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I need my hand holding

(23 Posts)
ballsballsballs Sat 03-May-14 10:48:33

I've posted about my H before. He is an alcoholic. I need help to get through the next few weeks and leave him.

I'm a second-year student, and all of my portfolio work is due in Wednesday.

Since I've started my portfolio DH's drinking (and associated crappy behaviour) has been accelerating. We've been in counselling but he can't say why he's doing it, apart from feeling like he's not getting much attention. hmm

On Thursday night, DH stayed up late to drink. I woke at 2am because he couldn't work out how to open the bedroom door, and realised he'd pissed the bed.

Yesterday I was really ill and tired and DH was very attentive, very apologetic. Said he'd sleep in the spare room so I could sleep well. Except... he got wasted and trashed the spare room. He fell over and smashed the desk trays that I'd put my completed work in. He eventually passed out in the bathroom. He swears blind he was sober, but stinks of it.

He's agreed to stay at his mums until I've handed the work in. However, he's still in bed and no sign of moving yet.

I've put up with a lot but I can't come back from this. I have no money and am terrified of what the future holds.

Busymumto3dc Sat 03-May-14 10:51:59

Goodness that sounds awful

If he shows no signs of going elsewhere is there anywhere you can go to do your work?

Does he ever sober up? If so would this be the best time to hurry him out? Could you call his parents and ask for their help?

herald Sat 03-May-14 10:54:14

Leave deserve a better life , there is always a way do you have any friends or family you can stay with in the short term. It will be hard but in the long run you will be so much happier without a selfish alcoholic.

something2say Sat 03-May-14 11:00:39

Is there any way you can stay elsewhere? To get things done till weds?

I agree with the others. It's ok to leave him and you're going to need to cut off from worrying about him and saving him. You'll go down too if you stay involved.

Good luck x

ballsballsballs Sat 03-May-14 11:01:10

I'm a student and have very little cash, and he owns the house. His mum is away at the moment (no dad) but he has her spare key.

I can't go anywhere else as I need all my books, PC and so on.

He's got a close friend who knows about the drinking, I think I'll call him.

borisgudanov Sat 03-May-14 11:05:21

In that case throw him out. Two counts of friminal damage might interest the police if he won't go.

Busymumto3dc Sat 03-May-14 11:15:08

Op do you have any dc?

ballsballsballs Sat 03-May-14 11:15:08

Is it criminal damage if it was an accident? He (as usual) doesn't remember anything.

ballsballsballs Sat 03-May-14 11:16:11

No DC busy.

I've asked uni for an extension but won't find out until Tuesday... and the portfolio is due Weds. I'm going to try and crack on in a bit and ignore him. He's snoring away FFS.

Busymumto3dc Sat 03-May-14 11:19:33

I would be tempted to have rubbed his face in the wet bed

ballsballsballs Sat 03-May-14 11:29:25

I was. He's cleaned it and all the bedding.

I've just texted his friend.

HellonHeels Sat 03-May-14 11:37:00

Sounds awful, I am so sorry sad

For all that he supposedly has no idea what he's doing when drunk, it does rather sound like he's sabotaging you. Please be extra careful with your work, back it all up, email yourself a copy, put things away safely.

You refer to your H - are you married? If so, the house does not belong to your husband, it is a joint asset. You need legal advice about splitting so you know what you are entitled to.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 03-May-14 11:49:08

This should be the point at which you say enough. If you are a student you have years ahead of you - don't get dragged down by DH who may well be hoping you give him his marching orders. If you are a mature student come to that the same applies.

Have seen your cat pic elsewhere (not stalking honestly) you and he need a safe tranquil home. I'm afraid if DH is only half - hearted about counselling he will only use it as a means of propagandising his self - justifications. For an alcoholic it's only ever His/Her Story and everything's about them. You know by now you're coming after booze in his list of priorities.

Good luck with your degree.

ConfusedPixie Sat 03-May-14 13:00:14

Oh balls thanks have you got a music player to just plug in to drown out the snoring for now? Or leave the house if there is any work that can be done without the books and pc?

Does your uni have accommodation for mature students? Dps does so it's worth asking.

Can you get to cab in Tuesday and find out if there is any help you can get to complete your third year? Or can your uni allow you to do the last year part time over two years or something so that you can work too? Not ideal though.

ballsballsballs Sat 03-May-14 13:20:14

H is going to his mother's later for a few days so I'll have some respite and feel a bit less panicky. I'm pretty good at producing to tight deadlines but will have to accept not-so-good grades this year.

After my exam on the 14th I'm going to get legal advice and find out about accomodation and so on.

Thank you everyone flowers I don't feel quite so alone.

bragmatic Sat 03-May-14 13:25:24

Hang in there, Balls. When you go, don't look back.

MABS Sat 03-May-14 14:26:22

Sweetie - am so sorry to read this, didn't want to ignore this, but am off out now. You know where I am if you need anything x

ballsballsballs Sat 03-May-14 18:04:48

He's back from his mother's because she's away and didn't leave the key where she normally does. He's still insisting he didn't drink last night. hmm

His friend is going to go with him to an AA meeting tomorrow.

Busymumto3dc Sat 03-May-14 18:09:07

Oh dear

How are you doing with your work?

ballsballsballs Sat 03-May-14 19:13:01

It's going very slowly. I'm still not very well and am going to call out of hours.


MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 03-May-14 19:21:17

Sorry I'm late to the thread, are you ok balls? You're welcome here if you want to get away. It's not quiet but we are all sober. Hugs x

Busymumto3dc Sat 03-May-14 19:31:13

Is he being helpful? Or at least staying out of your way?

ballsballsballs Sat 03-May-14 20:52:55

Thanks Gast.

He's being very quiet and has promised to stay out of my way when I study.

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