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Question on domestic violence for me?

(8 Posts)
anyoneplease Fri 04-Apr-14 21:11:51

Today me and my husband had an argument on cleaning not even a massive one ... Just slight questioning, etc. we never fight much and are generally very good. Today after a while he said you can do all the cleaning by yourself and I said you can put make up and sit on one side. At this moment he had a big bottle of lotion which he threw with full force near to me. The bottle smashed into fragments and the whole lotion scattered everywhere. It was just two palm distance from me. Is this violence? Was it the bottle directed to me?

Bogeyface Fri 04-Apr-14 21:22:13

Yes and yes. How are you feeling now?

You say that it wasnt a massive argument, could you say what actually happened? Also, is he a wall hitter/a thrower/a speeder (in the car when angry)?

What is a massive argument for you?

How long have you been together, do you have DC? Any stress issues lately or not?

Sorry, I am asking all of this to try and get a picture of what is your "normal".

anyoneplease Fri 04-Apr-14 21:28:52

No am ok now. Have asked him to leave the house for a while. This is the massive argument never anything else. He is very kind and gentle and never hits but this is the first time i have seen in 10 years. Maybe he does hit the wall in say 1 in an year but never else. Is it the beginning? Is it going to get worse from here?

Lweji Fri 04-Apr-14 21:30:16

So, he picked up a bottle of lotion to throw at you?

Did he clean the lotion?

Who does the cleaning at home?

Lweji Fri 04-Apr-14 21:31:41

Yes, it will get worse. Sorry. sad

This is him trying to get you in line. If nothing happens, he'll just keep pushing it.

anyoneplease Fri 04-Apr-14 21:32:51

He was putting the lotion on baby. He and I cleaned it later. We both do housework together. Maybe sometimes I do more. Can you tell if it is going to get worse? Or shall I just rub it as a one off and move on?

Lweji Fri 04-Apr-14 21:35:27

What was his reaction afterwards?

And it's not good that he reacted with this violence near the baby. Particularly because he knew you wouldn't react to it because of the baby.

Bogeyface Fri 04-Apr-14 21:59:14

Can you tell if it is going to get worse? Or shall I just rub it as a one off and move on?

It depends.

Sometimes we all lose it and do something wrong. I have, I think that if we are honest we all have. If you can honestly say that in 10 years you have never ever been through something like this before then yes, it could a moment of losing it, followed by "oh fuck, what the hell have I just done?!"

However, if there have been times over the last year or so (you have a baby, how old?) where the arguments have gradually got worse then that isnt good. Abuse often starts during pregnancy and then gets worse.

However, having a baby is a stressful time and I will admit to dumping each of my (6) kids in their cots at one time or another and leaving them to scream because I was scared I would hurt them if I didnt, most mothers have.

Have you ever felt a power imbalance? Are there money issues where one of you has more than the other and there is resentment? Have there ever been times where you have felt controlled about what you do, who you see, where you go, what you buy, what you wear?

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