This is going to be long as I want to explain as much as I can.
Basically the year I arrived in the UK, I made friends with A. She had just arrived few months after me and I was supposed to give her training at work. We got on really well and became good friends.
I came to the UK in a bid to heal from my divorce. My xH who was very abusive, also a big time cheater and he left me for a 'friend' of ours.
I had no children and was still young, I needed a challenge blahblahblah to keep my mind occupied and carry on with my life.
It was probably too soon to be getting in new relationships but I started dating Q, also a work colleague, and was really into him. Everyone knew.
Specially A. I confided in her a lot.
Suddenly when I though everything was going great, Q went cold and decided to take time off and travel. He cut all contact with me whilst travelling and never replied to my emails. I was under the impression we were friends to say the least...we started our "relationship' as friends and he was the one who pursued me.
When he came back, him and A were together almost instantly. They never announced their commitment, but they were just closer and closer at work and you could smell and sense their chemistry. After while they were openly dating.
Obviously it hurt me a lot and for a while I was civil but kept my distance from them.
I then started going out with Dh. He was also a work colleague and I knew he was into me but I never gave him a chance as he didn't fit with my 'type'. But there came a time when I was so lonely and hurting, and he was there for me comforting and listening and treating me like the most important person in the world. And I felt I could trust him as I was having a hard time trusting people at that point. I gave him a chance and we started a relationship. I knew that Dh was more into me than I was into him. I was still confused with feelings for my xH and Q. I didn't know wether I want to stay in the UK or go back to my home country. I wasn't taking things so seriously...
Dh helped me enjoy myself again and get my confidence back. I became friends with A and Q again as a couple and we even became flat mates at one point. We also travelled together (although this was a big mistake).
There were few dramas in A and Q's relationship, I was always there supporting both (stupid emoticon). But I was happy with Dh and their relationship never bothered me anymore, they were just my friends.
Fast forward 8 years, A is no longer together with Q.
Q moved from the UK and we all lost contact with him.
A had a string of failed relationships but went on to become very successful in her career, whist I was sometimes a SAHM, sometimes a part timer and now self employed doing relatively well but not fulfilled. Dh is a lovely guy and a great father but he is quite laid back, has no formal qualifications and we scrape by. We have been through a lot of hardship.
Now the bit that I don't understand about myself are my feelings is the sudden envy and jealousy and 'anger' and 'unfairness' that I feel for A now a days.
A couple of years ago she met this guy who made her really happy. He is very nice, good looking, clever, high achiever and fun...(I have no feelings for him what so ever). He is the opposite of Dh and their relationship reminds me that Dh wasn't (isn't?) my type of guy...nor physically or even intellectually, although I appreciate many qualities in him.
A and her OH moved to a really nice place in a wonderful location, they had a beautiful baby, they are amazing parents. They buy or do anything on the click of their fingers (like going twice this year back to mine and A's home country, the travel that I saved for 6 years to be able to do, it is VERY expensive) just because they fancied it. Also travelling to another locations. Also buying lots of expensive goods all the time. They got engaged and she has a huge diamond ring, they are getting married, they are looking at more rings, dress, venue is sorted, there is going to be a big party, the whole shebang. And she still is a SAHM ffs.
Now, I am not envious of their money, although it would be nice not to have financial pressures, (I even struggled to feed myself when Dd was a breastfeeding baby and sometimes I couldn't afford a ice cream cone during the summer when she was a toddler), I think I am envious of the whole excitement and how easy she always had it when to me it was always been a massive struggle for everything.
I know it is childish and shallow, I feel awful, but it is hard to understand and deal with my feelings of being happy for her but envious at the same time...sometimes I even avoid her, just not to feel this way.
I just need to get this out. I have met her today.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I love my friends but I also feel angry and envious of her achievements...How to deal with my feelings?
Falconi · 02/05/2014 22:04
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