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Last straw - Married Man - TMI

(573 Posts)
heartshaped Tue 15-Apr-14 18:50:02

I'm so sorry, I am in an affair (myself single). It is loving, I love him and he says the same wholeheartedly (I know the script, i've read up, I can't recognise it at the moment). Only recently have I pushed him to consider leaving his wife, though I previously thought I was okay with things as they were - loving attentive guy, real kindred spirits in every way but I have fallen deep so pushed things. Last night he came over, I thought to stay, we had anal sex (sorry for tmi) which I have never done, and then he left me on my own to go home to his wife. I'm feel so so gutted and used. He's texting all day please can we meet up, why aren't I talking to him but I feel dreadful, drained and dead.

lauren222 Tue 15-Apr-14 18:53:07

To be honest it sounds like all he wants is sex.

If you were unwell with the flu would he avoid you like the plague or come round and look after you?

Why would you trust him as your partner if you know that he is a cheater?

Finola1step Tue 15-Apr-14 18:53:23

He will never leave his wife.

I may get flamed for this but I bet the reason why you are the ow, for him, is because you do things sexually with him that the wife will not do or he would never ask of her.

Get out now.

Finola1step Tue 15-Apr-14 18:55:13

Oh and if he does leave his wife (or gets kicked out) and comes running to you, all that happens is that a vacancy is created... For another ow.

Thislife Tue 15-Apr-14 18:57:23

You must be mad. You are letting him use you. He is taking you for a ride (excuse the pun.)

Imnotbeverley Tue 15-Apr-14 18:57:26

He is using you, you know that or you wouldn't have posted. Presumably the sex was consensual? If so, you need to consider why you did something you actually didn't want to, in a bid to satisfy him. The fact that you did speaks volumes about the relationship, it isn't loving and you aren't kindred spirits. It may look or feel like it to you, but believe me, the real thing is not like this.

You offer him "excitement" that his wife possibly doesn't.

There is no reason for him to leave his wife, he's got it all on a plate.

You should not be in a relationship that makes you feel this way. You won't end it until you truly feel like shit, or else he will when it is no longer fun and exciting. Trust me, I've been in your situation.

RyvitaSesame Tue 15-Apr-14 19:00:04

Did you want anal sex? If not, please do not have it again.

Botanicbaby Tue 15-Apr-14 19:01:09

anyone who pestered me all day by text whinging to meet up and giving it the why-aren't- i-talking-to-him spiel would get short shrift.

what exactly do you see in this cheating twat? these things never end well, you must know that.

LemonDough Tue 15-Apr-14 19:01:22

You're his thrill on the side & if it weren't you it would be someone else.

Just curious but why did you feel the need to mention that you had anal sex because it just doesn't seem relevant at all. Did you consent?

justmuddlingalong Tue 15-Apr-14 19:04:58

Just out of interest, how long have the two of you been skulking around?

heartshaped Tue 15-Apr-14 19:05:50

It was in the heat of the moment, not pre-discussed and yes consensual, but no nothing I would have ever considered doing prior and yes did to please him.

Yes, he has looked after me when I have been ill and is very concerned for my welfare in many other ways.

I know that him and his wife have a sexual relationship so I don't feel i'm filling that 'gap'. We have a mainly emotional relationship, and I thought cared for each other a very great deal which is why last night made me feel so so awful.

NurseyWursey Tue 15-Apr-14 19:06:01

If he wanted to be with you he wouldn't be with his wife.

heartshaped Tue 15-Apr-14 19:07:11

Lemon, I specified the nature of the sex because it felt particularly intimate to me given that he then just left me on my own.

LemonDough Tue 15-Apr-14 19:08:52

Ah, so you're doing things outside of your comfort zone in order to win the prize? You know he's the booby prize don't you?!

MmeMorrible Tue 15-Apr-14 19:09:18

I'm not clear on why last night was different to any other time you met, had sex and he's gone home to his wife? Did you think that because you let him do you anally he'd suddenly leave his wife??

whattoWHO Tue 15-Apr-14 19:09:58

Does he usually stay with you, or generally go home after sex?

UniS Tue 15-Apr-14 19:10:33

and does he have a kid at home too?

justmuddlingalong Tue 15-Apr-14 19:11:01

grin @ 'filling that gap'.

whattoWHO Tue 15-Apr-14 19:11:24

Oh, and your thread title says "last straw". Does that indicate that there have been other problems?

RyvitaSesame Tue 15-Apr-14 19:11:56

I feel for you heartshaped. I will be labelled a big prude here but anal sex and "loving" don't seem immediate bedfellows to me (excuse the pun). I would tell him to pester his wife for anal sex. Hope you're ok.

heartshaped Tue 15-Apr-14 19:12:28

No Mme. No. But I specified, maybe not enough, that I was not going to have sex if he was just going to go. It felt particularly intimate and I felt completely used.

Fizzybangfanny Tue 15-Apr-14 19:12:46

lemon I think she mention it in the context that she sexually did something that gave a little too much of herself away, something she hadn't done with anyone else. Probably feels a bit ashamed of herself.

op there is nothing wrong with anal sex, as with anything sexual, it has to be consensual.It's not dirty.

He would have gone back to his wife, if you had straight sex, gave him a blow Job ect.. anyway.

Do your self a favour and leave this man. You will not know happiness from him. Real men do not have affairs.

He will say black is white, day is night to keep you, dont believe a word he says.

If he treats his wife like this, he won't treat you any better.

Fizzybangfanny Tue 15-Apr-14 19:13:17

Cross post with op

heartshaped Tue 15-Apr-14 19:14:34

Yes he has two kids.
Yes we would usually spend the night.
It felt like he would rather me feel like complete and utter crap than face the heat from his wife for staying out all night.

Itsfab Tue 15-Apr-14 19:17:20

There is no point being with someone who makes you feel "dead."

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