I have just found out that my dh of 15 years has been sleeping with a mutual friend, in our bed, with our 2 yr old dd downstairs. She has since moved and he swears they are no longer in touch (neither am I). He told me in the middle of a big row in which we were discussing splitting up. He began the row but, tbf, we have been having serious problems for years.
I am reeling at their betrayal ,especially because: I thought she was a friend; it was in my bed; my xchild was in the house at the time. He is deeply sorry, blah blah and now wants us to make a go of it. He accepts my need to deal with this affair before I can consider that.
The worst aspect is that she had a child and the dates mean that dh could be the father. she had told him she couldn't get pregnant - what a dick he is - she already had a child. Apparantly she has told him the child isn't his (she is married too) but I don't think we can be sure. I am the bread-winner. If he is, would I be liable to pay for this child - dh has no money of his own. I can't imagine her chasing us for money and there are also the moral implications of just 'leaving it'. it will hang over us forever. I could kill him.
I have worked so hard and this all happened at a time when I was exhausted, up each night with dd (bf) and working f/t in a stressful job. I have always considered him to be a great sahd (lots of activities, active, also doing majority of housework) and now this. How could they?
I have contacted her because I need to speak to her but she is refusing to see me. I need to. The reply she sent was so cold I can't believe she can speak to me like that. Dh has also asked her to see me and she has refused saying it's nothing to do with her. I am supposed to be seeing her dh tomorrow as he apparently knows more about it than I do and will be able to provide answers to my many questions. Dh, though not trying to stop me, believes it to be a bad idea as he thinks this man will try and punish dh by lying to me about stuff to make it look even worse than it is.
I just don't know what to do. Should I see the man? Can I make her see me?
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Relationships
SAHD has had an affair with our mutual friend
justfoundout2014 · 23/05/2014 19:56
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