Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Just need to vent! feel so helpless!!!

(12 Posts)
newstartforme Sat 03-May-14 12:41:13

Just need a safe place to let all of this out. I hope for some constructive advice.
Background - left partner three months ago. He wasnt bothered about family life despite us having a dd aged 5. All his energies went on himself, his job, his hobby.. I was left with him sat on the sofa drinking every time he was in my company. No interest in doing up or anything to our house. Used his dominant size, and personality to take over the house. I had to sleep in spare room, I had to watch tv upstairs
Any way I left as he wouldnt - took dd and my older son with me (another relationship) I am in a small flat. Its ok. He is in our four bed detached house. I wanted to stay and I would have managed to pay the mortgage from my salary, tax credits and some savings i have- until house was sold or rented. But he was having none of it.. So the plan was he would stay in house till i was sold/rented.
For the past two months I have had to chip in wiith the mortgage despite me having my own rent to pay! I have done this as I could just about manage too.. He is not bothered about doing viewings or doing any of the little jobs that need doing to our house. He is just not helpingsad(
The final straws are him not giving me any money towards our daughter. And I have just found out he has not paid this months mortgage- despite me giving him some towards it. Oh and he has just been away for ten days abroad! smokes and drinks!!

What the hell I am going to do sad((

gamerchick Sat 03-May-14 12:46:40

Sounds like you need to speak to a solicitor or CAB at the least.

MargotThreadbetter Sat 03-May-14 12:54:12

And he sounds like a complete arse. Well done for getting rid.
Get legal advice ASAP - he could be jeopardising your chances of getting another mortgage by defaulting on this one. Also get the CSA onto him for child support.
He sounds like a delight hmm

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sat 03-May-14 12:55:44

Stop paying his mortgage confused
Get legal advice, research how to force a sale.

newstartforme Sat 03-May-14 12:56:49

I have spoken to a solicitor. She said to consider an order of sale. Thing is the house IS up for sale but noone wil buy or rent it as he is not keeping it nice.
He wont do viewings - i have to. He wont cut the grass!!
I have to work and do all my things and STILL drive over to do viewings.
I am crying with frustration! sad(

ForeskinHyena Sat 03-May-14 12:59:58

Can't the agents do viewings?

If you want to pay your half of the mortgage (don't see why you should as you're paying rent and getting no CM but I guess to keep onside with mortgage co it's a good idea) do you pay it directly, i.e. to the lender not to him?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 03-May-14 13:03:15

I think you need to force the pace, talk to the estate agent, put some pressure on them doing more of the work & getting a quick sale. As you are at risk of your credit score being ruined if he defaults on the mortgage payments I would also talk to your mortgage lender, explain the situation and see if they can put some pressure on him from that side. Definitely go back to the solicitor as well

newstartforme Sat 03-May-14 13:03:41

Its up for sale with hatched on line estate agents which dont do viewings.
Its up for rent with a different estate agents but i still have to drive over to let them in.
Who is going to want to buy or rent a house where the bloody bed sheets have not been changed since i left in feb!!
Ive been paying my bit to him but my god i will not be now!

newstartforme Sat 03-May-14 13:05:02

I feel sick sad((

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 03-May-14 13:56:40

As long as he's comfy on his own in that four-bed detatched house he's going to harder to shift than a case of boils. Where's his incentive?

In any case, an online estate-agent is not going to get that house sold. Get it on with a local agent who can take over any viewings.

Explain to him that either the property is sold on the open market and you both share a decent amount between you or it's repossessed and you'll get a lot less, if anything.

If he proves to be the immoveable object then you will have to force a sale but that costs court and a whole bunch of money.

If you can't pay your contribution towards the mortgage directly to the lender then stop bloody-well paying. I don't see why you should be paying anything if you're not getting any child-support from him. He should be paying you rent on the half of the house you own but don't/can't live in.

Tell him that if he doesn't co-operate with the sale you'll all move back in.

newstartforme Sat 03-May-14 23:43:13

BITTER I have already explained to him the situation re all this. He is angry that I left him and the reason I left him was he could not compromise. He's not had a personaity transplant so Im dealing with a difficult person.

I have not need to force a sale as it is already up for rent/sale on the open market. It does need a lot doing to it - new kitchen/bathroom but what is putting people off is the fact that he wont keep it nice. Clean sheets, dusting, clean windows, mopped floors, bleached toiets etc etc..

I have been doing my best to get there before hand to do all this but its hard when you work etc.

Then there are all the little diy jobs that he keeps saying he will do yet does not! Im just frustrated.

I will in future pay any contrubutions direct to the bank. As for us moving back in there is no chance that will happen whist he is living there.

Im on a sticky wicket and I know it. Was just venting and hoping I may hear of similar situations - pref ones that had resolved successfully.

Thanks for the replies smile

Walkacrossthesand Sun 04-May-14 00:54:40

What a nightmare. Would your STBX be obstructive to viewings e.g. refusing requests for viewings led by a local estate agent? If he's not bothering to clear up anyway then a local agent could have a key and arrange viewings without you or him being involved? Or what about an auction or 'sealed bid' sale - is there equity in the house to offset the drop in value he's causing by his pigginess (apologies to pigs BTW)...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now