Online dating. 2 dates, 3rd planned, contact stopped....

[heyho1919]

Having been doing online dating for over a year and meeting lots of people tthe majority of whom i've never wanted to see again, I finally met someone who i thought might be special. We've had 2 dates, he seemed very keen, arrnaged 3 third date and been daily contact mainy by text, a couple of calls too. He's not been on the dating site since ou second date. Last contact was a lovley conversation full of chat and laughs, talking about our upcoming date this weekend and he was full of ideas for thing we could do in the future. Since then no contact (he usually instigates). I sent a text early this evening and no reply - looks like he's changed his mind. Any thoughts?

[bragmatic]

Leave it.

Daily contact soulds a bit OTT this early on, anyway. Let things progress in person, rather than by text.

[bragmatic]

Sounds a bit OTT.....etc.

[rainbowfeet]

Yep, messer!!

Come across these.. & it's always the ones you quite like that aren't as keen back & the ones you might consider settling for don't leave you alone!!!

[Nunyabiz]

Very odd. Just for another point of view, my DH and i met online (8 years ago )
We started out like you chatting every day. I found it refreshing to see someone genuine and not 'playing the game' and so did he.
The whole 'well I'll wait till call calls' or 'I'll wait till she calls' so as not to look desperate thing... That's what fucks things up sometimes. Better off just saying hey what happened? This is where I stand, take it or leave it. If he leaves it well, he wasn't who you thought he was and you are better off moving along. Yours will come along, there's someone for everyone.

[kalidanger]

I guess after two dates he's decided he's not bothered. Which is fine. You can decide the same thing.

I'd have a good think about whether you actually give a shit, in a manner of speaking. Is he The One? Are you gutted, or just slightly offended he's lost interest? Put yourself on an even keel about it all :)

[melanie58]

It's just possible that his wife got wind of it?

[teaandthorazine]

Well, this does happen quite a lot online, unfortunately. Has he contacted you now?

Friday night though...maybe he's just out? You probably need to step back from it a bit, it sounds quite full-on already. Maybe look at it as 'oh well, we've only had two dates after all, not a big deal' rather than 'we've had two wonderful dates, why isn't he calling?'

[FloraSpreadableMacDonald]

Sometimes I dont reply to texts straight away. Im not one if those people who has a phone in their hand 24/7. Maybe he is similar. I would only get cincerned if a few days had lapsed. In that case just send a friendly "Hi hows your day been?" rather than a "I havent heard from you" text. If he replies...great! If not or hes quite evasive, then time to move on. It mught mean hes met someone else. Most online daters have more that one they are chatting too.
That said...i hope he has replied and you are busy enjoying your weekend together.

[akaWisey]

I'd match his investment - don't text him and make other plans as you didn't have firm arrangements for tonight anyway (or you haven't mentioned them in your OP). Then if he texts I'd say something like "Oh X when I didn't hear from you I thought something had come up so I'm doing X this evening. Free Sunday for brunch though if you like". Be nice about it but let him know you have a busy life of your own.

Good luck.

[daisychain01]

I wouldn't bother at all to be honest, if you feel he is unreliable at this early stage, it may not improve. Its better to move forward positively without him, rather than invest any more.

My DP and I met online, and we did do the daily contact thing, it didnt feel OTT to us, it was natural to chat away by text and email, we just enjoyed the contact. Also communication these days is so easy, if it feels good for both people to send a ping, then just go with the flow. I find all this dont text him until he texts you first etc can become a bit like playing games.

But if it gets to the point when someone makes a firm date, and then disappears, no contact even after they are sent a text, that definitely doesn't sound good

[akaWisey]

It's only playing games if the OP didn't make other arrangements, or if she did and then cancelled them to see him. At this stage she doesn't know if he's unreliable or not, he probably isn't giving it too much thought because he's got a life of his own too. She needs to increase her value in his perception. The only way to do that is to get on with her life but let him know she's interested in another meet. There's nothing to lose in that scenario for either of them.

[daisychain01]

Yes aka there is a lot to be said for getting on with your own life and keeping an air of independence.

So it looks like heyho has got to Friday night and still no contact from this bloke, so I suppose it depends on whether their date was agreed for Saturday or Sunday as to whether it feels like a Go or a No Go.

On second thoughts it were me, I would give him the benefit of the doubt on this occasion and see if he makes contact in good time before the date before completely writing him off. But if it becomes a pattern of behaviour in the future then probably better to walk away. No point in hanging around dangling by a thread.

[daisychain01]

And probably the best way might be that when a date is talked about, they firm up that they will meet on x date/time at x venue. If it all gets left a big vague and woolly, then it creates uncertainty, and its that uncertainty that makes doubts creep in, when they could be non-existent if everyone knows where they stand.

Ive had a few duff online dates and probably developed dating "bullshit antenae". you start to get to know the ones who are vague and not proactive and those who are genuinely interest.

[Roseflowers]

I'd say if he hasn't bothered being in touch maybe something/ someone else has come up. In my experience the whole texting every day thing isn't 'too much', all of the dating scenarios I've been in that have turned into relationships have been like that! I can definitely understand why you'd be annoyed, after two good dates and that level of contact you'll be riding on a wave of good feeling. Him suddenly dropping off the radar is bound to put a dampener on that. Any reply yet?