here and listening, I'm not sure what advice I can give you but it sounds like you are a fab mum really trying hard so let yourself have a cry if you need to xxx

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yummytummy · 14/06/2014 19:53

Hi just wanted to say ur not alone. I feel exactly the same. Single parent no family support at all and ex is a complete wanker who moved in with a new woman a few weeks after we broke up after a 20 year relationship. So yup another who is sick of life but I guess it can only get better right? I just live a day at a time and try and do one tiny nice thing a day like sitting with a coffee for two mins or a shower with my fancy shower gel. Sounds small but does help. But yeah its def not just u x

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Hurr1cane · 14/06/2014 19:55

DSs birthday is coming up and although DP has taken the day off work, it's just going to be me, DP and DS. Not much of a party for him is it? I feel like a shit mum who can't even give him a proper family.

On Christmas I have DS in the morning to open his presents and send him to his dads for the rest of the day for a proper family Christmas because I can't offer him that. Then I just sit at home on my own wishing I could.

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foadmn · 14/06/2014 20:02

i can't do anything except send you love and hugs. i believe in God so i'll pray for you.

three people is enough for a party, two people is enough, if there is love.

i used to spend Christmas afternoons alone, too, while daughter was with her dad's family. you get used to it.

more love, sister. [that's a Shaker greeting. it came to mind]

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Wishfulmakeupping · 14/06/2014 20:04

Please don't be hard on yourself OP you really are doing an amazing job by the sounds of it but I know sometime we can't see how well we are doing ourselves. I agree with yummy try to be kind to yourself and do something nice whenever you get a chance to xx

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Walkacrossthesand · 14/06/2014 20:09

Just a thought - is there any way some Christmases could be with your dad & his family? Just a couple of days, maybe Xmas eve/ Xmas day, coming back in the afternoon so DS's dad can pick him up for a 2nd Christmas? It's nice to have something to look forward to as winter sets in.

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Hurr1cane · 14/06/2014 20:28

It would be nice but DS wouldn't cope with the travelling and change at such an exciting time Hmm we are working up to maybe visiting them in the summer if he's up to it though. I do like the fact that he still gets a good family Christmas and I'm really happy that he has all of his dads side. I'm just a bit sad that I can't give him that as well.

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Hurr1cane · 14/06/2014 20:29

Thanks for all the lovely replies by the way Smile

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Parsley1234 · 14/06/2014 20:34

Sending you love it's just me and my beautiful ds. I feal sometimes I can't give him a great family as I have no family so he ends up going to his dads but I know I do the best I can and sounds like you do too. Must be really hard with your sons additional needs too I'm really sorry it sounds tough.i hope you manage to visit your dads family xx

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springydaffs · 15/06/2014 07:37

I'm sorry things are so hard for you xx

I'm at the other end of parenting (kids grown) and in hindsight I did too many things 'for the sake of the children' which left me impoverished in one way or another. I'd say that if you are suffering because of your situ then your boy will be suffering too - and to that end I would seriously consider moving to be closer to your dad's family.

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superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2014 07:51

What springy daffy yet. Is his dad a good dad anyway?

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superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2014 07:51

Said even!

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Hurr1cane · 15/06/2014 10:02

His dad and his dads family are fantastic and are a massive part of his life. He has contact with them regularly and it's my only form of respite. I would never get over the guilt of moving him that far away from his family. I just couldn't do it. I get that other people do but there will be different circumstances and reasons

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springydaffs · 15/06/2014 13:22

Half his family - the family that are making your life miserable. Do please consider the effect of this on you, therefore the effect on your son . Really, that's how it goes.

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Hurr1cane · 15/06/2014 13:46

His dads family aren't making my life miserable. I probably wasn't clear, my mums family are.

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springydaffs · 15/06/2014 14:06

I would still consider moving for your sake, therefore your boy's sake

Honestly, it seems so clear to me, now it's all over for me, that mothers, especially currently, lay down their life for their children, to the mother's huge detriment - therefore the children's detriment. I'm not talking about doing precisely what we like, just looking at the main building blocks: your situation is making you very unhappy. Perhaps have a look at the 'guilt', pick it apart, put it under the microscope...

There are so many things I could have done but didn't 'for the sake of the children'. As a result I was ultimately miserable - and that had a direct impact on my kids (though I didn't see that at the time).

Do you visit your dad's side of the family for extended periods? xx

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SavoyCabbage · 15/06/2014 14:14

There's a huge difference between all the moving that your mum did as a child and you and your ds making a move to live nearer your dad and family. It's not the same. You would be doing it in a considered way.


I've emigrated and we have nobody here. It's crushingly lonely. If I could go home, I'd do it today.

My mum told me, that you can't always be sacrificing your own happiness for your children. Because if you do then your children's mother will be unhappy and that is far more likely to have an affect on them than other things.

Please think about moving.

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Hurr1cane · 15/06/2014 14:15

But then I'd lose DP as well Hmm I love DP. We don't live together but I've known him forever and we've been together a good couple of years

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Twinklestein · 15/06/2014 14:19

How come you only get to see your DP once a week?

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SavoyCabbage · 15/06/2014 14:20

How come you only see him once a week at the moment? And how far is it from where you are now to where your dad lives?

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GungHo · 15/06/2014 14:28

I love springy. A long-time poster and so wise.

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Hurr1cane · 15/06/2014 14:32

Because he works a lot, and he works evenings so he will start work at about 3pm and work till 1-3am. So if he works 5 days a week (when sometimes to be honest it's 7 days) then he's got one day with me and one day to socialise with his friends.

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Hurr1cane · 15/06/2014 14:33

It's miles away from my dad. 8 hours drive.

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germinal · 15/06/2014 14:33

hurricane you sound so lovely and so selfless making the tough decision to be near your little boys df. I think it sounds like you have absolutely made the right, "child focused" decision. Your little boy will be all the better for having such a mum, who supports his strong relationship with his father.

Am so sorry you feel lonely Sad. I hope you find a way through that. Xxx

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Hurr1cane · 15/06/2014 14:35

If DS is having seizures though or if I haven't slept because of his care needs for a good few days he will come to mine after work and sit up till 6am with DS while I get some sleep and then go to bed himself while I get up, but then he will sleep till 2pm to get ready for another long shift. I am lucky to have him.

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