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How long does it take to stop mourning for what you've lost?

(4 Posts)
PatTheDog Wed 02-Apr-14 19:56:56

My husband left us nearly 18 months ago. I'm wondering how long it will take me to stop longing I was back in my lovely house... missing the fact that we're not a family anymore.... hankering after my old life. Which was very comfortable - ideal actually - except that we didn't get on at all. Hadn't got on for years but I had come to accept that as my marriage...

I don't miss my exH. I just wish I could move on, forgive him for tearing down my castle. I need to draw a line under it and think "So what? I'll build a new castle of my own..." I just can't quite seem to get there.

Anyone else had this?

phoebeflangey Wed 02-Apr-14 21:25:13

My ex left 18months ago too, and I think the same every single day. I'm pretty sure the only ones who understand how we feel are those going through it/have been through it themselves. It's not that people aren't understanding, but it's very similar to a bereavement, no date for recovery just learning to accept it.
I have a slight advantage in my process, that my ex is a total fuck weasel and makes me and dd angry on a regular basis.
But the person now isn't who I fell in love with over 17years ago, and that's who I miss.

akaWisey Thu 03-Apr-14 08:36:32

You haven't yet got solid enough new foundations and that's what makes the good bits so poignant IME.

One day when you've built your own castle you will look back with fondness but without the painful aspect which can make the present so hard to come to terms with. 18 months isn't long, give yourself some space and room still smile

PatTheDog Thu 03-Apr-14 14:50:27

Thank you both, that is really encouraging.
With you on the anger part, phoebe!

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