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Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

(726 Posts)
SoleSource Tue 10-Jun-14 18:53:58

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

pilates Tue 10-Jun-14 18:56:20

Up to you but I wouldn't.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 10-Jun-14 18:57:28

Ok by me.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 10-Jun-14 18:57:46

It's revoltingly outdated to think that you 'shouldn't' sleep with a man on the first date. That comes from the mindset that sex is a transaction and that access to your Sacred Vagina must be earned by the man. Of course, by the time he's done enough tricks to be allowed sex, it gets a bit awkward if he then turns out to be rubbish at it and you want to dum him.

Have sex with someone when both of you want to do so. Whether that's on the first date or not until you're married, as long as you do it when you want to rather than because other people think that it's time for you to do so, it's fine.

(Oh, and all that guff about how if a woman 'lets' a man have sex on her too soon he won't 'respect' her - why would a woman want the respect of a misogynist? Better to find out what he's like by shagging him if you're both horny, the sooner the better.)

teaandthorazine Tue 10-Jun-14 18:59:35

I see no reason why not, if you fancy it.

magpiegin Tue 10-Jun-14 19:01:28

Up to you. I slept with my husband about 3 hours after meeting him, 12 years later we're happy.

Do what feels right for you.

SoleSource Tue 10-Jun-14 19:02:12

OK smile thank you thanks

violetlights Tue 10-Jun-14 19:02:47

I think everyone's different, but I have to disagree with Solid. For me it's not "revoltingly outdated" not to. For one, I'd want to get to know him better to make sure he wasn't a wanker. If he turned out to be a wanker after I'd slept with him on the first date I know I'd really regret it. That's just me.

teaandthorazine Tue 10-Jun-14 19:03:09

Actually, I tend to think that shagging on the first date is quite a good test because there are, sadly, some men out there who will happily have sex with you and then proceed to try and make you feel bad about it afterwards yes, I'm looking at you, pathetic ex, as clearly you are A Slaaaaag.

It is therefore quite easy to spot and dump these losers early, before you have invested any emotion in them.

ReallyFuckingFedUp Tue 10-Jun-14 19:04:13

WHy wouldn't you?

If you would feel more comfortable getting to know him with out sex getting in the way than don't do it.

If you are worried he will judge you, then he is a useless cunt and its better to find out now..and *bonus*, you get a shag out of it first.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 10-Jun-14 19:06:37

I slept with DH on our first date, intact it wasn't really a date we just hooked up following a work conference.

For me there is nothing to regret about having sex with a wanker, far better to find out then than spend several weeks getting emotionally invested in someone only to then find out they are an utter twat.

Its just sex, don't over think it. It should be fun.

EyelinerQueen Tue 10-Jun-14 19:07:50

What SGB said.

As always grin .

JaycesMummy Tue 10-Jun-14 19:12:12

It's up to you but I personally wouldn't simply because if I was a man I wouldn't want a relationship with a woman that has given it to me on the "first date" it would make me think "is she the only one she is doing this with"

VelvetSpoon Tue 10-Jun-14 19:13:09

An awful lot of men who OD (ime, and that of my friends) are looking to shag about, or certainly not for a relationship - so if you're happy to shag him and never see him again, go ahead. Quite possibly you might never see him again even if you don't shag him, so at least the first option you get some (hopefully enjoyable) sex.

If you have any feelings for him - and if you've been chatting for 6 months I'd imagine you must do - I'd caution against it, because he may well just be after a ONS - which of itself is fine, but best avoided if you have feelings for the other person.

Maisie0 Tue 10-Jun-14 19:18:34

Mm... I would still go and meet him to see how you feel first. Talking is definitely not the same as if you had seen him in person for the past 6 months. It really isn't. I have done this before, and was disappointed when the real chemistry in person did not manifest itself and the guy became super shy.... for some odd reason. But he was able to waffle waffle on the phone. I'd go slow at the first meeting, and just hold hands, and see all the physical affections and see if it was natural or not first.

I have met guys before when in front of me, they are actually nervous !

Pinklaydee1302 Tue 10-Jun-14 19:20:03

If a man likes you it doesn't matter when you shag him IMO

Maisie0 Tue 10-Jun-14 19:20:10

Btw, if the chemistry is there, it will happen... you will want to bonk him. Don't worry about that. wink Don't overthink for now. Just dress nicely and get ready for your first date !

MrsDiesel Tue 10-Jun-14 19:20:21

Do what you want to do. I slept with dp on our first date. I enjoy sex, I don't give it any emotional importance beyond a fun activity.

It depends how it will make you feel afterwards. Don't forget if you do have sex he slept with you on the first date too.

ReallyFuckingFedUp Tue 10-Jun-14 19:20:50

It's up to you but I personally wouldn't simply because if I was a man I wouldn't want a relationship with a woman that has given it to me on the "first date" it would make me think "is she the only one she is doing this with"

Why? confused because he might think she actually likes having sex and doesn't just do it because she has hit the requisite amount of dates where you have to put out? hmm

Would you think the same about a man who had had sex with you?

ReallyFuckingFedUp Tue 10-Jun-14 19:22:50

If you have any feelings for him - and if you've been chatting for 6 months I'd imagine you must do - I'd caution against it, because he may well just be after a ONS

6 months of leg work just for a one night stand! grin that's dedication.

YolandiFuckinVisser Tue 10-Jun-14 19:23:06

Fuck yeh, why not?

Tinks42 Tue 10-Jun-14 19:23:44

As much as we'd like to think the same way as Solid etc. I personally wouldn't if I wanted to see him again and have all that angst whether he'd call again after blah blah blah. If however, he's shaggable and you need to scratch an itch but don't give a flying hoot if you ever see him again then go for it!

VelvetSpoon Tue 10-Jun-14 19:25:23

Unless you've done a LOT of OD'ing (I have, unfortunately) you really have no idea what men who OD can be like.

With ODing, normal rules of behaviour don't apply. I know several happily married couples whose relationships began with sex the first night they met.

I can't think of anyone I know who does OD'ing and has ever got so much as a second date if they slept with a man on the first.

I'm not saying it's right but it's how it is.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Tue 10-Jun-14 19:27:31

I wouldn't. Other women can do as they please.

VelvetSpoon Tue 10-Jun-14 19:28:00

It's not really 6 months of leg work though is it - it's not going on dates, or making a massive effort, it's just 6 months of exchanging messages, which he's probably doing with a few other women too (and getting a few shags in as well no doubt).

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