I know this is an old, old story and recent threads have been very useful- thanks.
I have a young DS and a partner, but I've developed a huge crush on a man I work with. We have become good friends: similar interests, shared sense of humour, attraction etc.
(He is divorced.)
It got so bad that I am actually leaving my job next week, partly because of it. I may well never see him again (that was the intention) but now I know this is a possibility, I am very torn up about it.
I know I can't/shouldn't see him any more, but I keep thinking, he might be the ONE. (Ridiculous, I know). I know I need to put more energy into my current relationship, which is pretty dead. But this guy gave me a sense of hope.
I know it's useless and hopeless, and it's best to go, but...he wants us to go on a 'goodbye' drink next week. Bad idea, huh?
Arrrrgh. Advice welcome. I just need to get over this.
Hi ruby, you are where I was 20 years ago. A mutual 'crush' that deepened until he announced out of the blue that he had left his gf and he would wait for me to get divorced. I left my job. I had never realised how far it had gone for him. Leaving was the best thing I could have done in the circumstances.
I believe you can tell when a potential OM cares by the way they stay the hell away from you and do not disrespect you enough to jump you when you're having trouble in your relationship. I'm sorry this sounds harsh - and it may well be that your potential OM will turn out to be much, much more - and if this is the case you'll know by how you stay in touch and if he's there as a friend if the shit hits the fan for your relationship.
Please encourage him no longer. He is not The One. The One would be keen on you and ask you out - not act weird and then only hang around once it was made known you're leaving. This is a more than a bit dubious anyway since you say you already a DP.When were you planning to mention this to him? Why does he think you quit your job?
What leapt out at me was that you say your current relationship 'is pretty much dead' neither are you married. I'm not suggesting you have an affair however if your feelings are that strong then go for a drink and see if it's mutual. It is possible to meet a great love whilst in another relationship. You will need to be prepared to leave the one you are in however. Talk to this man.
Oh I would definitely go. Life's too short. See if there's attraction when the pressure is off Seperate from that, your relationship doesn't sound too hot and I'd be out of there. I think life's too short to bin something off that could be good.
This is a thread about THIS particular poster. I think the question was should she go for a leaving drink with a colleague she has a strong bond with. I don't think anyone was suggesting an affair. I think the suggestion was that don't get involved unless you are prepared to leave/end the current 'dead' relationship (as in straight away). Relationships start and end all the time.
Maybe he has always wanted to ask you out and didn't because he knew you had a partner, maybe it was because he needed a pretext, or perhaps he was just happy to wait it out and see if you ever became single. On the other hand he may be compelled to ask now because he realises it's his last chance. The more cynical me would ask myself whether he is asking now because he thinks it will be all the more sweet because you'll become emotional putty and he won't have to deal with the fall out at work everyday...he can have some fun and never face you again.
However, you know him better than any of us. Imagine you were single or in a relationship that was basically happy and you met this guy, would you still think he was the "one" if you answer yes, for heaven sakes just go and get to know him. As others have said life is too short.