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Partner says I am too fat to have sex with

(140 Posts)
blueeyesindallas Tue 29-Apr-14 09:53:54

I am 47 years old with one child. I have been married to my spouse for almost three years. A year ago I weighed 114 and became very ill and had two major surgeries. After the illness I weighed 102 and was weak and frail. My husband was very loving and attentive and interested in sex when I was 102. I have gained back up to 115 and my husband told me in the middle of being intimate that the reason he could not maintain an erection was because of all the weight I have gained. I am devastated beyond words. I feel like I should try to get back down to 102 so that I will be worthy of his attention.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 29-Apr-14 09:57:15

So he wants you weak and frail?

There are no words to describe how shit that sounds so I will just say get rid of him.

MsHighwater Tue 29-Apr-14 09:57:41

I think your h is too much of an idiot for you to have sex with.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 29-Apr-14 09:58:07

115 what? Pounds or kilos? Either way your husband is a disgusting piece of work. If he can't maintain an erection he needs to see a doctor. There is no excuse for blaming or insulting you.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 29-Apr-14 09:58:15

And guess what, you're worthy of your attention - you don't need his.

Frustratedlady Tue 29-Apr-14 09:58:21

That's horrid. I don't think you should lose weight. He sounds like a arsehole.

wishinwaitinhopin Tue 29-Apr-14 09:58:41

Jesus Christ! shock

AgentSchraeder Tue 29-Apr-14 09:59:06

How much does he weigh? Say, 180? I'd say that's how much you could stand to lose. So he's only attracted to you when you're weak, frail and ill? You deserve to be healthy and with a man who wants you to be well.

blueeyesindallas Tue 29-Apr-14 10:00:43

He claims to have little sex drive, but was enchanted with me when I was 102. I want to end the marriage, but I am afraid this is not a sufficient reason to not honor my vows.

AgentSchraeder Tue 29-Apr-14 10:00:48

I'd make him an appointment with the gp to discuss his erectile dysfunction and then pack his bags for him.

Handywoman Tue 29-Apr-14 10:01:23

Oh goodness. Agree you definitely need to lose some (dead)weight - that of your spouse. Please get rid of him.

HavannaSlife Tue 29-Apr-14 10:02:05

Id take it as 115 lb, you wouldnt feel weak and frail at 102 kg.

Either way he sounds awful. Its not your fault he cant keep an erection, maybe he should see a doctor instead of blaming you

AgentSchraeder Tue 29-Apr-14 10:02:13

Not sufficient to end the relationship? Are you kidding? Be hard to find a better reason? He is abusive, dangerously so.

fusspot66 Tue 29-Apr-14 10:02:16

Kick him in his limp cock.
What a poor excuse for a human he is.
Sorry you have this in your life.
You know it's not you, it's him.
I am angry on your behalf.

HellonHeels Tue 29-Apr-14 10:04:32

Without knowing any further details I can confidently say your husband is horrible. Far too horrible for you to have sex with.

As for your weight, I'm assuming you are from the US and the 115 is pounds. That is around 52kg - 8 stone in the UK. There is no way that that weight is "fat" even if you are well under 5 feet tall.

The only weight you need to lose is the dead weight of your vile husband who is dragging you down sad

ItsBritneyBitch Tue 29-Apr-14 10:05:29

115 lbs is fat?! wink Jesus I'm obese then!

ShelaghTurner Tue 29-Apr-14 10:06:39

Wow. It's not often I post on relationship threads but this has made me so angry for you. What an absolute arsehole.

I'm Catholic, we're good at vows so I totally understand that bit. But if my DH said that to me at your weight, it'd be the last thing he'd say to me before the front door shut behind him. Please don't let him do this to you.

Atbeckandcall Tue 29-Apr-14 10:06:56

How utterly disgraceful of him.

Definitely LTB. And yes it's perfectly reasonable to split for the reason.

YY to whoever said kicking his useless flaccid willy next time.

rainbowqueen Tue 29-Apr-14 10:07:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your partner is too much of an arsewank to be in a relationship with

NotMrsTumble Tue 29-Apr-14 10:07:30

Really?! My initial reaction on reading your title was "tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck" Then I see you're 115lbs.

115 lbs?! FFS (I'm assuming lbs not kgs as to said you were ill and weak at 102) You don't say how tall you are but that is no weight at all. I'm quite sure my slim 11 yo 5ft 5" daughter weighs more.

This is not about you, it's about him & it sounds like he's having issues he's taking out on you. I suggest you point out to him that you are the same (healthy) weight you were before your illness and ask him what's really troubling him.

blueeyesindallas Tue 29-Apr-14 10:07:42

Yes. The 115 is in pounds. I wear a size 6 dress and am 5'4". Thank you all for the kind words. I was starting to believe him when he said I was overreacting.

fluffyraggies Tue 29-Apr-14 10:08:21

8 stone is only fat if you are 5 years old!


(1st time i've ever said that)

RonaldMcDonald Tue 29-Apr-14 10:09:48

You must have been really shocked and devastated
often people try to shift focus from themselves when they are embarrassed, ashamed or defensive about something
He has treated you really badly.
Tell him trying to have sex with a man who struggles to maintain erection with a healthy is a path you are only willing to tread whilst he admits his problem, seeks help and most importantly treats you kindly
If he can't, please leave, at the moment he sounds vile

gamerchick Tue 29-Apr-14 10:10:22

You're 8stone 2 and he's going on like that? That's very light sad

blueeyesindallas Tue 29-Apr-14 10:11:55

He is incredibly offended because I asked if he was being intimate with someone else because it has been two months since we had sex. He said my asking if he was cheating is as bad as what he said. I think it is a valid question on my part given the circumstances.

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