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boyfriend goes downstairs to chat with mates and leaves me alone in bed

(18 Posts)
bvbmcr Sun 11-May-14 13:13:20

My boyfriend of 3yrs (we're both late forties) has on several occasions goes downstairs after or sometimed before sex and if lodgers are in with other mates , leaves me on my own. We had a real go at him yhe other night. We'd had a lovely evening in his self contained bedroom and it wad late 3.15am and i started to fall asleep. He said he was going downstairs to get something to eat. I dozed off for an hour, he's still not back. Dozed off again. Woke up at 6 am, he's still downstairs with them. It really upsets me as I feel abandoned and really think he should be with me in bed. After all its supposed to be our eve and we don't get the opportunity to spend the nights together often as we don't live together. Am I wrong to feel thid way

Fairenuff Sun 11-May-14 13:18:32

You need him to be with you whilst you sleep? I think that's asking too much. I'm not sure why he wants to stay up all night but surely he can do that if he doesn't have to go to work the next day, or look after children.

MyFabulousBoys Sun 11-May-14 13:24:11

But you are asleep. Why does he have to prove his love by lying next to you whilst you are unconscious?

Weird behaviour but not a judgement on your relationship surely?

ShevelKnievel Sun 11-May-14 13:26:22

Does he do drugs? I can't imagine why anyone would stay up all night if no drugs were involved

teaandthorazine Sun 11-May-14 13:27:01

How often does he do this? If it was every time I'd be pissed off, I think, but if it's just once in a while to catch up with his mates then, no, it wouldn't bother me.

What have you said to him about it, and what has he said?

Caucasus Sun 11-May-14 13:30:47

Hi, I know the other posters weren't very sympathetic to you, but an ex did this to me and it upset me too, so I totally understand how you feel. He would leave immediately, or shortly after sex (to get a glass of water or something) and then chat with friends for hours. I wouldn't particularly want to go into a room full of men (some of who I didn't know that well) immediately after having sex, and would feel a bit alone and stupid just sat in his room waiting for him. So yes, I've been in your situation and I think you are justified how you feel. If it's a one off, it's probably ok, but if he does it regularly I think he's being disrespectful, and possibly a bit emotionally distant.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 11-May-14 13:33:33

They're all up doing coke. I wouldn't want to play second fiddle to a pile of white powder. You can do as you wish.

teaandthorazine Sun 11-May-14 13:34:18

Whilst I don't agree that you have to be on drugs to stay up all night hmm, I do think it sounds rather more like the kind of thing youwould do in a shared house in your twenties...maybe not in your late forties...

If he stays at yours does he get up and eat/watch telly/etc in the middle of the night?

MuttonCadet Sun 11-May-14 13:35:21

People in their late 40's staying up until 6am? I haven't done that since I was a student - sounds dodgy to me.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 11-May-14 13:57:11

Sounds like the lodgers might be a great deal younger than the OP's boyfriend. Staying up all night "chatting" to pals is stuff students do, not mature blokes in their late forties.

Deathraystare Sun 11-May-14 14:13:36

Well he had what he wanted and then went off to chat to his mates.
I think it is his way of advertising that he had sex, sadly. If he stayed in the bedroom, well they may think he was sleeping???? Look at the big man, had sex and did not fall asleep afterwards, but has time and energy for this mates??? He needs to grow up though!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 11-May-14 14:22:23

Sounds damned rude to me..... hmm 'I've had a better offer' sort of thing.

Fairenuff Sun 11-May-14 14:31:02

We'd had a lovely evening in his self contained bedroom and it wad late 3.15am and i started to fall asleep. He said he was going downstairs to get something to eat. I dozed off for an hour, he's still not back. Dozed off again. Woke up at 6 am, he's still downstairs with them.

See, on face value I can't see what he is doing wrong here. You had a lovely evening and then started to fall asleep. He wasn't tired but felt hungry. Once he was downstairs, he chatted with others that were still up.

Personally I wouldn't want to stay up all night like that but if you were sleeping and he wasn't tired, what's wrong with that? Do you expect him to sit next to you in silence whilst you sleep?

BackforGood Sun 11-May-14 14:34:03

Exactly what fairenuff said.
Maybe there is more to this?
Are people really able to stay up all night for no reason then function at work the next day?

sonjadog Sun 11-May-14 14:46:31

Could you compromise and say that he has to wait until you are alseep before going downstairs? I can see that if he is off as soon as you are finished having sex it is a bit off, but making him stay when you are asleep seems a bit over the top to me.

I think it also depends on how often he does this. Is it every time or occasionally?

Hiawatha44 Sun 11-May-14 15:15:27

I'll.often leave my husband in bed to go watch carp on tv or play around on the net and when we lived in a shared house I would talk to the other people in the house. This is cause of my insomnia nothing to do with not wanting to be with him more to do with not wanting to wake him up.

Could your other half be the same he can't get to sleep and doesn't want to keep you awake but ends up talking to his mates without realising how much time has passed.

Tinks42 Sun 11-May-14 15:33:05

Why do you stay at his? Can't he stay at yours?

lottiegarbanzo Sun 11-May-14 15:38:00

Did you have plans or hopes for the next day? Did he sleep, grump through or abandon them?

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