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Relationships

He asked me to sleep over – Not sure how to go about it!

31 replies

Achica123 · 08/04/2014 14:19

Need some thoughts / advice !

After we had dinner at his place, he asked me I want to sleep over. It was our 6th date…

I declined the invitation because I guess I wasn't mentally prepared, and didn’t see it coming tbh. I have to say that I am feeling flattered, though. I am still catching myself smiling at the thought of it. This said, I am not sure if it is the right time yet or not. Shall I wait for some time, or go for it anyway? Is it normal for a guy to ask the girl to sleep over at his place after date 6, or is it too soon?

I see myself with him in a long term relationship and I am after a long term relationship – I know this sleep overs are part of getting to know each other, but I feel that there is a lot to know about him, before I sleep over. Is this too wise and careful and old fashioned?

It’s been a while since I have dated last, and II have to admit I kinds forgot what it was like - what do you ladies think?

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/04/2014 14:24

Six dates, dinner at his place, and 'sex' didn't enter your mind as a possibility? Obviously go at your own speed and don't do anything you're not comfortable with but sometimes it's nice to be a little more impulsive.

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Takingbackmonday · 08/04/2014 14:35

Sixth date!?

I usually wait til the 3rd. Except when I don't.

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AnyFucker · 08/04/2014 14:35

Do you want to have sex with him ?

I think that is the question you should be asking yourself.

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BillyBanter · 08/04/2014 14:39

It's not a sleep over, you're not 10. You're not 10 are you?

Most commonly I think people try to wait until the 3rd date before having sex but everyone is different and you should do what is comfortable for you.

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Achica123 · 08/04/2014 14:42

@ BillyBanter - I am certainly not 10 :) ... It is not a sleep over, I agree, but it got my point through

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worldgonecrazy · 08/04/2014 14:44

When you say "sleep over" do you mean "have sex"? Because you could have sex and not stay the night, so it's not really sleeping over.

There is no "right" number of dates. I'm quite happy to shag on the first date if I like someone, and others prefer to wait until after they are married. It is about what you are comfortable with.

If you have to play sexual games with a man to keep him, i.e. not having sex until a certain number of dates, then he is not worth keeping anyway, and the relationship is not really built on solid foundations.

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Dirtybadger · 08/04/2014 14:49

Have sex whenever you feel ready and comfortable. If that's not on the 6th date then it's not on the 6th date. Personally I'm usually happy to have sex quite quickly but probably would be uncomfortable "staying" the night the first time I slept with someone. Is it the sex or staying that's the problem? You can do one without the other if it suits you.

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AnyFucker · 08/04/2014 14:51

You don't go by that pile of shit called "The Rules" do you?

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Achica123 · 08/04/2014 14:53

No - I don't go by the rules... That was a long long time ago !

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AnyFucker · 08/04/2014 14:56

Do you want to have sex with him ?

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Achica123 · 08/04/2014 14:58

Yes, but not at this stage. I guess I need some time and courage.

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AnyFucker · 08/04/2014 14:59

So don't then Smile

Do you want to talk about why you need "courage" ?

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Boudica1990 · 08/04/2014 15:00

Its a personal choice, if you dodon't feel ready dont. Like others have said there is no rule and this isn't pirates of the Caribbean so there's no guide lines either :)

I slept with dp on our second date Blush and it was a impulsive thing we saw a hotel and we both looked at eachother and smirked and went in. We were on our way to dinner. After being married at 21 and now seperated from exh I thought I'd be impulsive for once. It all worked out well. We even joke about it now Grin

But everyone is different, go at your own pace.

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Achica123 · 08/04/2014 15:04

It's just been a while since I have been with a man other than my ex - that's all. While enjoyable so far, the expereince of being with a new person that I am getting to know can be a bit overwhelming at times.

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CuntyBunty · 08/04/2014 15:05

Ha ha, I so would. First things first and all that. I met DH and had what I thought was a one night stand. It was fab and we are still very happy together 21 years on.

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Boudica1990 · 08/04/2014 15:11

Have you tried talking to him? Does he know this, might avoid uncertain situations in the future?

Its understandable to be nervous, my exh was my childhood sweetheart the only man I had ever been with so when we got married at 21 nobody minded (he turned in to someone very different, even being removed from a house via a fire arm squad, but that's a story for another day)

I was nervous meeting dp, and trying to explain you have a exh at 23 was daunting so I just blurted it out after hello Blush then there was the thought of sex with another man, what it would be like, feel like, what if he did something I didn't like. But seems my impulsive behaviour paid off and it was great...

Take it in your stride, but I do understand how your feeling.

Oh and dp just giggled at my blurring out and replied "you tit" and smiled his amazing smile haha

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AnyFucker · 08/04/2014 15:11

Does he know this, OP ? A good man will take it slowly and go at your pace.

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Achica123 · 08/04/2014 15:16

No he doesn't know. I am moving to the conclusion that I should say it and see how he'd react to this ...

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bouncyagain · 08/04/2014 15:19

3rd or 4th date is usual.

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Malificentmaud · 08/04/2014 15:24

If I wanted to, yes. if I didn't want to at date six then I would feel that I didn't fancy him enough so I'd probably not take it any further. I usually feel the right mix of "wanting it" and "ready" by date three.

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AnyFucker · 08/04/2014 15:25

Nowt is "usual"

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Boudica1990 · 08/04/2014 15:28

Im with anfucker on this. There is no "norm" imo

Talk to him see how it goes, it could be very beneficial for you both :) who knows your chat could leave you feeling closer and followed by a cheeky one Wink

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OhWesternWind · 08/04/2014 15:29

Achica I waited around three months with my dp, we both really fancied each other but we wanted to wait til we both felt ready. I think that properly getting to know each other first has only made our relationship better. There's no "right" or "usual", just whatever works for you two.

Talking has got to be a good idea though.

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monkeyfacegrace · 08/04/2014 15:34

I waited about 2 hours from first meeting my now DH to shagging his brains out Blush

Sex is fun. If you want to, do it!

Otoh, and I dont mean this in ANY way that puts pressure on, but maybe he will think you'e not that into him?

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StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 08/04/2014 15:35

Dinner at his place was code for sex being on the agenda. Pretty basic stuff. I'd wonder if there's actually a spark between you or not? I pretty much wanted to rip DH' s clothes off from the first date, but waited until... ah yes, he cooked me dinner at his place a few weeks later Grin

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