Hanging on by my bastarding finger tips here!

[Fireworkfanny]

I honestly don't know if it's me or him - one of us have changed, for the worst.

Three years in, 10m old dd.

When I met him, he was the opposite of all my arse hole exs . We had laughed all the time. He was so laid back and non argumentative, I loved it. He wasn't obsessed with his looks and we were best mates.

I've give up work (I wanted to) to be a SAHM and I do t know if that's another factor why I'm do fucking fed up all the time.

The laid back I now see as lazy, yes he does work 12 hours but does not lift a finger in the home and doesn't really pull his weight with dd unless I ask him. He will play with her but when it's time for bath/nappy /feed/reading it me.

The non argumentative , I now see as unresponsive, a fucking million times we have discussed issues And he makes all the right noises but never sees them through - basically saying enough fir me to STFU

Not being obsessed with his looks has got to another level. He did not brush his teeth for a week, till I pulled him on it. Dosnt flush the chain when he has had a shit - because he 'forgot', can't be arsed shaving, not even for work.

Obviously I don't want to have sex with him . He feels hurt by this.

We argue all the time now about his irresponsible behaviour, his appearance .

He is shit with money, shit with dealing with day to day crap that normal adults deal with and manage.

Dd is ten months in this world and I really want dp and I to work for her. We have really come of the tracks - big time.

He says I bully him.

I don't think he is the bloke I fell in love with any more - or is it me that's changed ? I feel like my heads gonna blow off. Trying to talk to him is like walking through tar.

Feel like im living with an eleven year old :-(

Help!

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

Could he be depressed?

[Fireworkfanny]

If you would have asked me that six months ago I would have said a firm NO, he has been promoted at work, I know he is very busy, wages ect.. Tired/distracted through work gets blamed for everything

He does however get on very well with his manager.

[Fireworkfanny]

Bump!

[CakeWillDo]

So were all the traits you described always there and now a little worse? Or have they appeared and are now affecting your life?

[LadyGardenersQuestionTime]

The situation has changed - you have dd. What you liked about him doesn't cut it now you have a child to care for. He sounds as though parenthood doesn't thrill him. Was dd planned, equally by both of you?

[Fireworkfanny]

In truth probably always there but now a lot worse.

I don't feel like his equal partner - more like his mother. I just wish he would grow up. The worst thing is acting like this is what he expects. He was never like this before

[Fireworkfanny]

Yes dd was planned.

He adores dd but is quiet happy to leave me to do all the shit stuff.

I think he just thinks it's ok for him just to go work and leave everything up to me.

[AhCmonSeriouslyNow]

I find some of that sounding a bit familiar in our transition from just the two of us to being parents.
I think it's really common to have a rough patch like this in the first year of adjusting to parenthood. Do you think this is since DD or did it start before she came along?

You probably have changed - you suddenly don't really get to have downtime when you have a baby. Hard to truly relax with no care in the world as you can before you have a baby and taking on this responsibility while it appears your OH hasn't had a similar change happen to him can make a lot of couple resentful of each other in the early days/years of parenthood.

Have you talked to him, in a positive way, about what he could do and what you can do.
Like "I love how you look when you are clean-shaven" and that kind of stuff. It can be easy to get caught up in negativity and not take the time to say things in a kind or positive manner to the partner you live with. Things get a bit taken for granted.

[Fireworkfanny]

ah the trouble probably kicked n when dd was about 6 months.

I've told him how handsome he looks when he is clean. We had crisis talks this weekend about this as I feel he nay need to leave but I font want to go down that road.

He promised changes - but I've yet to see a single one, and tbf this week has been worse!

[AnyFucker]

You grew up

He did not

That's it really

You will part...sooner or later

I suggest you do it sooner before it starts to affect your DC

[Funnyfoot]

Read him your OP.

Just that. Tell him how you feel.

If he listens and works with you to change shite. Happy days.

If he says he is perfect. Nothing is wrong. LTB.

But at least give him the opportunity to fuck up and know it's his fault.

[whitsernam]

I wonder if he steps up when you're not there? Do you ever leave him with DD alone? You need time out for other things (like your sanity!) and he needs time to bond with DD more....

BUT - my ex was somewhat like this, and it never did get better (plus he was abusive, but that's another issue) I think he never wanted the actual responsibility of caring for children, and was shocked by how much work there is. Same thing when we got a puppy; all enthusiastic ahead of time, but just had no idea what it would take to train it, IYSWIM... and some guys just assume "Mom" will take care of it.