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Work Crush (again)

(17 Posts)
RubyBlueBubbles2 Fri 02-May-14 15:01:23

I know this is an old, old story and recent threads have been very useful- thanks.

I have a young DS and a partner, but I've developed a huge crush on a man I work with. We have become good friends: similar interests, shared sense of humour, attraction etc.

(He is divorced.)

It got so bad that I am actually leaving my job next week, partly because of it. I may well never see him again (that was the intention) but now I know this is a possibility, I am very torn up about it.

I know I can't/shouldn't see him any more, but I keep thinking, he might be the ONE. (Ridiculous, I know). I know I need to put more energy into my current relationship, which is pretty dead. But this guy gave me a sense of hope.

I know it's useless and hopeless, and it's best to go, but...he wants us to go on a 'goodbye' drink next week. Bad idea, huh?

Arrrrgh. Advice welcome. I just need to get over this. sad

duckandcover Fri 02-May-14 15:06:08

Please read my thread ' please read this if you are tempted to have an affair.' I love my OM but my world has been destroyed by it. Take care of yourself, as well as all the other protagonists.

RubyBlueBubbles2 Fri 02-May-14 15:06:27

I tried not seeing him; I actively avoid him. I try to stay professional. Didn't work and so leaving has been my only option.

RubyBlueBubbles2 Fri 02-May-14 15:07:31

Thanks duckandcover and I'm very sorry for your pain. I did read that thread and others and it's one of the reasons I decided to leave this job.

I don't want to add more pain in the world.

Take care. xx

duckandcover Fri 02-May-14 15:08:36

You sound strong, I am sure you'll do what's right for you. But for God's sake be single before you do anything.

RubyBlueBubbles2 Fri 02-May-14 15:09:48

Thanks. Yes, I totally agree with you.

Very hard though. But you are right.

IrianofWay Fri 02-May-14 15:11:37

Hi ruby, you are where I was 20 years ago. A mutual 'crush' that deepened until he announced out of the blue that he had left his gf and he would wait for me to get divorced. I left my job. I had never realised how far it had gone for him. Leaving was the best thing I could have done in the circumstances.

RubyBlueBubbles2 Fri 02-May-14 16:20:13

Sorry Irian. This is what I'm worried about: one of us is more invested than the other ( more than likely me) and so it would all go to shit anyway; for what?

I am by no means convinced he is THAT keen, anyway. How do you tell?

Although he has been extremely attentive now he knows I'm going.

duckandcover Fri 02-May-14 16:43:23

I believe you can tell when a potential OM cares by the way they stay the hell away from you and do not disrespect you enough to jump you when you're having trouble in your relationship. I'm sorry this sounds harsh - and it may well be that your potential OM will turn out to be much, much more - and if this is the case you'll know by how you stay in touch and if he's there as a friend if the shit hits the fan for your relationship.

Fairenuff Fri 02-May-14 16:48:23

he wants us to go on a 'goodbye' drink next week. Bad idea, huh?

You are leaving your job to get away from him, why would you go for a drink with him confused

Of course it's a bad idea. Tell him no and stay away from him.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 02-May-14 17:01:17

Please encourage him no longer. He is not The One. The One would be keen on you and ask you out - not act weird and then only hang around once it was made known you're leaving. This is a more than a bit dubious anyway since you say you already a DP.When were you planning to mention this to him? Why does he think you quit your job?

WildBill Fri 02-May-14 17:05:38

What leapt out at me was that you say your current relationship 'is pretty much dead' neither are you married.
I'm not suggesting you have an affair however if your feelings are that strong then go for a drink and see if it's mutual.
It is possible to meet a great love whilst in another relationship. You will need to be prepared to leave the one you are in however.
Talk to this man.

RubyBlueBubbles2 Fri 02-May-14 17:32:07

Thanks all. Don't disagree with anything here however hard it us to hear.

He knows I have a DP. He thinks I'm leaving g work for practical reasons- money, hours etc.- which is partly true.

I suspect I need to go the No Contact route, however hard.

But thanks, all views are welcome and I am listening.

Arsebadger Fri 02-May-14 19:14:58

Oh I would definitely go. Life's too short. See if there's attraction when the pressure is off
Seperate from that, your relationship doesn't sound too hot and I'd be out of there.
I think life's too short to bin something off that could be good.

handfulofcottonbuds Fri 02-May-14 19:30:13

Arsebadger and wildbill - have you ever been at the raw end of an affair? Just wondering.

WildBill Fri 02-May-14 19:48:17

This is a thread about THIS particular poster. I think the question was should she go for a leaving drink with a colleague she has a strong bond with. I don't think anyone was suggesting an affair. I think the suggestion was that don't get involved unless you are prepared to leave/end the current 'dead' relationship (as in straight away).
Relationships start and end all the time.

Lets not hijack this thread eh?

MiniTheMinx Fri 02-May-14 20:28:37

Maybe he has always wanted to ask you out and didn't because he knew you had a partner, maybe it was because he needed a pretext, or perhaps he was just happy to wait it out and see if you ever became single. On the other hand he may be compelled to ask now because he realises it's his last chance. The more cynical me would ask myself whether he is asking now because he thinks it will be all the more sweet because you'll become emotional putty and he won't have to deal with the fall out at work everyday...he can have some fun and never face you again.

However, you know him better than any of us. Imagine you were single or in a relationship that was basically happy and you met this guy, would you still think he was the "one" if you answer yes, for heaven sakes just go and get to know him. As others have said life is too short.

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