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Being DRY

(993 Posts)
Bigglesfliesundone Sun 11-May-14 09:39:22

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

smile

Come and have a coffee!

Bigglesfliesundone Thu 22-May-14 15:19:33

It's an amazing achievement Skippy. I felt so incredibly proud after two weeks. You can do this grin

nochips01 Fri 23-May-14 07:16:15

Yay skippy! That is fantastic. I agree, when you first get some decent time under your belt it is the most amazing thing to realise you can do it.

I'm Back. smile I have given myself a kick in the bum. I am going forth positively. Today I pledge;

1. To be present and engaged with my family.
2. To get off MN as soon as i type this, and focus on what I need to do- with housework. With work work. With my family.
3. To eat healthy meals filled with nutrients.
4. To remind myself that actually I am okay.
5. To nip any negative thoughts in the bud by counteracting them with 5 positive thoughts.... no matter how silly they seem.

I have my next talisman planned for my 100 days. A charm for my bracelet that I will engrave with the words 'Courage' and 'Faith'. Eventually I shall be a walking Christmas tree filled with talisman baubles. grin

Happy sober days everyone..... will check in tonight after I have powered through my day. Happy Bank Holiday!

nochips01 Fri 23-May-14 21:54:27

Hello lovely ladies. Hope you are all well, happy and having a great Friday evening.

MistressofPemberley Fri 23-May-14 23:38:51

Hello chips, hope you're tucked up in bed now.

I'm just back from a date with DH. We went to a lovely Belgian restaurant. It was SO hard at first seeing all the beautiful beers they have, but I quickly got over it and stuffed my face with mussels and chips, then waffles and ice cream. Seeing lots of very drunk students tottering past our window reinforced just how lovely it is not to get in that sort of mess any more. Especially as a thirty something mother of two.

Right, I am so full that I need to sleep. Goodnight smile

nochips01 Sat 24-May-14 09:39:46

Good morning! Mistress Your date night sounds lovely. smile DH and I are out tonight also- first time since January! I know it will be hard, but I am focusing on how nice it will be to not make a sheepish call to the sitter Sunday morning to ask if I remembered to pay her.

MistressofPemberley Sat 24-May-14 21:13:20

Chips earlier in the year DH and I came home so drunk that we both went upstairs and forgot to pay our babysitter. I heard a little voice after god knows how long calling up the stairs saying "ok, I'll go now". Utterly mortifying.

Hope you're having a lovely night.

Lucy2610 Sat 24-May-14 21:17:55

Hello all
Newbie here smile I've been a member of Mumsnet since just before Christmas and have only just discovered this supportive corner thanks to a blog post by After Alcohol (http://afteralcohol.wordpress.com/). I've been sober just over 8 months and am happy to have found you!
Hoping to chime in from time to time and looking forward to getting to know you.
Lou

merce Sat 24-May-14 22:02:45

Welcome, Lou! Good to have you with us and look forward to hearing more about you and your story. Congratulations on your 8 months too - that's good time under your belt. Presuming life has changed quite a bit since you got sober?

And Mistress/Chips - on the subject of babysitters and humiliating situations, I had to be helped home by one of our regular sitters (about half my age) who I bumped into in the street as I was staggering home one night. She was lovely, but what the Hell must she have thought of me - a middle aged woman in that sort of pathetic state. Dear God, the shame. Had forgotten about that…..

Lucy2610 Sat 24-May-14 22:23:22

Hi Merce Thank you smile Life is very different to 8 months ago. Still struggle from time to time when the stress levels crescendo but most of the time I don't miss it. Tonight is a case in point. It is my DS's 8th bday and he has two friends for a sleep-over. Before I would have been resentful as I knew I shouldn't drink in case something happened but would have wanted to and probably would have drank. The internal battle is just removed and it is so much simpler and no hangover tomorrow. Joy!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Sun 25-May-14 03:03:09

Hi Lucy, that's me! Welcome to here.

nochips01 Sun 25-May-14 07:48:55

Hi everyone, welcome lou! 8 months!!!! [waves] to tortoise am loving your blog. smile

Hope you all had a nice evening. I was fine.I was very jumpy and jittery for the first half hour or so and everything DH did or said annoyed me. Then I kind of relaxed, got over the no alcohol thing and had a nice evening. We went to a bar afterwards that does cocktails and they had an interesting mocktail with fresh ginger, chilli, apple juice and ginger beer. I can certainly recreate that at home, refreshing, feels an 'adult' drink. I am going to experiment. Home early, about 10, and in bed soon after all ready for DS's night terrors to waken me at 2 am.

And, actually had a good chat with the sitter when we got home.

My embarrassing sitter stories....... a few months ago I got a call from her saying 'OMG, I am so so so sorry'. I was bemused and asked her what she was sorry for, Apparently we had arranged she would sit the night before and she had forgotten. Well, I had forgotten the entire coversation, and had no idea at all we had talked about it. blush

merce Sun 25-May-14 09:54:12

Lou - sounds like you sobered up almost exactly the same time as me (relative to your DS's age). I have been sober 2 years and 4 months, but DS was 7 - so his 8th birthday was my first without a drink. SO agree with you about the joy of removing that endless, endless internal battle .Just exhausting - and found myself on the losing side pretty much every time….

So glad dinner worked out ok in the end, Nochips. That mocktail sounds rather nice. Agree it is tricky finding drinks that feel sufficiently 'adult'. I am going to stockpile some San Bitters next time I pass a Carluccios, but otherwise tend to just rely on tonic water with fresh lime juice. Does get a bit boring - may give your one a try!

Off to a point to point with the kids in a bit - thank God it's not pouring!

Happy AF day all. Here's to a day of mothering without shame!!

MistressofPemberley Sun 25-May-14 19:13:22

Evening all. Piping up again for a rant. Never have I been more glad to be sober. DH had a few beers today as we were out for lunch; he carried on when we got home. He whips DS into a frenzy, playing (which he rarely does) which turns into rough and tumble and inevitably tears when DS gets hurt. Poor DS gets into a right state and doesn't really understand when the attention and 'fun' turns to snoring on the sofa in a split second. I can't challenge him either as he gets stupidly defensive and even more annoying. Grrr! At least my DC have one responsible parent now.

Sorry. I've just started to really hate drunkeness. What a hypocrite!

Hope you're having good weekends all round.

guggenheim Sun 25-May-14 21:32:13

Hi,

Have just managed my first sober day in quite some time. I have lapsed after a stretch of sobriety but want to get sober again.

I'm feeling pretty rubbish right now and will continue to do so until I've had a few sober days.Apologies for not engaging in any conversation and being a bit needy!

I need to make some changes in my understanding of sobriety if I want to stay sober for longer. So if it's ok with you all I'd like to come back soon and talk about relapsing/ long term changes.

I'm very grateful that these support threads are here flowers. I'm going to bed with a recovery book now and hope my post doesn't look too arsey .Day 1 done.

nochips01 Mon 26-May-14 08:47:43

Hi Everyone.

Hi Mistress that sounds really annoying and frustrating. I don't blame you for being really pissed off with your DH. I hope everything is calmer now. thanks

Hi guggenheim I would love to hear your thoughts/ talk alot about relapsing and long term changes. I also find I need to really, think,read, be reflective, communicate about it. That kind of cements things for me internally.

I am so looking forward to the internal battle being removed.

I am fine. We were invited to a last minute BBQ last night. I drove and at first I felt wistful because everyone was drinking white wine, which is my favourite. But I was not able to drink due to driving, so I had to get on with it. In the end I felt quite calm and content. People got steadily more drunk and more drunk and although we left early even by then various couples were starting to get ratty with each other. It's something I ordinarily would never notice. (Not least because I would be ratty). It was not easy at first, but it is so true what everyone says- this morning I feel fabulous for not drinking. What I do not feel so good about though is that people kept asking me if I am pg. No, not. I am 2stone overweight though. So, I am going to use some of my not-drinking money to join (ahem - re-join) weightwatchers. It's time really for overhauling my life. Drink was the main thing. Now it's time to regain my overall health.

How is everyone doing? Hope you all have a great, sober, happy day.

Oh- am currently reading 'Beat the Booze' by the Tirbutts. I bought it a good 4 years ago and was frustrated by it - guess I was not ready. I have just started it and am enjoying it so far..... has anyone read it?

merce Mon 26-May-14 11:28:52

Hi Guggenheim. Don't worry at all about sounding needy - we are all here because we need support from each other, let's face it grin. I wonder if you made it back to your AA women's group? Obviously I don't really know much about you and your story, but if you are really struggling to stay sober maybe that would help? I find the discipline of going to meetings (even if I don't want to and have to just force myself to put one foot in front of the other) and look people in the eye - quite helpful. Actually VERY helpful. You know how they often say - 'keep it simple, just don't drink and go to meetings'? It can sound rather trite and annoying, but when I am wavering actually I find it useful. I NEVER feel like drinking when I am in a meeting/just after a meeting.

Anyway, this thread is bloody brilliant. Mistress - am totally with you. DPs being pissed deeply dull. But yes, painful irony there so I tend to try to button it rather than say anything. My DH tends not to get drunk, just slightly tipsy (in a NORMAL HEALTHY way) which is almost more irritating as that is what I would like to be like. Hey ho.

Nochips - have you ever looked at Myfitnesspal? I discovered it last year. Put on loads of weight over Christmas & NY as had done my knee in and couldn't do any exercise (not even walk, really). So not only sat on my arse, but was miserable about it so stuffed my face as (misplaced) comfort. Anyway, I started actually using MFP about 3 months ago and have lost quite a bit of weight. Just a thought if you hadn't come across it. NOTHING worse than people suspecting you of being pg if you aren't drinking. My (ahem) advanced age means that I am pretty much beyond those suspicions…..

Bigglesfliesundone Mon 26-May-14 11:51:59

Hi all just wrote a long post and it disappeared! Arghhh. In a nutshell, all OK here! Leg has been diagnosed as iliotibial tract problem (by v handsome doc who got me on the couch and pushed my legs around grin).

Still not better but seems OK, half marathon on Sunday which I am terrified about...

Dd2 is having a summer party this after noon. We do this each year as her birthday is Xmas eve. Last year I drank about three bottles of rose and was a complete idiot sad. So pleased I will be in control today. 50 on Friday sad another day I am dreading.

Still hard, still feel a bit 'deprived' at times and totally relate to the hating dh drunk comments. My mum came over yesterday (back at home but still a pain...) And dh started drinking the minute she walked in. Really annoyed me, even though it's not excessive - he just gets so bloody dull and repetitive.. God, that was me (and worse!)

Sun trying tonshine here, tent up and games organised. Wish me luck! 8 screaming 8 year olds are on their way....

MistressofPemberley Mon 26-May-14 19:10:32

Hi Guggenheim, it's nice to have you back. Do you want to tell us a bit about what's been going on since you were last here? I know we all post in fits and starts and have spells of constant posting to empty the thoughts in our brains. Well, I know I do. So please, please offload anything to us. I find it so helpful to be in this together.

I'm ok. Why is it that bank holidays bring out the worst in marriages?! Or is that just me? I'm starting to find DH deeply irritating. All the stuff I could drown out with wine is there in full technicolor now. I'm sure he finds me just as annoying. Especially as I am a boring, sober, exercise-loving, weight-losing Puritan now. I second Myfitnesspal BTW. It's really helped me stay in control of eating and I've lost my baby weight thanks to it.

I'm desperate for more books for my kindle. I've done Lucy Rocca, Meredith Bell, Ice and a Slice, Dry, Allan Carr, Jason Vale, Liz Hemmingway and Rachel Black. What next? Any recommendations?

nochips01 Mon 26-May-14 19:21:33

Mistress i really really really recommend this one;

Drink- the Intimate relationship between women and alcohol.

www.amazon.co.uk/Drink-Intimate-Relationship-Between-Alcohol/dp/0007503563

www.anndowsettjohnston.com/books.html

I think this book will turn out to be the game changer for me. The one that really made me think differently about alcohol.

MistressofPemberley Mon 26-May-14 19:38:48

Just found this, from one of my first posts 12 weeks ago.

I hate myself. I know I'll feel really depressed until about Saturday when the fog will start to lift. Alcohol is so bad for me. But I'm so scared that I'm going to miss out without it. Can't envision holidays, hen dos that I've got coming up without it.

It makes me so sad to read it. I've come so far, and when I'm wobbly, I find old posts to remind me where the 'just one' path leads.

And, for any lurkers out there thinking about stopping, the others were right. The holiday and the hen do have been and gone and I had a fantastic time at both. There is nothing to miss at all when you stop drinking, only hangovers and regrets.

nochips01 Mon 26-May-14 19:51:15

Biggles commiserations about your leg... did the handsome doctor recommend rest? (At least after your half marathon!)

How was your DD's party?

Bigglesfliesundone Mon 26-May-14 22:10:58

Handsome doctor (after telling me I had great hips blush) e mailed me some exercises which I have been doing. I managed 9k on Friday but rwllu struggled to do even 2 yesterday so still wonder what on earth is going on sad oh well, I have decided that I will do several very short runs this week and if I have to walk half the half at least I will get it over with grin am going to run for pleasure after this!

Party was lovely. All the little girls were gorgeous and fun and plays beautifully. How hood it was to be sober too. As has been said on here before, they don't need alcohol to have this natural happiness.

I hope everyone is OK.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Tue 27-May-14 00:41:10

MistressP: Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A Love Story is very good. Otherwise, if you like memoirs (rather than self-help books), I also very, very highly recommended Jowita Brydlowska's Drunk Mom - it's up there with Dry for good writing.

Guggenheim, glad to see you again. Well done on Day One - Day Ones get harder and harder, so you've done great to get back to here.

I'm FINALLY on MFP and back below my pre-sobriety weight after months of whining about cake-weight. It's so much easier to calorie count if you're not allotting yourself 500 calories of wine per night, who knew?

merce Tue 27-May-14 07:11:10

500 calories of wine a night? God I wish that was all I'd been knocking back…….

Morning all!

merce Tue 27-May-14 07:33:24

Oh - and Biggies - so glad the party went well. I always used to numb myself against that sort of thing - hordes of small children shrieking. Actually, it is fresh and innocent and enchanting seeing them have such fun and get so excited.

I often wonder why I felt the need to 'take the edges' off everything with booze. Not as if my life was/is so bad….. strange, really .I think for me it was a way of isolating (sorry - slight stream of consciousness here!). Am an only child and always really happy to have time to myself. Needless to say - not much of that with husband and 2 children. And getting smashed sort of took me to a different 'place' if that makes any sense at all.

Anyone have any hints on HOW THE HELL one is supposed to get any work done while kids at home all week for half-term???!!! The joys of freelance work……grin

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