Greetings,
Long time lurker and first time poster here, but I really don't know where else to turn to advice.
I live in a cosy wee flat with only DD and myself and am quite happy.
About 6 months ago a new man joined the small company where I worked and he seemed so different to the other "football, beer and horses" type blokes who work there and we immediately hit it off.
We began to grow closer although it concerned me that it seemed that he was pushing me away and didn't like to talk about his past.
Last week he took me out and said that he had real feelings for me but thought I should know the truth so I could decide if I wanted to go any further or not.
He told me 3 years ago he was working in a european country (I don't want to say which one for reasons I'll explain later) and was attacked in a bar after accidentally picking up the wrong drink. He said he defended himself by punching the person three times on the face until he fell then left the bar. He swears he did not start the situation but admits he was probably too drunk to read the warning signs.
Nearly a year later he was arrested by police and dragged back to the country on a European Arrest Warrant and after being kept on remand for 18 months, he was sentenced to a further 6 months then deported back to the UK.
He said he could have asked to be transferred back to the uk but chose not to due to not wanting to have a criminal record here.
I hate violence and would normally consider this a huge red flag but the person I have grown to know shows no signs of anger or threatening behaviour at all. During a Staff Xmas night out he calmed a drunken arguement down before a few people were likely to lose their jobs as a result of their behaviour. He rarely drinks, has spoken to me how much he hates drugs and seems highly educated, or at the very least very intelligent .
He told me he lost a high flying job, a fiancé who couldn't bare the shame and the respect of most of his family who wouldn't listen to the facts.
I feel terrible for him and really am starting to have feelings for him and I don't know if I'm being neurotic but i do have some concerns.
He is very articulate but sometimes shakes, struggles to speak without stammering and I wonder if that is a sign of underlying trauma?
I shamefully facebook stalked his ex and she looks like she has an airbrush fairy above her, I'm worried that he would always see me as second best?
Although my instincts tell me he's telling the truth I have no way to verify it as I can't google reports in the country due to not knowing where to look or speaking the language etc.. and every time I read about European Arrest Warrants it tends to involve Gangsters, People Traffickers or Terrorists. Would they really bother for someone getting a broken nose in a bar fight?
If I was on my own I wouldn't think twice but have DD to think about, but the logical part of my brain tells me that he was decent enough to tell me this before anything happened between us (tbh around 5 mins before as I was just about to physically drag him to bed) and at the risk of sounding like a teenager I really don't think I've connected with anyone like this before.
Sorry for the long post but please help?
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Perfect Man with past?
193 replies
Hairytoekerr01 · 12/04/2014 01:07
OP posts:
TheAwfulDaughter ·
12/04/2014 01:10
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