Dealing with put downs and digs.

[superstarheartbreaker]

How do you cope with digs... Subtle and not so subtle? It seems like I never know what to say at the time. One friend makes a fair few. Some are so subtle that I don't realise that they are a dig until too late.

[rubyflipper]

Dump your friend.

[PoundingTheStreets]

Agree, dump your friend if they make a habit of it. Who needs friends like that?

If it's not quite that easy, there are a number of tactics you can use. One of the most effective is a very breezy complete failure to notice it's a dig. So if they say you aren't very good at cooking, you say something like "Oh I know. My inability to cook is legendary in some circles. It's a good job people love me for my other qualities" while laughing.

This tends to result in people either giving up completely, or raising their game to such an extent that all subtlety is lost and they expose themselves for the complete bully that they are and in doing so hang themselves by their own rope.

Alternatively, call them on it. "Did you mean that to sound so rude?" can be incredibly wrong-footing.

[daisychain01]

Please will you give any examples of what you mean by digs, super

Some people say things without thinking how it comes out, other people are genuinely diggy type of folk IYSWIM

I think your response could depend on the context, but I often find if all you do is say "pardon, could you repeat that" as if you genuinely did not hear.

A) it means they have to repeat the snidey comment, and it makes them realise how shitty it makes them sound. If you find you misinterpreted them and it wasnt a dig at all, then no harm done, just carry on the conversation as if nothing was wrong

B) it buys you some time. Even a few seconds may mean you have time to line up a response.

[Wishyouwould]

Dump. Life is too short. I've done it and don't regret it for a second.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Id like to have space but will be gery hard to dump as our parents are going out. One not so subtle comment was when I got pregnant after 6 months of being with dds dad...he dumped me. This person said 'well hes been a single man until recently and now there's a babyon the way....its just wierd.' Ok...mabe she has a point but it dosnt sound supportive.
Another dig was when I liked someone at work who also liked me...'you know it will never happen.' ...as though im not good enough.aggggrrr....
Our parents relationship has toned it doen a bit but it still bubbles up now and again.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Always stand up for yourself. Challenge digs and put-downs. Prepare a few withering come-backs rather than being left open-mouthed like a goldfish.

Even though your parents are an item, how much time do you have to spend with this person? And how do they know any of this personal information in order to comment in the first place? Seems to me that 'wind your neck in' and 'mind your own business' should be high on your list of come-backs

[superstarheartbreaker]

I guess she knows about me as we were best mates before our parents got together. They met through us. I got in a bad habit of confiding in her.

[Chottie]

I would be very careful not to over share with this person. The less she knows about your life, the less she will have to comment on.

I'm not good at comebacks either, so tend to take the same approach as pounding. A breezy laugh and smile and letting her sarky comments go straight over your head is a good way to wrong foot her. I've done the smile, understanding look with head to one side and a breezy "well thank you for that, it's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all day". Trust me - she will be the one with the goldfish mouth :)

She will soon tire if she doesn't get a rise out of you.