Hi all - slightly odd to type this as a new(ish) father - daughter is 11 months old - on a site which I guess is aimed at mums more than dads. However, I'd really appreciate a female/mum's perspective on things.
My wife (of 4 years) and I are really struggling to hold things together after the birth of our little girl - she's perfect (our daughter!) and was the result of a long process of trying, surgery for my wife and a miscarriage along the way. My wife has always been pretty strong willed, after a less-than-perfect childhood, and is in all honesty a much tougher person than me. However, that drive and determination has (in my eyes) turned into something far more negative since our daughter was born, and we are a long way apart emotionally.
We've tried counselling (at my suggestion) via Relate but my wife was not keen and it petered out after a while, and she's not willing to try again. Other people (my family and to a lesser extent my friends) have noticed the level of (verbal/emotional) anger - I'd go as far as to call it aggression sometimes - which my wife clearly feels and aims at me. It's a pretty much never-ending stream of bitterness and anger which I am just at a loss to understand or deal with.
I've spoken to my GP who was supportive and queried whether there may be a hormonal element to it all, but is a bit powerless unless she goes to him for help.
I'm well aware that there are two sides to every story, and am sure I p*ss her off perfectly justifiably, regularly - that's the nature of relationships, I know. But I just want to be a supportive, loving dad and husband, and others outside our relationship have commented that things just don't seem right. Even if I'm wrong 50% of the time, that still leaves the other 50%, right?
We're now at a stage where I can't see how things could change, and she's dropped hints about how she and my daughter would be "better off on our own". My own parents are desperately worried about losing contact with the grand-daughter they adore, just when they feel that they may not have much time left (both are elderly and not in great health), and my wife's own parents sympathise with me but have nothing to suggest, though they try to help as best they can.
To be quite honest, the only things that keep me from saying we need to be apart are our daughter, and the practicalities of it all (I'm resigned to the fact that my wife would have custody of our daughter, but I'm not sure how I/we could afford to live separatel). I'm ashamed to say that I think my wife knows this and plays upon it - she knows I cannot imagine anything more awful than our family ending, and not seeing my daughter grow up, and she knows I have so much to lose that I can't say or do anything.
Anyway, I guess I'm hoping that someone can tell me (honestly) that they were in the same situation and turned it around somehow, or perhaps that their partner behaved in a similar way and it was just a phase. Thanks for reading this far - it's good of you.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Female perspective needed
DesperateDad123 · 04/06/2014 22:24
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