Just how hard is it being a single parent?
In particular to more than one very young child ( ours are 4, 2, and 4m)
I have sadly concluded that my relationship with the father of my children is going nowhere and is in fact destructive. I have probably known this in my heart of hearts for some time.
His behaviour towards me is never physically abusive but he does have a terrible temper and every few weeks will go off into a rage about something I have allegedly done. During these rows I am not allowed to speak up for myself ( His favourite phrase is "this is no time to defend yourself" closely followed by "for once in your life just take a telling". He occasionally admits a few days later he was in the wrong, feeling stressed and using me as a kind of verbal punchbag , but NEVER says sorry, seems to think it is all ok and gets annoyed with me if I show signs of feeling hurt after he has decided it is all over and done with.
He has never hit me but does stand over me waving his finger in my face in a threatening manner and he once threw a cushion at me , later saying "for goodness sake it was only a cushion."
Between rows he treats me with total lack of respect. During my last pregnancy I had various problems and found it very dificult towards the end. Not once did he say anything like " go and put your feet up, I'll do that" or ask me how I was feeling, how I had slept or whatever.
There is no intimacy or affection left at all. He has not paid me a compliment in about 4 years ( I can actually remember the last one!)
To be absolutely truthful I find him physically repellant ( he is overweight, does not keep his teeth clean or shave regularly)
He would not consider counselling ( gets very angry if suggested) anyway I don't think it would do any good.
Apart from the terrible example he is setting our kids he is a very good and loving father.
So my question to those of you raising kids alone after a relationship break up is just how hard is it? What has stopped me asking him to leave is that my life would be so demanding physically with the three kids , so difficult financially, in fact I am concerned I would just be replacing one type of misery with another, and completely upsetting both our families and depriving our kids of their dad at home.It seems awful to accept things the way they are, but the alternative is really daunting for a different set of reasons.
I am quite a brave person and not scared to be alone or anything , just concerned I would be physically worn down doing everything for the kids myself ( he is a very involved father, apart from to the baby whom he has practically ignored from birth )as well as all the jobs around the house he currently does.Our house is old and needs constant ongoing repairs which he is very good at once he gets round to it. I realise this may sound very mercenary but I am trying to be practical.
If we did not have children I would not hesitate for one second in asking him to leave.
Please advise, even if you have never been in this situation I would appreciate your input. Thanks
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Need advice from single parents
17 replies
worndown · 18/03/2002 03:21
OP posts:
Batters ·
21/03/2002 11:39
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