Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Does it sound like I have a problem relating to people

(24 Posts)
dottytablecloth Mon 14-Apr-14 21:10:54

Would really like some honest opinions on this and I'll try not to be too long.

I'm 35, a teacher and married for 14 years- probably all irrelevant!

My issue is that there are only about 3 people in the world that I feel I could spent endless time with and not get fed up with them, my mum, my husband and my child. Other people will sooner or later irritate or plain really annoy me!

I have friends but I don't see them more than twice a month.

DH has a huge family and most of them really get on my nerves- the latest sister has developed an annoying habit of calling me 'pet' and it grates on me so much. I told her to stop calling me 'pet' and just use my name!

This definitely isn't an in law bashing thread, it's not about them it's about me. There are lots of little minor things that people do that wind me up and I do worry that I get stresses when I should't.

I often feel that little things that annoy me about people other people could let go and not mention.

How do I become more relaxed and easy going? I would really love to be able to just chill out!

WitchWay Mon 14-Apr-14 21:12:51

I can't think of anyone at all in whose company I could happily spent unlimited amounts of time. Three people sounds a lot to me grin

Holdthepage Mon 14-Apr-14 21:45:17

You sound normal to me.

DevonFolk Mon 14-Apr-14 21:47:31

Normal! smile

DameFanny Mon 14-Apr-14 21:50:11

I sometimes get to the point where I wind myself up so I don't think you're out of the ordinary wink

LifeHuh Mon 14-Apr-14 21:55:58

Sounds pretty normal! Actually I'm not sure I could spend unlimited time with DH or the DCs -let alone anyone else!

Are you working full time,and if so might you just be "peopled out" after all that time with other people's children? smile

DirtySkirtings Mon 14-Apr-14 21:56:10

You sound quite normal to me but I am an introvert and find time in anyone's company has its limits. Different people, different limits but when I need time alone I need it completely alone, however much I love them grin

singaporefling Mon 14-Apr-14 22:34:31

You definitely sound normal - I suspect a lot of us feel the same way but 'tolerate' spending more time with people because we're supposed to at certain times!

mummyOF4darlings Mon 14-Apr-14 22:38:44

Hiya. Im a bit like this too everyone annoys me at some point including my siblings and relatives. I go through phases where i just cant be bothered to socialise with anyone which is a bit hard since i work as a waitress

CuntyBunty Mon 14-Apr-14 22:46:10

You just need some alone time. If you really are concerned, perhaps some counselling will help you find out whether or not it's you for definite. I do get a bit tearful and snappy if I don't get and hour or two alone ever day or two.

MexicanSpringtime Tue 15-Apr-14 00:38:00

There is no-one I could unlimited time with, not that people get so much on my nerves, either.

Dirtybadger Tue 15-Apr-14 00:46:53

Normal. I only have two. And one is my dog (the other is my mum). And twice a month seeing friends sounds like a horrible ordeal to me.

MistressDeeCee Tue 15-Apr-14 01:08:44

You sound normal to me, OP. Im OK with just my OH and DDs, I speak to friends a lot but probably see them less than you see your friends; we meet up every 6 months or so for a night out. Of my siblings Im ok with my brothers, I find DSis a bit wearing. Im self-employed and that works as I mainly work from home, I can't bear large office environments with loads of 'personalities' and issues. I do dance classes & gym which is ok as I can just do the hi in passing thing and get on with enjoying what Im doing. I simply don't need a lot of noise and hype in my life, Im happier that way. I wouldnt want anyone calling me 'pet' either!

Thislife Tue 15-Apr-14 06:18:29

For me, you could add all three to the irritating list and I would be left with no one.

RedRoom Tue 15-Apr-14 09:02:06

So normal!

wallypops Tue 15-Apr-14 14:35:37

You are completely normal.

Unless you come from a large family and are down the ranks in birth order, people cannot normally tolerate endless others. I went to boarding school at 7 and am the youngest of 6. The happy result of this is I would probably be OK in prison! I can create my own space in my head.

As the head of my own family now, I live with my kids and at least 2 other adults at any one time. Often we are up to 9 people for meals. But equally I have lived alone for years at a time, and loved that too. It is all about being able to create head space, and I guess that requires a lot of practice. As a kid the only place to be on your own was in the bathroom.

My partner is the youngest of 5 and shared a bed until the age of 15 and has the same head space thing going on.

TeeBee Wed 16-Apr-14 14:08:49

I don't think you're've found three people who don't irritate you. Every fucker irritates me!

PoundingTheStreets Wed 16-Apr-14 15:25:35

I think the fact you are a teacher is very relevant. You wouldn't have lasted long in that role if you weren't able to draw on significant reserves of patience and to relate well to people, masking your irritation effectually.

It's also a role which, combined with family life, means you probably have very, very little time to be on your own. And for some people (me included) some alone time is vital in keeping those reserves of patience and social skills fully charged.

As long as you don't show it, I really wouldn't worry that you feel irritated by people's annoying but commonplace character traits. It just makes you normal.

lurkingfromhome Wed 16-Apr-14 15:46:56

Three sounds like loads. My DH is the only person in my world where being with him is no effort at all and I am entirely myself. And even with that, he would drive me insane if I spent all my time with him.

I have some truly amazing friends whose company I cherish and I always look forward to seeing them, but I think even a long weekend with them (actually possibly a bit less) would be all too much.

My ideal (which is what I have) is being with DH a lot of the time, on my own a fair bit of the time and in the company of a friend once or twice a week for a few hours at a time. I like to see my parents but it's invariably quite stressful for various reasons and so a couple of hours once a month plus frequent (but short) phone calls is plenty.

Everyone else pisses me right off. I have no time for big girls' nights out or the like, if I go to a party or out with people I know a bit less well, after a couple of hours I've usually had enough and just want to go home.

struggling100 Wed 16-Apr-14 16:07:45

I am exactly the same, OP. I believe it may be connected to the fact I'm an introvert smile

DH's family do EVERYTHING together (you even have to drive in convoy going to and from a place) and it drives me insane. My family are a lot more private, and we give each other more space to do our own thing.

His mother's habits (speaking in an extremely loud voice, talking over other people, screaming on a regular basis at just about any stimulus etc. etc. etc.) drive me up the wall.

Even if I am with people I really love and get along with, I am MUCH happier if I get some time by myself or just with DH during the day.

shrubxe Wed 16-Apr-14 16:14:48

OP - Take a look at an online "Jung"ian personality test. You'll probably find that you are like many on here, an "Introverted Sensing" type person.
You sound perfectly normal. My OH is the complete opposite on the personality type, and gets on with everyone, while I am like you - other people annoy me.

dottytablecloth Wed 16-Apr-14 17:00:05

I'm so glad to read these replies and it makes me feel like I'm not some sort of weirdo!

tribpot Wed 16-Apr-14 17:05:04

TeeBee has captured my sentiments perfectly smile Being able to endure the company of three other people is way more extrovert than I could handle!

MadeMan Wed 16-Apr-14 19:18:58

Most people I know annoy me in some way or other, but generally their good points outweigh the bad.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now