I don't know what to do!
I have just found out I am pregnant and am so confused about what to do. My DH wants an abortion and I'm horrified that he doesn't want the DB. It wasn't planned and was despite precautions. So i know he doesn't have to want a baby, but he always refuses to talk to me about anything, anything.
The trouble is I feel scared of having a baby with him! He seems to keep setting traps for me to walk into and sits back and laughs at me, he takes the piss out of me a lot and I feel reaaly down about everything now.
One thing I do know is how much I want to keep this baby and cannot bear to think about going throygh the abortion he wants me to have. I would hate to feel that he had stayed with me because of a baby, but I cannot have an abortion and I told him this, but now he is telling people and making me look stupid about it.
He is telling people as a joke that we are having a baby when we are both out of work (I have just given my notice at a very well paid job because of constructive dismissal so yes it is the worst situation) and he had already decided to leave work to start as s/employed. but hes using this i think to ridicule me. When Ive been upset abouut the terrible work situation and try to talk about it he calls me boring and negative. I kind offeel that all the time I am happy and doing absolutely everything he is ok, but he gets very angry if I am having a bad day or anything. like i'm not allowed to worry or be upset.
I have got so down about it all and when I told a friend that i was starting to worry and feel a bit scared about him getting angry she told me that I probably need to get onto some antidepressants fro m the doctor. I think i am going mad, and i feel like a bad person for having any negative emotions.
Am i just scared because of being pregant? should I have antidepressants to help me cope with him because I don't think i am coping with him and don't feel allowed to be unhappy for fear of being accusedof being negative and him getting in a mood and shouting at me.
The only thing I do know is that I want this baby. because he won't talk to me how will i know whether hes still with me only because he will look bad to others if we did separate? He is very fo the do the right thing in front of others, but hes so differrent indoors, but he jjust keeps making me look stupid in front of other people and then saying its just a joke.
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pregnant, shocked and a bit lost.
sugarcoatedthorns · 24/05/2014 15:37
I have had a termination, and the only regret I have about it is that I got pregnant in the first place (it was the result of fuckwittery on my part). The reason I mention this is that I want to make it perfectly clear that I am in no way opposed to abortion. Also relevant to your situation, is that one of the reasons I had my abortion was that I really couldn't bear the idea of being in contact with the man I got pregnant with for the next 20+ years. With hindsight I could have tolerated that, although I still don't regret my decision.
Not very long after I had my abortion, I got pregnant again (yes I know 
but it's not uncommon) and went on to have my now teenage son. For the first few years I was a lone parent and very, very short of cash -it wasn't plain sailing by any means. But with ds's arrival I got my house in order and now have a pretty well paid job that I love, a tolerable 
partner and a wonderful son.
Only you can decide what to do, but the one piece of advice I will give is that your husband sounds horrible and you need to leave him, regardless of what you decide to do in relation to your pregnancy.
gosh what a sad and difficult situation!
If you want the baby then you have the baby, he has no right to demand it or to try to bully you into it or to try and make you feel so insecure that you don't think you can cope with a baby.
it seems to me that if he won't talk with you reasonably about this and he will only be obstructive then you have to prepare yourself for the point where you have to decide that its either him... or the baby. Sorry.
and also congratulations 
on being pregnant. 
oh fuck! 
and the kind soul who said congratulations 
Sorry...
Congratulations on your baby because at the moment, knowing you want to keep it is good enough and the most important thing.
How DH reacts to that I'm guessing will form much of the decision making about staying together.
But whatever you decide, remember that you and baby deserve a happy life. Will you get that with DH?
He sounds emotionally abusive :(
You are married to an abusive bully and maybe your friend is too if she thinks you being pissed off with him means you need ADs .
If you have this baby you will be tied to him forever and he will not stay with you for the baby. Chances are he will have left you before the baby is sleeping through. Some men freak out and are incredible dads when the baby arrives but they are generally decent blokes who are just a bit scared. Your husband is not a decent bloke.
I would be leaving him and thinking very carefully about the scenarios of having and not having the baby.
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