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I'm a 36 year old mother of two and my mum just made me cry. Again.

(30 Posts)
OnTheRunButReallyRatherSlowly Wed 14-May-14 09:36:24

DH is away this week so my mother is staying to make me feel like shit 'help out'.

So far this morning I have been criticised because:

I haven't organised giving away ds2's outgrown baby clothes.
I haven't got in touch with the friend who loaned me her maternity clothes to give them back (friend is in no hurry as isn't planning another baby just yet).
I wouldn't let ds1 (2yo) have raisins before breakfast.
Ds2 (11wks) was crying in the night (he has a cold), and cried while I was making breakfast (whilst in the sling).
I haven't emptied the upstairs bins.
The nappies got left on the washing line overnight.

Apparently I am lazy and I procrastinate. She has been telling me I am lazy and that I procrastinate all my life, and I believed her for a very long time. It's only very recently I realised that's it's NOT FUCKING TRUE!!!

I have two very small children. I look after them mostly on my own as DH works long hours (I'm not criticising him, he definitely does his share and more when he's home). I keep the house in some vague kind of order, and make sure everyone has food to eat and clean(ish) clothes to wear. I'm no domestic goddess and my organisational skills leave a lot to be desired, but on the whole I think I do a reasonable job. I am also in the early stages of setting up a business so I can work from home when my maternity leave ends.

I have 16 hours a week when ds1 is with a childminder, for four hours of this time I am working as a volunteer breastfeeding supporter, which leaves me about 12 hours a week when I am 'only' looking after the baby and can get things done. I am furious. I want to scream and shout at her that I am NOT lazy, I am NOT ignoring jobs that need to be done because I can't be bothered. I am prioritising time with my children, getting by day-to-day and trying to work out how to help support my family financially.

This is not a one-off, or something that has only come up recently, she has been telling me the same things about myself for as long as I can remember and I don't think I have ever really challenged her - mostly because for a very long time I believed her.

Sorry for the rant. I can't scream and shout in rl because the children are here. Just needed to get some of this off my chest.

oldgrandmama Wed 14-May-14 11:37:21

Dearest OP, speaking as a grandmother, mother and mother-in-law, I think you sound BLOODY MARVELLOUS! You're doing a wonderful job, your kids and husband are so lucky to have you and your mother is an unpleasant, critical old harpy. She should be SO proud of you - I'd be . Tell her to bugger off.

ShoeWhore Wed 14-May-14 11:44:52

You probably can't change her behaviour but you can control the way you react to it.

This is spot on. The good thing is that if you change your behaviour in the right way then she may actually cut down/stop the nasty comments.

I decided a while ago that actually it was easier to manage on my own when dh is away. My dm isn't critical like yours is but I just found it exhausting cooking for them etc as well as looking after the children.

Rochiana54 Wed 14-May-14 11:48:09

Sorry that you are so upset.

I could have written this post myself. sad

Some mothers just cannot accept that their daughters are now women. Do they feel redundant as now you need them less or in some cases not at all?

My mother makes comments on my child rearing, I cook too late, I spoil my youngest dc, spend too much time on my phone!

I am happier when she is not around although I care about her and her well being.

She makes me feel anxious and doubt myself. I feel like a teenager trying to prove that I am responsible in my own home.

PaulinesPen Wed 14-May-14 11:50:32

You are doing great and you would manage just fine without her there.

TorchesTorches Wed 14-May-14 12:45:49

Sorry you are going through this. I had my parents over for 3 days to help once when my husband was working away for a week. My children were 9 months and 2.5. My parents were terrible! No help and a massive overhead, ie not clearing their mess away etc. my mum even tried to get me to make my dad a coffee after i spent 3 hours cleaning up after sick children and had had 2 hours sleep! It was vastly vastly easier without their "help". So next time he is away i an doing it all myself....much better and i advise the same thing to you!

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