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Whoops! Slept with one of my best friends!

(205 Posts)
MoonshineWashingLine Sun 13-Apr-14 11:16:16

Known my very good friend for nearly 14 years, nothing has ever happened before but then we've never been single at the same time before...

We were pretty drunk but not steaming. I have just come out of a long term relationship (and have one dd) and my ex was verbally/emotionally abusive. I have been single for just a month. My friend didn't take advantage of me or anything, I feel anything but vulnerable, in fact I feel pretty good smile

Plus it was really good, passionate sex that I haven't experienced in quite some time!

I do fancy my friend quite a bit but it is a bit soon and he has a quite a history of relationships amongst our friends, as do I! So I am wary of moving too fast and I also don't want to scare him off. We both knew what we were doing was probably inappropriate but we did it anyway.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? We get on so well and I don't want to risk messing up our friendship but at the same time I think we would be a great couple if we actually got it together. I don't really know how he feels though....

ohfourfoxache Sun 13-Apr-14 11:49:34


All I can suggest is take it slow. Give yourself time to decide if that's what you really want.

Do you have the type of friendship where you could meet up for coffee etc? (As in do you meet often just the two of you or are you normally all out as a group iyswim?)

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 13-Apr-14 11:59:17

Honestly, if you fancy each other then you aren't really friends. You are always waiting or hoping for something to happen, so it's not friendship, it's friendship with an agenda! As such it would be almost impossible to put the genie back in the bottle and go back to 'just friends' with this between you. Point being, give it a go! Sure you might not be as close as before if it doesn't work out but you probably wouldn't be anyway now you've slept together.

KissesBreakingWave Sun 13-Apr-14 12:20:20

So, someone you like and get on really well with and you've had great sex and you're worried about this? Find a mirror, look into it with a stern expression on your face, and say, in a clear commanding voice, FUCKING RELAX.

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 13-Apr-14 12:25:41

Yeah we do see each other just the two of us as well as in a group. We were out in a group on fri but I was staying at his (as I have done many times) as he is my closest friend from that group.

I wonder if I can find out how he feels about it without sounding over keen. I'm not over keen and if he did feel the same then it would be taken very slow indeed. This has to be kept secret for the time being due to my ex and his ex. Really don't want my ex to find out anyway. I can do without that.

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 13-Apr-14 12:27:11

Haha, that's a good bit of advice BreakingWaves grin

AnyFucker Sun 13-Apr-14 12:34:35

Do what kisses said

If both single and making sure you are not compromising kiddies sense of security, go for it (with eyes wide open of course)

StoneFoxMama Sun 13-Apr-14 16:56:06

This happened to me. Friends for at least 10 years, always in other relationships. Got closer when we both found ourselves single then bam, married a year later!

It's been brilliant so far and my advice would be to not stress about how into you he is, just wait and see how it develops. I'm pretty sure my dh fell for me so quickly because I was so confident around him and never once felt insecure or wobbly about how things would work out, I just kind of went with it.

Good luck and enjoy it, it could be an exciting time for you!

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 13-Apr-14 20:37:22

Thanks stonefox I really hope so smile we've been texting each other a bit today, I keep getting butterflies when he texts me... I feel like a giddy teenager!

lavenderhoney Sun 13-Apr-14 21:38:32

Has there been a shift of power? I mean, if you always sent text and didn't mind if he didn't respond, would that be different now? Would you mind at all?

Sounds good thoughsmile

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 13-Apr-14 21:45:14

Oh dear, that's not playing it cool is it.... oops. Must remember to relax!

Hogwash Sun 13-Apr-14 21:59:27

Sounds perfect! What did he say about it?

specialmagiclady Sun 13-Apr-14 22:05:15

I would say that the passionate sex thing sounds brilliant but how was it afterwards? Okay? Nice? Weirdly normal? If any of those then Get in there!

sykadelic Sun 13-Apr-14 22:24:02

I'd just be honest - "Last night was amazing but I admit I'm a little... wary. We're good friends and I don't want to ruin anything, what do you think? Wanna go again?"

Agree with the others. You're both consenting, single, adults. You're good friends so honesty should go down fine!

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 13-Apr-14 23:01:27

We weren't really talking about what happened as such in the texts, but he did text me first and is sending me texts that he wouldn't have really sent before, such as just telling me what he's been doing all day. Its mostly been small talk. I had to take dd to see her dad today so he was asking how that went, nice to know he was thinking of me smile

It was kinda weirdly normal the day after, I was just kinda making a joke of it, he was maybe slightly awkward but not much really. We just kept laughing about it! grin

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 13-Apr-14 23:06:05

Missed your post there lavender he's always taken a while to respond to texts before but seems to be being somewhat quicker about it now smile but yeah, I think if he didn't respond I'd be a bit miffed. But that probably would have been the case beforehand too, so not too much of a change really smile

Hogwash Mon 14-Apr-14 00:35:56

I love these threads - marking place.

EBearhug Mon 14-Apr-14 00:59:29

The text thing, it might just be that he's worried about ruining the friendship, so he's making an effort to be normal and slightly over doing it. Or it might be that he is really keen but not sure how far he can push things without ruining what you've already got. But either way, the good thing is that he's still talking to you, so you don't really have too much to worry about. Like that would stop me totally over-analysing everything, were I in the OP's place.

TheVictorian Mon 14-Apr-14 01:07:11

Take things one step at a time or jump straight in and see if he would like you to be his g/f.

Rosalie82 Mon 14-Apr-14 07:08:27

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MoonshineWashingLine Mon 14-Apr-14 08:37:47

Well I have left the ball in his court now, just said if he's up this neck of the woods any time soon then to give me a shout. He said he will do. He has family and friends near me so hopefully that will be quite soon grin

DustBunnyFarmer Mon 14-Apr-14 19:27:07

That sounds a bit like an invitation for a booty call. If you want a relationship, I think you might need to be more upfront about your intentions. Good luck BTW - I also love these threads.

lavenderhoney Mon 14-Apr-14 19:35:01

You've just handed him all the power! And decision making plus you sound a bit not bothered.

Invite him for dinner and ask him if it was a one off?

But then I have done this and the transition from BBF to lover was excruciatingsmile I couldn't get my head round it at all. And it changed the dynamic for me. He was alright!!

IndiansInTheLobby Mon 14-Apr-14 19:45:57

Just ask him. I always just ask. At least you'll know rather than getting hopes up over nothing, or wasting time waiting.

IndiansInTheLobby Mon 14-Apr-14 19:46:32

Seriously ask him. I need to know grin

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