I had a doctor's appointment today and iI feel that DH shows no interest.

[shadypines]

I hardly ever go to the doctor's but I developed some lumps under my skin on my tummy which worried me a bitand thought it felt weird so thought it best to go to doc. I've had it for a few weeks, DH has not asked to feel it or asked me how it is, today he's not asked me how I got on at the app.

"Why don't you just tell him anyway?" I hear you say. Well,no, why should I always have to come out with stuff without him showing any interest. This happens all the time by the way and on more than one occasion have got upset because he has not ask me how I am getting on with certain jobs I have been trying to organise on our house, I have volunteered lots of info on this but he asks me nothing. I basically feel that I am talking to the hand. I know men are generally thoughtless and forgetful ( aren't they?) but really, isn't this basic stuff, showing concern for each others health?

[mamato3luvleys]

I would just come out with it if it was me but that's just how I am. Then you could just stop taking any interest in him for a bit till he got the message, but they are funny creatures men are and you never know he might be scared of the outcome at doctors and not saying anything in the hope of it all being okay cos if it's not good news he might fall apart X

[shadypines]

That's the thing though, I have to 'just come out' with everything, I get sick of it, surely communication should be a bit more two way in a relationship withboth showing an interest? I'm not asking to be pinned against the wall with a spotlight the minute I get in the door, no, just the occasional interested question would nice.

Thanks for your kindness with your idea of why he might not have asked but I don't think that's the reason, I honestly don't think he's given it a second thought today

[FolkGirl]

Why would he have asked to feel it?! I wouldn't.

It would have been nice of him to ask how you'd got on but maybe he just thinks you'll tell him if you want him to know.

[FolkGirl]

Shady Yes, communication should be a two way thing, but some people just aren't like that.

I don't think there's anything you can do to change him.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Folkgirl I think that a really odd response. These aren't acquaintances on the bus, or work colleagues.

This is a husband and wife. And she has found something that has worried her enough to go to the doctors but he will wait to see if she mentions it? Really?

If this were my mother, sister, friend, aunt, SiL, or even fb friend that had been to the doctors about something that was worrying them, I would ask how they had got on. If they knew me well enough to tell me they were going, they know me well enough for me to ask!

Op, I would also find this very very hurtful. It's more than thoughtless. It's uncaring.

Fwiw I had a very routine blood test this morning. My DP texted ten minutes before the appointment to wish me luck and to tell me to ring him when I got out to tell him how it went. It's just what people who love each other do

[Jellybellymummyofsix]

My dp is exactly the same...we're separating!

seriously he would never ask after me. I'm done with being a mug - life's too bloody short!

[FolkGirl]

Bit Hmm, maybe. I suppose I haven't been in that position, but I didn't tell my exH if I was going to the doctor and I certainly wouldn't have expected him to ask to feel a lump. I wouldn't have wanted him to either!

But, yes the OP's husband should have known it would have been important to her and if he knew she was worried about it, probably should have asked.

[nottakingsides]

Our relationship is like FolkGirl's. I don't even tell DH when I am going to the doctor, it doesn't occur to me. I have blood tests taken twice a year and I'd find it odd to get good luck texts about it, it's very routine and no more interesting than a trip to the supermarket. I go to the GP quite frequently for repeat scripts, gynae issues, bloods etc so it's not a major thing for me at all. DH has been to the GP twice in the ten years we've been together though, so I'd probably ask after him if he went, as it would take something serious for him to be bothered to go.

[Jellybellymummyofsix]

The op rarely goes to the Dr so it would be reasonable for her dh to ask how the appointment went. its different if you go regularly.

I get where the ops coming from. My dp is exactly the same. He never asks about anything. Not about any ante natel appointments or scans nothing. when our ds was attending GOSH, he never even enquired.

I've had enough of it now & we're separating. It's the lack of concern or regard that really hurts...

[BitOutOfPractice]

It seems to me that there's a common theme on this thread. Apart from the MNer who goes for appointments very regularly, all of the posters whose partners never bother asking are ex partners now.

To not ask someone how they'd got on at an appointment that they'd made because they were worried about something is just so cold - or it seems so to me. I would be hurt. And the op is hurt, more to the point.

Hope you're ok op and the doc puts your mind at rest

[MumofWaif]

BitOutOfPractice has it on the nail.

[RedRoom]

I agree, OP: he hasn't simply forgotten to ask (forgetting every day, for several weeks? ), he's just disinterested. Even if my DH has a cold, I'd ask him from time to time if it is getting better. I think pretty much all of us would show concern if our partners had lumps, and we've seen from the other posters on here what happens to those men who don't show any interest in their familiy's health issues: they get dumped for being selfish, unsupportive fuckers, simply because such cold indifference is not acceptable behaviour in a marriage.

I can only go on what you say, of course, but it does seem that your worries and health issues just haven't registered as important to him.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I agree RedRoom - and I'd go as far as to say that the OP doesn't seem important to him. He's not interested in anything she does. This would really upset me.

I'd bet a tenner that he expects the OP to be fascinated with everything he does and says though

[noddyholder]

I go for endless appointments and Dp always asks how it went

[Chocotrekkie]

I forgot yesterday that my DH was going to the doctors - he had been talking moaning about the injury for ages and I said he should go but forgot he was.

Eating dinner he said "oh doc says its just xxx"

I said "oh sorry I forgot you were going today"
He said "that's ok - you've got a lot of other things to think about"
I said "glad doc said it isn't serious"
He said "do you fancy a cup of tea"

Should he leave me ??

[BitOutOfPractice]

If anyone is interested btw I have a big bruise on my arm from yesterday's blood test.

You may be sympathetic now. Form an orderly queue

[BitOutOfPractice]

Chocotrekkie that is so so different from what the OP described though isn't it?

She is upset and feeling unimportant and unloved by her DH. Cearly you have a very different relationship with your DH than she does with hers.

Clearly you think she's being silly. I don't

[RedRoom]

Yes, Chocotrekkie, that's not the same. You did talk to your husband about his injury (and I think that in itself is very different in nature to a lump because you know what caused it) and you asked as soon as you remembered. OPs husband has shown utter disinterest for weeks.

[Chocotrekkie]

Think we must have a very different relationship to a lot of people - have thought that a few times while on here.

We are both quite self contained - I went for an MRI scan a few years ago and the nurse was horrified I'd come on my own. Didnt occur to either of us he should have come with me.

Sorry op I didn't mean to upset you.

Hope doc gives you the all clear

[nottakingsides]

DH and I are like you, Chocotrekkie. Have been for MRI/ultrasound scans on my own as well, I wouldn't have considered taking anyone with me. I also just don't get anxious about medical results, DH can see that so doesn't feel the need to reassure me I think, and often I don't really bother telling him much unless anything is confirmed.

I don't think the OP is being silly but different people have different expectations about these things. Luckily for DH and I, our expectations match up even though it seems not to be the norm.

[shadypines]

thanks all so much for your kind answers and support and jellybelly it sounds so horrendous what you have had to endure, but if you feel so miserable and you get no support you must be doing the right thing as you say you feel like a single parent anyway.

I realise everyone has different expectations in their marriages but as I said stuff like this happens all too often and like another poster suggested I am expected to show interest in his health and other stuff.

After our evening meal I just came out with what the doc had to say and he said 'sorry I forgot to ask' which was good but I'm fed up with the repeating pattern of him not asking!

I think in future I will just not bother saying anything unless I am in a life threatening situation, it will save me a lot of stress.

There's a lot of things I'm not going to bother doing actually

[BitOutOfPractice]

Oh shady that sounds like a miserable way to live

[JonesRipley]

What would happen if you told him it bothers you? That something you'd like to change in your relationship is for him to remember to ask?

I think the measure of good communication is that reasonable requests are met with action.