I've posted here a few times for advice over the months as I feel my relationship with dh is falling apart.
in my previous threads I've always said things were mostly ok but they haven't been and it's time to face the music.
things started going wrong from the beginning really. I was needy and had low self esteem. I had come out of an abusive relationship and he was there. he was safe and reliable and he didn't hurt me. it was all for the wrong reasons. but I did fall in love with him and we got engaged.
we suffered an mc and got through it and then had dd. in those first couple of years he was quite controlling with money and his job definitely came first (he has since admitted this).
after dd was born he was caught sexting another woman he met online. he lied to my face about it and I believed his lies. this was when dd was 8 weeks old. I discovered the truth a couple of months after that and tried to move on and forgive. he didn't support me with dd with night feeds etc but did start to step up when she was about 18m old and things improved dramatically. we got married when she was 2.
fast forward to when dd was 3 and we had ds. I was a sahm this whole time and it all started getting on top of me. I was very ill during pregnancy with ds and he was in and out of hospital for the first couple of months of his life. still his job was more important. he didnt take any time off to be there for me or his newborn son.
when ds was 15m old and health much improved we moved house. I decorated and scrubbed the whole house every day for four weeks while watching a toddler and doing a school run all on my own while he was working. again, no support.
when ds turned 2 I decided enough was enough and I got myself a job. this was only 6m ago. it has dramatically improved my life and my sense of worth. im more confident and outgoing and independent. now I feel like ive completely outgrown him.
he does have many good points. hes a brilliant dad and provides wonderfully for our family always doing little surprises for me etc. he idolises me.
in the last month or two things have got worse as ive realised there is no spark between us. I dont feel like im in this for the right reasons. I feel like ive put a face on for the past 6 years since the sexting trying to forgive amd forget and trying to be a family. now that mask is slipping. im on medication for anxiety and I feel so ill when im around him.
youll see from my past posts that there has been difficulties with him not trusting a male friend of mine and this was the catalyst in my realising that he was trying to control me and then I questioned every thing else.
sorry for the length of this its just nice to get it all down on paper so to speak.
its the end of the road isnt it?
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Relationships
time to be honest :-(
ALovelyBunch0fCoconuts · 03/05/2014 09:06
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