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dh snoring is really ruining our relationship

(37 Posts)
balenciaga Sat 05-Apr-14 11:07:27

I know it sounds funny but it isn't

I am 9 months preg and for last few months have barely slept cos of his snoring. obviously me being preg is not helping either but I just feel pure rage when I am laying there wide awake and look across to him fast asleep snoring his head off, oblivious, blissfully asleep when I could cry with lack of sleep

I poke him which stops it for a bit it goes quieter but then gradually just goes louder again

it used to be if he slept on his side it didn't happen but it happens all the time now. he has offered to sleep on the sofa so last few weeks he has, but that makes me sad

one of the reasons he split with his ex before me is that apparently she used to make him sleep on the sofa for months before they split up, but his story was that it was cos they weren't getting on hmm more like she was having the same problem as me !!

he is not fat but possibly slightly overweight which I don't think helps but wtf am I meant to say, I cant say anything sad

if its like this after the babys born its really gonna cause problems!!

help please sad

daisychain01 Sat 05-Apr-14 15:25:58

Hi balen, I have a snorey DP as well. The main problem is normally down to sleeping position. If the head is too far back, due to not having enough good supporting pillows it causes the throat to constrict and especially if they roll on their back, that is what constricts the airways, and makes the epiglottis rattle. Its a negative for both of you, you cant get a good nights sleep and you will likely find your OHs sleep is not as good quality even though it seems like he is asleep.

What turned things around big-time for us was the unfortunate diagnosis that DP developed a bit of acid reflux, so went to the GP about that. He was recommended a pillow wedge (which goes underneath, and one or two pillows on top) which elevates his sleeping position, stops the reflux and hey presto his snoring was very much improved. No need for invasive surgery or horrid masks and contraptions which feel horrid, I wouldnt want to wear one, so I am happy for DP that he doesnt, although for some people they do work, so Im not completely discounting those if your DP wants to try. DP is really comfortable even though propped up a little more than having 3 pillows, but its a gradual incline, because its a wedge (a bit like the shape of a door stop thin one end thick the other)

Your DP will need to arrange his pillows carefully each evening, so that he starts off sleeping in the correct position. Its important to start the night well, as we find if my DP can get to sleep without starting to snore he is settled for the whole night. I do have the ear plugs by the bedside just in case, I would say i use them about 30% of the time, not 100% any more.

Keeping weight down has a really big impact as well, as does not drinking too much.

I do hope you have good luck with this, it is not funny, its very frustrating and can bring tensions into an otherwise loving relationship. i adore my DP but I can strangle him when he is snoring! X

daisychain01 Sat 05-Apr-14 15:33:21

And just to mention, it is also imoortant to be checked out by the GP, my DP did have some signs of sleep apnoea but for him the GP seems to be happy now that his breathing is controlled by the correct sleeping position and I have noticed his breathing is a lot more steady and regular

AndTheBandPlayedOn Sat 05-Apr-14 15:37:39

Yes to all of the advice so far. balenciaga, you are suffering from sleep deprivation. You really need to look after yourself at the end of the day and make the change to make sleep possible. Have separate bedrooms. There is no shame in it even though it is something folks just don't discuss.

My dn denied it for years until out teenage son pretended to sleep with snoring on our driveway one afternoon and our toddler ran up to him saying "Daddy! Daddy!". He went to the gp and was advised to loose weight. He did but still snores on the Richter scale.

Good luck and hope you can get a power nap.

sykadelic Sat 05-Apr-14 17:12:42

My husband and I are quite the pair. He has bad hearing and I snore. You'd think that means he slept great, no, my snoring IS that bad. Girls don't like to admit it because it's not "ladylike" but it's not my fault. It's something I have no control over (like having hazel eyes).

I was diagnosed with sleep apnea about 10 years ago but simply told to lose weight and have my tonsils removed. I was rediagnosed in October 2013 after my husband was spending more and more time on the couch... and it was meeting with that sleep doctor that made me cry.

It made me cry because he told me things I wish I'd been told years ago, the main one being, sleep apnea CAUSES weight gain. This "lose weight" nonsense, dieting and having nothing happen. Basically having people blame me for gaining weight, for being lazy (no energy 'cause you're always tired), for many other things that just simply aren't my fault.

So I now have a CPAP machine and while wearing it, I no longer snore. My husband sleeps in our bed and it's a bit of a process but I'm slowly gaining more and more energy.

Please don't blame your husband for this. Don't be angry with him without first giving him a chance to fix it. Tell him you're really tired that he needs to see a doctor and get tested and if he doesn't have sleep apnea, it's STILL not his fault he snores and maybe there are other solutions (nose strips, nasal sprays etc).

Trust me when I say he will appreciate you telling him that you want HIM to sleep better as much as yourself. He probably, like me, doesn't realise how much sleep he's missing out on until he starts to get better sleep.

Sorry this is so long but sleep apnea is often overlooked because people just think snoring is "one of those things" but it can be deadly. It's important you get him checked out.

silverlight Mon 07-Apr-14 23:39:07

I'm lying here listening to my DW snoring, so I know how you feel OP. Has your DH tried Nytol Anti-snoring? It has some good reviews on the Boots web site.

HopeClearwater Mon 07-Apr-14 23:49:29

Marking place, I've only solved this problem by separate bedrooms but desperately want my dc to have own rooms now. How my DH sleeps through the noise he makes is beyond me.

maleview70 Tue 08-Apr-14 10:16:08

There is a lot to be said for not sleeping in the same bed.

When all you want is sleep, why do you have to have someone next to you?

I would do this if we had a spare room.

MrsWentworth Tue 08-Apr-14 10:21:12

Separate rooms have been our salvation. I was becoming ever more miserable, unslept and resentful of DH lying there snoring away merrily. In our old house, I moved to the spare room; when we moved house, we made it official and bought a house where we could both have our own rooms (which also has the good side effect that I can arrange mine how I like, and vice versa!)

It makes no difference to sex - in fact, the one thing that is a real sex-killer is being unslept and resenting your well-slept partner for it.

DH was a bit reluctant to make it official (I think he was afraid that it meant I'd gone off him) - but as we are still together, I think he's got over that. He is also quite glad that he can go to bed as late as he likes without waking me up...

Flyingducky Tue 08-Apr-14 12:49:56

Separate beds for us too. We are much nicer to each other and it doesn't affect intimacy at all, we just visit each other.

It actually improved our sex life.

The kids talk about mummy's room and relatives are a bit hmm when they visit but fuck it! works for us and have a happy marriage.

croquet Tue 08-Apr-14 13:34:35

Haven't read the rest of the posts, but trust me if you are annoyed now you will be livid when he snores and wakes the baby up in precious sleep-times.

Poke him in the ribs and tell him to sleep on his side?

croquet Tue 08-Apr-14 13:34:55

p.s. Experiment with him having no booze for an evening, might stop the snoring.

VanitasVanitatum Tue 08-Apr-14 13:39:36

Nytol nasal spray = amazing. Stopped my exes absurdly loud snoring straight away. Really worth a try, though of course doctors too.

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