A bit like Caroline Wozniaki

[kirsten123]

Hi everyone,

Don't know if you've seen in the papers about that tennis player Caroline Wozniaki. She and Rory McIlroy got engaged at New Year but he called if off when the invites were sent out this week as "he realised he wasn't ready for all marriage entails". Ie their relationship as well as their engagement is off.

Anyhow, this is similar in some ways to my story:
I started online dating and "met" C (age 35) in January 2013. (At this time I was 29years old and living and working in my home town of Edinburgh). He swept me off my feet, declared undying love etc etc and we got engaged (with a big diamond!) in Rome in the April. (He having charmed my parents also). He said he wanted us to get married before the end of the year. he couldn't bear not being with me 7 days a week and as he was much higher earner than me, I resigned from work and rented my flat out to some friends of mine. I moved to his house in London. (I should say I was pretty fed up with work and looking for a change anyway).

Literally within days he went funny. The loving gestures stopped, he worked long hours and I hardly saw him. I spoke to him about it and he said his skin was playing up or he was stressed cos of work etc, etc. I went on like this for a year hoping time would sort things out. I got a good job myself and things were ok for a while. We'd have great conversations and lots of laughter.

But then 5 weeks ago, I challenged him that we had now been "engaged" for a year with nothing happening. He said that he thinks he is too selfish to be in a relationship, he likes the freedom (not sexually - he's only had 3 other partners), he maybe wants to live abroad...

The upshot was that I moved out. Since then, we've been in touch by text. We've said we both still love each other and have been struggling. He wants to "date" but be under "no obligation". I've said this is unacceptable and I don't want to be demoted from "fiancé" to "girl I'm seeing" (sex would be off the table for the meantime I've decided!)

I can't decide between trying to give it more time whilst we live apart and deciding he's insulted me and kicking him to the kerb!

All thoughts welcome and no offence taken! :-)
Thanks in advance.
And no, I don't have children (yet). Hope that doesn't disqualify me from advice!

[rubyslippers]

Ditch him without hesitation

I had similar experience - swept off feet, moved in very quickly all went tits up within months

Listen to what he is telling you - he doesn't want to marry you

I'm sorry but dont pursue this - be happy on your own and that you are free of him

[AMumInScotland]

Walk away. Or run... Seriously, he has shown you exactly how it's going to be. And you, luckily, are robust enough to point out that you're not happy with this and move out. Good for you!

[yorkierocks123]

sorry yes if he doesn't see the value in being with you then I am sure there are plenty of other men who will!!!!

[RonaldMcDonald]

he sounds dangerous
this behaviour is not that you would like to be associated with longterm

[ohldoneedtogetagrip]

Run like the wind..don't look back

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Full on, chase, can't live without you, this is all bluff to get you hooked in. Now he has you, vulnerable and with no job, not a challenge, no fun, he doesn't want you anymore. It's sociopathic. Just cut and run!

[Velocirapture]

Move on. You can do so much better..

[meditrina]

Rapid declarations and romantic gestures are heady stuff, and can be very enjoyable in the hyper-excitement of early lust. But they are also red flags if they lead to big upheavals - such as moving house, leaving jobs etc - for someone you barely know.

And in your case, I think it was a justified red flag. As soon as he'd got you dependent, he changed. You've been in an unsatisfactory limbo since.

He isn't the man you hoped he was. That can be horrible to come to terms with. But I think this is an opportunity for you to get away.

[RyvitaLoca]

You've no choice but to move on.

I was thinking today that that Holly Sweeney if anybody remembers her, she is the second woman that Rory has 'humilated' and I think Holly must feel she has dodged a bullet. So em dodge the bullet!

[MimiSunshine]

He's telling you loud and clear. He doesn't want to marry you, he doesn't want a serious future with you.
It might be different if the wedding was booked immediately after the engagement and he was asking for a postponement in order for you guys to settle in to living together first.

But he's not. Don't do the typical thing of ignoring what he's saying aNd hoping for the change if mind "because he hasn't cut all contact so there's hope" there isn't.

Walk away, sell the ring and don't look back. He'll probably come running after you, but what will have changed?

[Trooperslane]

What Mimu said.

Have a few and and some

It's rubbish but good you know now xxx

[Chrysanthemum5]

Be glad you have options and leave now. My ex-H was exactly like this and he destroyed my confidence to the point where I married him because I honestly felt I was so awful no one else would be able to stand me.

It's a big red flag and I wish I'd had someone to talk to at the time I wouldn't have spent 7 years with him.

[LizzieBelle]

Red flag alert! Kirsten123 try to see the wood for the trees. He wants you hanging on a thread, waiting for a crumb of hope...move on, don't look back, take the lucky escape

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Hopefully you can part now and draw a line and not look back. In time he'll still be wavering unsure and half hoping for god knows who to cross his path and by then you will have found someone else.

[Springheeled]

This is a sad story and you sound very well sorted to have cut the crap here. His loss.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

Ryvita I thought that, too.