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Disgusting conversations that you never thought you'd have

(37 Posts)
wishinwaitinhopin Wed 23-Apr-14 21:50:12

Let me preface this with a deep seated belief that TMI is the start of the end of a relationship and the fact I've never passed wind infront of a significant other.

Been with DP for 2 years and over now (knew him for 8 years previous) and he's had a stomach bug ...
This mornings convo started with him telling me that he shat himself in bed next to me and all day we've been dreadfully descriptive about our bowel movements.

Got me thinking what's the grossest convos you've had???

SocialNeedier Wed 23-Apr-14 22:17:31

I used to be a bit pr

SocialNeedier Wed 23-Apr-14 22:20:49


...a bit princessy about bodily functions in front of DP. But since the particularly drawn out, messy and bloody birth of our dd I really couldn't care less.

The grossest convo we've had was probably to do with my third degree tear or possible rectocele.

And he loves to tell me about his bowels. I'm not so keen on hearing it mind confused

Icimoi Wed 23-Apr-14 22:35:48

There was that time we had globe artichokes in a veg box. I read somewhere that they were good in soup, so decided I'd have a go at that. There was some info in the veg box saying that they could cause wind but were OK if you boiled them thoroughly. So I thought No problem, I will be boiling them if I'm making soup. Very nice it was too.

However, I subsequently discovered that when they said that boiling the artichokes stopped them causing wind, they definitely lied. So what I'd done in effect was make two large bowlfuls of concentrated gas. DH and I spent the afternoon companionably trumping at each other, having a long discussion about the eruptions in our stomachs, when the next one was building up, and scoring farts for volume, length, amount of vibration, etc. It was hilarious, but you wouldn't have wanted to light a match in that room.

Frogisatwat Wed 23-Apr-14 22:38:18

I would never pass wind in front of my partner. . If you wouldn't do it on a first date then why once you are 'comfortable'.
I would also never announce that I am going for a poo and then tell him to 'give it 10 if I were you'
But I can happily discuss near misses and anecdotes and vice versa.. I do find it humorous. Its a natural function after all. I just don't need to share the actual performance.
If he sat there letting one rip and then tried to get sexy.. ugh no.
Also that thing some men do.. fart and hold their partners head under the covers. No way. I would LTB

LulaPalooza Wed 23-Apr-14 22:44:40

Heh. You would hate my DH then Frog... me being in the shower elicits a pavlovian poo response... I can't remember the last time I showered when he didn't come into the bathroom for a poo.

Lottiedoubtie Wed 23-Apr-14 22:47:04

But there's an awful lot of things I wouldn't do on a first date that I'd cheerfully do once comfortable....

TheCraicDealer Wed 23-Apr-14 22:49:36

DBoyfriend and I had a very protracted conversation regarding piles last weekend via text. I had a haemorrhoid a while ago and he inspected it for me. I put up a pretence for a while but I actually wanted someone to look to make sure my bum wasn't falling out. He's the only one I trust enough to look! I have returned the favour by inspecting his knob when it looked inflamed [shrug]

We have no children and don't even live together which makes the over sharing even worse! I still haven't managed to shake him after three years and steadily removing all elements of mystery from the relationship. He's a good egg smile

Deathraystare Wed 23-Apr-14 23:14:17

My family are quite upfront about bodily functions. So much so that before mum became doubly incontinent, we would joke it needs gunpowder to shift her stuff! Still to this day I boast of doing a big poo to her!!!

AlpacaYourThings Wed 23-Apr-14 23:17:18

I've not just farted in front of DH, I've farted on DH.

There's nothing I haven't done in front of him. I'm just not that bothered, neither is he.

TheCraicDealer Wed 23-Apr-14 23:29:12

The fella is also in the army so I'm pretty sure he's developed some sort of filter. He's seen a man do push ups into a pot of Greek yogurt in order to apply it to his cock (the army doctor wasn't clear enough on how to use said yogurt as a thrush treatment), dodged spunky shower floors, walked into a changing room to see a steaming poo sitting on a arse is small fry compared to all that.

mummyOF4darlings Wed 23-Apr-14 23:34:30

Alot of toilet talk here smile Not got this far in my relationship yet dont like farting or anything in front of him at this stage.

VinoTime Wed 23-Apr-14 23:36:58 arse is small fry compared to all that.

<Collapses laughing> grin

Frogisatwat Wed 23-Apr-14 23:43:44

Each to their own and all that. . I just don't want to be subjected to the waft of someone's waste products.
I love a good sporn moment but you can keep your trumps. I also suffer from attacks of the Chalfonts and am happy to discuss with glee. .

Bogeyface Wed 23-Apr-14 23:54:33

I was firmly in the anti TMI brigade until my third pregnancy gave me the most appalling constipation. I could easily go 5/6 days. At my worst we were on holiday in France and thanks to the travel (always a bit bunged up after a long journey for some reason) coupled with my pregnancy meant I went 8 days.

Then I got the "evacuation" that often happens after bad constipation. In bed. On holiday. Next to then DH. I woke up to a bed full of runny shit and him (thankfully) still asleep. I woke him up with "Dont look at the bed, dont look at me, dont look at yourself, just go and shower". He did and then so did I. I changed the bed (our sheets and a waterproof undersheet thankfully!) and it was never mentioned again, bless him! Then when I was in labour I said I thought I was crowning (the MW decided I wasnt in advanced labour) or I really needed a poo, so yes I was crowning and DH said "Thank fuck for that, thought we were in for another French poo" .

Bastard grin

Of course after that, everything was fine, which he regretted because my farts are evil!

sadwidow28 Thu 24-Apr-14 00:01:53

Got me thinking what's the grossest convos you've had

And why would anyone want to share that on the internet?

Are you for real?

tshirtsuntan Thu 24-Apr-14 00:04:19

Aaw frog ,just wondering if you and your partner have children? Once you have witnessed the hideous inside out turrning of the female body a trump is the last of your worries grin

Frogisatwat Thu 24-Apr-14 00:07:20

We do.. and everything is fair game. . Except trumps and shits..

Bogeyface Thu 24-Apr-14 00:10:35

The "pavlovian poo response" makes me shudder though.
If he ever tried to have a toilet visit when I was in the bath I would LTB. And I would rather poo myself than visit when he was in there! Medical emergencies excepted obviously.

Nunyabiz Thu 24-Apr-14 00:32:12

Asked DH recently to feel if my fanny felt swollen (it is, I'm pregnant with DC2 and it's like a bloody baboons arse- I wanted sympathy and possibly reassurance that it's not so bad). He refused and told me that some things are private... Then proceeded to ask me to clip his toenails hmm
He watched me give birth ffs! And not only that he has watched me vomit for 9 months. Ugh...

Bogeyface Thu 24-Apr-14 00:40:56

"Some things are private"

But not so private that he didnt put DC2 in there in the first place? hmm Men are very weird.

Bogeyface Thu 24-Apr-14 00:42:52

On a serious not Nuny it may be worth getting it check out, you can get vulval varicose veins.

Bogeyface Thu 24-Apr-14 00:43:02

note, not not.

Nunyabiz Thu 24-Apr-14 00:43:51

I know right bogey face?! Wtf is up with that? Felt so gross and undesirable. He's such a poo face sometimes.

Nunyabiz Thu 24-Apr-14 00:44:54

Oh yeah I mentioned to MW. She said nothing can be done until after birth sad oh well not long now!

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