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Access to 5 month old baby- advice needed!!!

(15 Posts)
Lookingforabetteryear Sat 07-Jun-14 10:11:28

My ex partner and I have a four month old baby. He lives 200 miles away. I have visited his home town to visit friends n had arranged he take baby out for a few hours this weekend. He has cancelled saying everything is on my terms and he cannot bear to see me so has had to cancel. I am furious and was so looking forward to the break. What would you do now? How best to arrange access?

3littlefrogs Sat 07-Jun-14 10:15:18

He isn't really interested in access is he?

I would document everything, save any emails or texts and leave the ball in his court.
Don't rely on him to give you a break.
Sorry. sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 07-Jun-14 10:21:57

Who moved 200 miles away? You or him?

Lookingforabetteryear Sat 07-Jun-14 10:27:08

I did. Hes been going on and on and on a out seeing baby so seems v odd.

Quitelikely Sat 07-Jun-14 10:31:18

Get a friend to do the handover. Honestly he sounds like a waster.

Lookingforabetteryear Sat 07-Jun-14 10:31:54

Yes good idea

Cabrinha Sat 07-Jun-14 10:32:12

You have had very good reasons to move so far away, but whatever they were, I think you have to accept that putting 200 miles between a tiny baby and its father is almost certainly going to massively impact any relationship that they have.
He sounds like a tosser, wild horses wouldn't keep me from my baby. But he may have a point with it all being on your terms - hard to say from what you've said.

Cabrinha Sat 07-Jun-14 10:35:45

Your post doesn't sound like you've traveled back to enable access either. It reads that you were back to see friends, and you're angry you won't get a break.
I know that sounds harsh on you - and it's HIM that pulling out on his own child. But just on that one OP, the weekend does sound on "your terms" - so that may not be helping?
Is it a "normal" break up, or is he a wanker?

Lookingforabetteryear Sat 07-Jun-14 10:39:55

Not a good break up. He was not good at all in the relationship. But yes I suppose it was on my terms. Does anyone know the minimum legal amount of access a parent whose name is on birth cert but we where not married?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 07-Jun-14 10:40:06

That's also my question. Why did you move 200 miles away if you wanted them to have regular contact?

Lookingforabetteryear Sat 07-Jun-14 10:41:18

Yes good point. Never mind.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 07-Jun-14 10:42:49

In an ideal situation, both parents whether married or not, would share access 50/50. It is determined based on what is best for the child and there is a limit to how many 400 mile round trips are good for a small baby. What does 'not good at all' mean in this context?

Cabrinha Sat 07-Jun-14 10:49:37

So it sounds like you only want to offer the minimum legal amount?
If this man is bad news for your child, then leave it, and let his father worry about minimum contact. (there is no legally laid out minimum, and marital status wouldn't be relevant)
But be honest with yourself.
My ex is lying, stealing cheating scum... but is actually OK as a part time father. I've moved 2 miles away, even though staying in his town is massively inconvenient for my work. Is love to move 200 miles from him.
Unless he would be a bad father, I do believe in both parents having access.
And as you moved, I'd say the onus is on you to facilitate that. But not by offering some absolute minimum as babysitting when it suits your plans.
I would have a serious think about what you commit to, and look to give him the MAXIMUM access you can in the circumstances, not the minimum.

NewNameForSpring Sat 07-Jun-14 18:58:25

Surely handing your baby over to what would seem to the baby like a stranger is very cruel.

Do you even trust your ex to know how to take care of him/her?

As someone else said,, do not think of your ex as someone to give you a break.

Sometimes it is best not to have a difficult ex involved. Find some other regular childcare.

Lookingforabetteryear Sat 07-Jun-14 19:47:09

Thank you for your frank replies. Advice taken on board.

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