Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am I a huge fool??

(70 Posts)
yellowrose2728 Sun 11-May-14 23:59:51

This is so fucking hard to admit, but, inspired by another thread here goes.....

P and I have been together almost 2 years. I have 2 ds he has 1 dd and we have a 3 month old between us. All kids adore each other.

We both came from v v poor relationships, dv on my side and years of arguing on his (no love lost between him and xw confirmed both sides) so our relationship has suffered, with us rowing, maybe because of our pasts where it became normality.

A couple of weeks ago we had a row, nothing more than normal....I walked into the bedroom to finish off my point (as he had walked away) and he pushed me out. ( to put this into perspective I am.5"6 and he is 6"5 and weighs 4 stone more) he pushed me with such a force I flew out and bashed my head which knocked me out for 30+ mins, in which time he panicked and called an ambulance. I came too at hospital to find him sobbing at my bedside...begging for forgiveness etc. He admitted all his faults and told me he would be different, yet said "it's not like i punched you, just a terrible accident"

Why am I still here? Does he deserve a chance or should I just walk??? sad sad sad sad

To my RL friends please understand this is not to be repeated and not mentioned sad

BuzzardBird Mon 12-May-14 00:01:36

Think you know the answer

Madlizzy Mon 12-May-14 00:04:51

walk, before he really hurts you. He could have killed you and if you stay with him, that just might happen. I'm not being overdramatic here either.

justmuddlingalong Mon 12-May-14 00:05:05

If this happened to a friend of yours, what would you say to her?

yellowrose2728 Mon 12-May-14 00:10:04

I would tell her to run a mile!!

BUT what if he is right....what IF it was just an accident and i lost my footing? He has a temper but never touched me before. I would be splitting up a whole family.

God, I have to leave don't I? sad sad

gamerchick Mon 12-May-14 00:11:02

His actions caused quite a serious head injury and you're asking?

Howay man lass.. you have kids to think about sad

HeartHotWaterBottle Mon 12-May-14 00:11:54

It usually escalates.

Have the police been involved? Were the hospital given the full story?

yellowrose2728 Mon 12-May-14 00:13:54

He told the paramedics that he was downstairs and all of a sudden heard a bang....Therefore I must have passed out. I stuck by that story sad sad sad

justmuddlingalong Mon 12-May-14 00:13:59

he pushed me with such a force I flew out and bashed my head which knocked me out for 30+ mins, OP that doesn't sound like 'just an accident'.

Percephone Mon 12-May-14 00:14:02

He pushed you. You didn't slip. There was no 'accident' about it. You've not even been together 2 years, don't wait around to find out what else he is capable of.

wrapsuperstar Mon 12-May-14 00:14:09

Seems like you've gone from one DV relationship to another. sad

Did the doctors/paramedics treating you understand how you were injured? By an enormous bloke shoving you with such force that you were knocked out cold? If so, I would be surprised if the police weren't already involved.

Leave. Please. Before the next hospital stay is even more serious.

justmuddlingalong Mon 12-May-14 00:14:40

And you covering up for him sounds like a very slippery slope.

wrapsuperstar Mon 12-May-14 00:15:09

X-posted. If he was really sorry and shocked he wouldn't have lied. Even while you were lying there unconscious, in god knows what state, self-preservation was his first instinct. LEAVE.

yellowrose2728 Mon 12-May-14 00:18:03

I didn't 'slip' I know that..but I hit my head. Maybe it wasn't meant but I'm a fool to stay.

How the hell do I tell the kids??? sad sad sad sad

BindiBach Mon 12-May-14 00:18:07

What do you think yourself OP.?

justmuddlingalong Mon 12-May-14 00:20:31

Ok, you hit your head, I get that bit. But would you have hit your head if he hadn't pushed you.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Mon 12-May-14 00:20:54

Better question: How the hell do you tell the kids when it happens again in front of them? Or if he does something to them?

And don't say he'd never do that. I thought that too... until STBXH hurt our 3yo.

yellowrose2728 Mon 12-May-14 00:24:09

Part of me says, if I hadn't gone into the bedroom and carried on the row it wouldn't have I do blame myself in some respects.

He does raise his voice in front of the kids but he's never hurt me before.

Botanicbaby Mon 12-May-14 00:26:41

"A couple of weeks ago we had a row, nothing more than normal."

you've not even been together two years yet it sounds like rows are the usual thing. you say your relationship is suffering due to what you both went through before but I wonder if your current relationship ever was okay. did you both get together quite quickly after your previous bad relationships?

Is he now saying it was an accident because you lost your footing? So nothing to do with the fact he pushed you? I'm sorry but if someone can push you with such force that you are knocked out for 30 mins and hospitalised, then its definitely over. Or it should be.

He doesn't sound like he's ready for a relationship, neither do you. I mean that in the kindest of ways given what you say about past relationships.

Him admitting all his faults, saying things will be different and you haven't even been together that long is just such bad news. He doesn't deserve another chance.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Mon 12-May-14 00:28:19

No. Do NOT blame yourself. You think that it's reasonable for him to push you like that simply because you followed him into the bedroom? Absolutely not.

What if one of the kids heard the argument and heard you hit the wall/floor and are too scared to tell you? What if one of them had been out in the hallway and got hurt as well? What if one of the kids had walked into the bedroom instead of you, to see what the arguing was about? Would he have pushed them?

Would your reaction be different if he'd have pushed one of the children that way?? I'll bet it would be. And your reaction should be the same. It's just as appalling that he pushed you - it's ABUSE. He had no right to put his hands on you. At. All.

justmuddlingalong Mon 12-May-14 00:29:01

...and if he hadn't pushed you you wouldn't have been knocked out and taken to hospital. I don't think having a row in any way warrants any physical abuse. Only you know if you are going to put up with this, but I fear the DV in your previous marriage is clouding your judgement.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Mon 12-May-14 00:31:25

OP think about this.... because this is very important....

Did you notice.... that even though you were injured, knocked completely out.... He put aside his concern for you to stop and work out a lie and tell that LIE to the paramedics about how it happened. How calculating is that? He didn't take responsibility for his part in it at all. He lied.

And now he is gaslighting you by re-writing what happened, possibly playing on your confusion after having a head injury.

yellowrose2728 Mon 12-May-14 00:33:23

My ds's and his dd weren't here so no one saw it.

My past has been a cycle of dv and maybe clouding my judgement because it was "an accident".

Im such a weak person aren't I?? sad sad sad sad sad

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Mon 12-May-14 00:34:35

My ds's and his dd weren't here so no one saw it.

Can you guarantee that the next time it happens?

It wasn't an accident. He pushed you, you fell. That is not an accident.

HeartHotWaterBottle Mon 12-May-14 00:36:24

No yellow, it takes time to recover from abuse. Have you ever done anything like the freedom programme?

A man of his size should not be shoving the mother of his child. Hope you have a nice hot drink and can relax a bit tonight.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now