Not sure this is actually a 'problem' as such but I do find it a bit sad. DP has very few friends here (4 at the last count) and no hobbies. He is not from the UK originally but from what I can gather he has very few friends in his native country as well. He has 22 friends on this Facebook account and half of those are people he does not actually know and has never met but they are contacts he has made through forums he joined online. His one 'hobby' was walking the dog that belonged to his ex flatmate twice a week but the dog sadly passed away a couple of months ago. So he comes straight home after work and does not really socialise with anyone. He does not join the after work drinks as he doesn't like pubs which is fair enough but as he works in a mainly male office with a team who all socialise and have drinks together he hasn't really bonded with any of this team. His manager mentioned in his review that he is 'distant' and does not seem to make an effort with colleagues.
Now his preference to not go out much obviously has its advantages, we have a 9 month old daughter and he always encourages me to go out with my friends in the evenings/weekends as he is happy to stay at home with her which is great. Weekends he 'takes over' and takes her out for walks etc so I can catch up with sleep, go to the gym meet up with friends for lunch etc. I will be going back to work FT in June (currently doing 2 days a week) and he picks her up from the childminder after work. I asked him to nominate a day when I pick her up so that he can pursue an interest after work or do something with a friend and he said he has no desire to do this and is happy to leave work at 5 and pick DD up straightaway every day.
I guess my concern is that this kind of life is not sustainable and he will eventually get fed up / regret not making an effort to develop a hobby at all. I cannot imagine not having my friends to lean on or the 'me time' I get when I pursue my hobbies so I struggle to understand how he can just do the work - home thing every single day and then spend the entire weekend just entertaining DD. He actually does have one main interest: current affairs / politics and he spends hours reading articles and watching videos of his favourite politicians from his home country when DD is asleep but this is obviously a solitary activity.
I've introduced him to all my friends who all seem to like him and the guy who lives next door who I get on with really well and who is from the same country as DP. They have actually been out together a few times for a drink / meal but lately I've noticed they are not in contact much. I asked DP about this and he just said "I guess he doesn't really have time for me and finds me annoying like a lot of people do" which is very sad. DP DOES have a lot of annoying traits (that is a whole 'nother thread) but is a genuinely nice, kind person. Not sure why I'm posting really but I'd be interested to know if anyone else has a similar DP? He is not an introvert by the way. He is very opinionated, lively, humourous guy and when we do go out with my friends (albeit very rarely nowadays as we have DD) he is the life and soul of the party.
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Relationships
DP has no hobbies and v few friends
Eastie77 · 04/04/2014 22:34
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